Online friends have chucked me out

[Violaclaws]

I made some friends online through a mutual hobby. We have been chatting for over a year and some of us have met up together IRL. I have RL friends but I ended up talking with these women every day about my life, family and my worries etc and I really thought we were all good friends.
Now it seems that me along with another woman have been removed from our group and I have not an idea why!
I can't tell you how hurt, betrayed and upset I am. I thought this was what children do to each other, not adults!!
Why would they do this??

What was the last conversation you all had?

Are you still in touch with the other woman who was thrown out?

Might have been an accident.

What platform were you using - were there any guidelines you might have breached, even if innocuously (e.g. being off-topic)?

Yes the other woman is baffled too.
It's a WhatsApp group and I haven't done anything to break any rules, I don't know if there are any.
I wasn't in the conversation for a while because I was busy.

It's hard to accidentally remove someone from a WhatsApp group.

Ask them?

I have been blocked. Not by everyone but the others have not replied

If you hadn't been in the chat for a while maybe they thought you weren't interested.

Text one of them and ask.

I would just message one/all of them and ask if they've removed you by mistake

Why would they do this??

I made some friends online through a mutual hobby.

I ended up talking with these women every day about my life, family and my worries etc

Do you think you've been kicked out because the others wanted to talk about the mutual hobby and is was becoming dominated by personal talk?

Can you get in contact with any of them via email or text and ask what's going on? It seems very unfair if they didn't attempt to talk to you first before kicking you out. It must be very hurtful OP, I'm sorry this happened.

Harsh. They should have said ''viola, you there? some of us feel uncomfortable sharing when you never contribute'' or whatever, before they deleted you.

I would think it's a mistake or they thought you weren't interested if you hadn't messaged in a while - how long?

How long since you talked in the group. Sometimes these things become uncomfortable as you get to know each other better, share personal information etc.

After a while of a member or two not talking it can seem like you are just nosying in on the conversation. If this was the case though they should have messaged the you first.

How long ago did you last make a comment on the group chat? It’s possible they did a clean up of non active users and assumed what Selkie said?

I’ve been housecleaning my WhatsApp recently. It’s taking ages and I’ve deleted loads of groups, archived chats and removed people.

On the flip side, I won’t be taking it personally if someone does the same to me. I think there is a lot of “hanging on” to chats that used to be passing conversations in the street or at a club that is totally unnecessary.

Could be anything. You say you spoke with them every day about your problems. Do you think this was perhaps something they found too much?
Blocking is cowardly but not everyone is assertive.

I last was on a few days ago. I'm not an offensive type of person and wasn't over sharing, no more than anyone else I'm sure.

Yes feels so cowardly. Why not explain? I'm left thinking I've done something awful.

Even if you were oversharing, they could have contacted you privately and asked you to stop. There was no need to kick you out of the group and block you! Seems very heavy handed and for them all to be ignoring you now. Very strange OP

Can you join another group or start one with the other person? I hope it's a mistake and they get back in contact soon.

Just ask one of them.

I have messaged two but not had a response. We were friends! I know I'd be thinking if a MN poster said this that you must have down something wrong but I really don't think I have. Maybe the other woman annoyed people sometimes but I didn't think I did.

I hope you get answers but honestly, people who can just boot you instead of telling you if they have a problem are not your friends.

How odd! If you last spoke a few days ago that can't be it. What was the last conversation you had like?

I think you might have misread the purpose or tone of the group. If it started as the hobby forum it's not the right place to discuss your life, family and worries

I'm in a hobby Whatsapp group with a lovely group of women that I now socialise with in real life but I wouldn't use the hobby group to discuss mine or their personal issues. That would happen in the pub after we'd done the hobby.

I find online that often the friendship isnt as deep as in real life. So people behave in odd ways sometimes and you have no idea why. Because you have never seen them behave that way at work or in a social situation.

I was thrown off a local mums facebook group and then blocked. I think - because there was no communication - my offense was to grumble about Halloween having become more important than Guy Fawkes. What upset me was that I lost overnight my local connections for supporting the women's refuge. I had done a lot behind the scenes. But the support required was only advertised on that particular group. I was upset for quite a while - then thought fuck it! I support other groups but am now very wary about being over involved with online friends.