Feeling like a failure due to poor career choices

[SarabiMufasa]

I honestly feel like I've failed in life and it's mainly because I keep comparing myself to other people!

I am 30 and I have not worked out what I want to do career wise in my life. I was doing a job I really enjoyed in my early 20's. It had a lot of coding involved and I loved it, but the software I was using was on its way out of the market and I thought it was a good time to make a career change. The other reasons for the career change was that career only paid well if you worked as a self employed contractor or as a consultant. I did not want to be working away from home a lot as I was married and want kids.

I made a career moved when I was 26. It's been 3.5 yrs since made the move into a professional role. I've had to sit many exams for this role and in about 2 years I should be finished. The issue is I hate it. I don't enjoy it at all. I have no interest in it.

I just can't stop comparing myself to other people my age who have chosen and successfully stuck to a career and now earn a good income from it whereas I am just hopping from job to job trying to work out what I want. I feel really disappointed in myself.

Most of the people I speak to say " no one likes their jobs just get a hobby". But I am doing this for 35-40 hours a week, if I don't enjoy it how can I be good at it and be successful in it.

I feel really guilty about feeling upset over this with people losing their jobs and people being put on furlough and here's me unhappy with a job/career path that many people try to get into.

Is there a branch or off-shoot of your work that you could find at all interesting? And could you bear to keep going until you're fully qualified?

Because once you are, you'll probably find that the possibilities open out - maybe in ways you're not yet aware of.

And, of course, unless you have another (well paid?) profession up your sleeve you may struggle to maintain or increase your earning power in the short term if you leave halfway through.

I don't have any real advice ... Plenty of people twice your age have never found their niche. It's fine to keep looking - but, as you say - the financial realities become more stark as you get older.

We're moving this thread over to our Chat topic for the OP.

@MayIDestroyYou
Thank you for your reply.

Yes there are branches that I think I might enjoy but the profession I work in is quite broad and if you don't have experience in the branches that you want you won't really be able to secure a job there... this is the impression I have got.

The company does rotations and therefore I could end up in the department I think I enjoy so I can always hold on for that.

You're right once I am qualified there might be different roles that are open to me that I hadn't even thought of.

But yes its the financial realities that it stopping me from giving up again. I think I'll stick it out for the next 2 years and then see where it takes me. At worst I've spent an extra 2 years or so before moving but in those 2 years I could find that I love the job and just didn't like the role I was in

You're not too old and it's not too late.

How might you identify the areas you're most interested in trying out on rotation? How might you make sure you get a place on those rotations?

@Palavah I'm only basing what I think I'd be interested in based on modules I took at uni and the parts of the job I enjoyed in my previous roles.

As for how you get a place on rotations, that is automatic for anyone studying for these exams we are moved every year to a different team.

The issue I am having is that I've now moved to 3 teams and I still don't really enjoy what I do. It feels a bit of waste finishing the qualification when I don't enjoy my jobs but then I haven't been to all the teams especially to any that I think I might enjoy

I hear you OP, I'm 35 and regret my career choice. I'm in education but desperately want out but no idea what else I could do/want to do.

What's the qualification? How recently did you graduate? - have you used any resources or support from your uni careers service?

Do you have any opportunity to express a preference for specific rotations?

Sorry this is probably really unfeminist but I was the same as you, then I had a child, went part time and now I don't feel the same need for a job to super interesting or validating. As long as it pays the bills I know that i can take my time to find a better balance. If you want a family don't wait until you have the perfect job/career, as some people only really figure this out in there 40s or later.

Have you read Lean In by Cheryl Sandberg yet? I found that really inspiring career wise. She points out that a lot of women make the mistake of putting the breaks on their career for imaginary family that doesn’t even exist yet, when really we should be putting our foot on the accelerator, getting those senior roles where we can create the flexible work life we need, and then you can call the shots for family life. So I would get these qualifications and find that niche that you love! You’re just in the hard dreary middle bit but you will reap your rewards soon!