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Original poster

Can’t clean /won’t clean?

42 replies

Endlesscleaning · 06/04/2021 10:54

A family member has moved into a small house we own in another town (rent free). DH has it for work but has been living at home due to Covid.

Problem is whenever we go there (only when relative is away because of Covid rules) the house has been left grubby. I immediately have to start cleaning. I.e bath scummy, mould starting, toothpaste slops and hairs round the bowl, not vacuumed, sofas all disarranged, minor spills left on kitchen work surface and sink not cleaned.

My DH spoke to relation who was hurt and protested that they always wipes round. How do you cope with someone who doesn’t know how to clean/has different ideas of cleanliness?

I’m getting so sick of acting as their cleaner, but certainly don’t want to fall out over it. How do I handle it?

OP posts:

HUCKMUCK · 06/04/2021 11:03

I think you either have to stop applying your standards to them.

If you are genuinely offering them a home for free, it’s still their home.

If it was a paying tenant you wouldn’t be able to go round and clean up after them.

I think you’re being unfair to them.

SoupDragon · 06/04/2021 11:04

I’m getting so sick of acting as their cleaner, but certainly don’t want to fall out over it. How do I handle it?

Just stop interfering in their home.

APurpleSquirrel · 06/04/2021 11:05

Clearly you have different cleaning standards. Maybe you're visiting the day before they do a full house clean? Maybe they only clean once a week? Or don't see the things you have an issue with, as an issue to them on a daily basis.
Why are visiting house? It sounds like you're checking up on the relation which can't be pleasant for them.
You've kindly offered them a home but what are you expecting from them? Did you have a conversation about it before they moved in?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Cleaning

ShirleyPhallus · 06/04/2021 11:09

@HUCKMUCK

I think you either have to stop applying your standards to them.

If you are genuinely offering them a home for free, it’s still their home.

If it was a paying tenant you wouldn’t be able to go round and clean up after them.

I think you’re being unfair to them.

Agree

Itstheprinciple · 06/04/2021 11:12

If you showed up at my house some days it would look like this. But then if you came after my day off it would be gleaming. Why are you going round to the house when someone else is living there? As long as they leave it in the same condition they found it when they move out, what does it matter?

DDIJ · 06/04/2021 11:13

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Original poster

Endlesscleaning · 06/04/2021 11:15

DH (pre Covid) lives there 5 days a week. The areas I am unhappy about are communal areas.

Relation has left it for 4 weeks. Knew we would be staying there in the meantime.

I lived there for 15 years, it was my home before we were married.

I’m not expecting it to be a show home all the time. But it feels disrespectful when you let someone stay in your property, and them not to bother to leave it clean and tidy.

Really surprised at the responses. I thought it would be a given that a lodger (even when family) would be reasonably clean and tidy!

OP posts:

3Britnee · 06/04/2021 11:16

Get them the TeamTomm app.

halcyondays · 06/04/2021 11:18

Yes, I think a landlord with a paying tenant would, quite reasonably object if mould was developing through the tenant’s actions. Are they opening windows, especially after showering?

BrutusMcDogface · 06/04/2021 11:18

Yes, I also don’t get why you’re going round there and cleaning up while they’re living there...

SpringtimeSummertime · 06/04/2021 11:18

Just stop interfering in their home

The relative is staying in the OP's second home rent free.
It isn't their 'home', they pay no rent and the property doesn't belong to them.

OP, you need to give your relative instructions to do certain things before they vacate each time. There is nothing worse than arriving to stay somewhere yourself and having to clean or tidy up after someone else before you can relax.

BrutusMcDogface · 06/04/2021 11:19

I knew there would be more info to come 🙄

So your husband stays there with the family member, 5 days a week? Does he keep it clean?

SpringtimeSummertime · 06/04/2021 11:20

You could also start charging them rent.
Use some of it to hire a weekly cleaner.

BertieBotts · 06/04/2021 11:20

You need to start charging them rent and a security deposit so that if their lack of cleaning leaves damage you have the money to cover it.

Branleuse · 06/04/2021 11:20

I think you should tell them that you dont mind them staying there rent free, but you do not expect them to keep it grubby.

Im a messy person, but i think the dynamics are different if hes getting free accomodation

Oblomov21 · 06/04/2021 11:22

I disagree with everyone.
I think you should tell them how you feel. Suggest they hire a cleaner. Say it's not clean enough for when I visit.

SpringtimeSummertime · 06/04/2021 11:25

I knew there would be more info to come 🙄
Info was in the OP.

'A family member has moved into a small house we own in another town (rent free). DH has it for work but has been living at home due to Covid.'
'Problem is whenever we go there (only when relative is away because of Covid rules) the house has been left grubby.'

Everyone uses the house. The relative stays there but not full time. OP and her DH stay there too albeit less frequently due to covid.

DDIJ · 06/04/2021 11:26

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

GillBungalow · 06/04/2021 11:26

It doesn't sound like the situation is really working for you

EL8888 · 06/04/2021 11:28

Grim. They need to make more effort and look after the place. You are doing them a favour after all

user1471538283 · 06/04/2021 11:31

It is disrespectful to stay anywhere and not keep it clean let alone your relatives house. I know people have different standards but mould?

I would tell them they either clean or leave

SpringtimeSummertime · 06/04/2021 11:31

DDIJ I can't understand these responses.

People don't read the OP properly.
If you don't pay rent, don't pay bills, don't own the property IT IS NOT YOUR HOME.

DDIJ · 06/04/2021 11:33

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Inertia · 06/04/2021 11:34

If a friend or relative were to let me stay for several weeks rent-free (as a favour, presumably?) in a house they also used , I’d make damn sure I left it spotless. Your relative is behaving disrespectfully towards you in expecting you to clean up their mess.

Tenants’ rights to peaceful enjoyment are rightly in place, but this relative isn’t a tenant. Perhaps the only solution is to charge rent, set up a deposit, and use the money to pay a cleaner/ rectify damage.

BertieBotts · 06/04/2021 11:43

I think the OP wasn't very clear - I originally read it as being the relative's home that OP owns in a landlord kind of relationship. Not the OP's home that the relative is staying in as a favour.

It didn't sound in the original post like the DH is using it at all.

I think it was the use of "Moved in" (implying a permanent home) rather than "staying" (which implies a temporary measure)

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