How do you navigate different diets with kids?

[WhatTheFlap]

DH and I are expecting our first child in July which we are both over the moon about.

I'm vegan and have been for about 5 years, DH eats everything and between us this has never been an issue. I do most of the cooking and will usually just sub out meat for an alternative, or he eats veggie/vegan meals.

The question has been raised a few times in terms of what DS will eat when he's older. I would rather not give him a huge amount of meat/dairy whenever I can avoid it. Not necessarily raising him vegan, but just choosing veggie/vegan meals as much as possible.

DH isn't particularly keen on this and wants to raise him eating meat/dairy like most other kids. I'm not saying this is wrong, it's what most people do - it's just not something I would choose for my own child.

Has anyone else encountered this issue? How did you come to an agreement? We did discuss this a while back before I was pregnant but I think when it was hypothetical DH wasn't that fussed, now we've got DS on the way he's more bothered at the thought of a restricted diet!

I think both of us are equally valid in our points, but as I'm the main chef in the house it's likely going to come down to whatever I prepare. I just think DH is a bit cautious of the idea of limiting what he eats when at other people's houses/in restaurants etc.

Well, are you saying you would want to limit what the child eats when not at home? I think it's fair enough to only offer vegetarian and vegan food at home when you're cooking, but I feel your DH should be able to give him whatever good nutritious food he wants, and that DC should have free range elsewhere.

This isn't, though, an issue I've had to negotiate myself.

I don’t think you’re being at all unreasonable not to want to prepare meat. However, kids can be fussy buggers so without meat and especially diary they might not get everything they need. The obvious solution is that your DH takes more of a role in cooking. I’m a vegetarian and my DD eats fairly well but really loves meat and like many toddlers isn’t particularly enthusiastic about veg beyond a few safe choices like broccoli and peas. I will cook stuff like fish fingers for her but any other meat/fish I leave to her dad. Works well for us and I know she’s eating a healthy balanced diet.

My DD was raised veggie. She has always eaten a very wide range of food compared to her omnivorous peers, certainly a lot more veg. But then it may be that we never did processed food (including fake meat products) rather than the lack of meat as such that formed her palate. We’ve always cooked lots of flavours from around the world and her diet has never been particularly limited. I can take her to any restaurant serving any cuisine and she will always find something she likes. Her omnivorous cousins and some friends are all extremely fussy consumers of beige food only, even in their teens (they would reject a plate of pasta if one fleck of parsley had inadvertently fallen on it) and I wanted to avoid that. Luckily it seems to have worked.

She was given the choice when old enough if she wanted to eat meat outside the home but she chose not to. She is not lacking anything (before the children need meat crowd arrive) and was always the child at nursery and school who never got ill.

I eat practically vegan myself (I barely tolerate dairy and am not fond of eggs), but for me it was easier to include eggs and dairy in my child’s diet. That could maybe be a compromise, no meat but dairy and eggs?

I don’t think it’s the preparing it that would bother me as much as the actually feeding it to him - I really don’t want this to sound wanky but if I don’t think it’s healthy for me to eat it then I don’t really want to give it to my child. Perhaps grilled chicken/turkey or fish I wouldn’t be as bothered by, but red meats/anything processed I can just imagine will make me worry!

@Melassa this is exactly what I want to try and encourage as well! Loads of fruit and veggies and just hope and pray he doesn’t reject it 😂 we never ate chicken nuggets/fish fingers and things when I was a kid because my mum insisted on feeding us whatever they ate but I was also a nightmare when it came to finishing my dinner hahaha

DH was vegetarian when DC were born (he is now vegan). I am not vegetarian though we mostly ate vegetarian meals at home because I can’t be bothered with cooking separate meals and am not very good at cooking meat anyway. We discussed this before DC1 was born, and decided DC would not be brought up vegetarian but could make their own choice. DH answers questions about why he doesn’t eat bacon/ chicken/ cheese/ drink cow milk honestly in an age appropriate way, but I prefer him not to go into graphic details at the dinner table. DH does sometimes cook DC not vegan meals when I am at work, but most of our dinners are vegan for ease of only making one meal (DCs’ breakfast and lunch are not usually vegan).

My friend is vegan. Her dh is vegetarian. Her dc eats everything. She says it's up to her children to decide when they are old enough.

My dc is not vegan but he has multiple food allergies, so we adapt a lot of vegan cooking. But at school and friends house, it's kind of hard for him because he feels left out a lot of times that he can't eat normal food like others. So I think I totally agree with my friend's choice of letting her children choose when older.

I think there was some research that children who were not fed meat tended to be less fussy with eating/trying vegetables and generally ate a wider range of foods. I will see if I can dig it out.

In any case there is no need to go all “worthy” with a veggie/vegan diet, we eat all sorts, just make it tasty. Children can eat spice, you just need to introduce it gently (one of my DD’s favourite weaning foods was spinach Dahl and basmati with chopped fresh tomato). I agree with you regarding the not feeding meat, I had the same reaction as you, hence the decision to raise vegetarian, fully supported by my omnivorous DP.

I think there was some research that children who were not fed meat tended to be less fussy with eating/trying vegetables and generally ate a wider range of foods. I will see if I can dig it out

My nephew who was raised in a vegetarian household is the exception to the rule. He was very fussy about veg, didn't even like cheese. His sister eats everything. In my own non-veggie household Ds1 eats everything, Ds2 is more particular mainly because he had severe reflux and had and still has issues with certain food textures. But he still eats a wide variety of flavours.

I would say cook as usual, just make sure you are hitting all the nutritional bases. I didn't feed my two sons anything other than what we were eating so no food specifically aimed at children like those potato smiles things. So whoever is cooking, that is what the child is served too.

Children need a balanced diet to develop and grow properly. You cannot give your child all the nutrients he needs through a vegan diet. Supplements are not digested in the same way.
There are also many essential amino acids which his growing body needs, which are only obtained through meat, fish and animal products.

I am vegetarian and cook for myself and children. I don’t cook meat so Dh always cooks his own food.

Both dc have never eaten meat and ds went vegan at 16 years old. Why feed meat to children if they don’t need it.
Make what you eat snd if you cook meat just do some for Dh.
If Dh wants dc to be meat eaters then he better take over the cooking.

I won’t be cooking/prepping meat and dairy for him because I don’t see any need to - I eat a well rounded diet and would be happy to feed it to my child.

I think DH is more concerned around the “not allowed to” side of things - he wants to be able to feed him meat and dairy, like if we have a roast dinner or if we go to someone else’s house etc.

I don’t think this is an unfair stance to have whatsoever as it’s his child too and he is happy to eat these things himself, but it’s the awkwardness I’m going to feel about it that concerns me really.

If I were the only parent he’d probably be raised veggie - not loads of dairy but bits here and there, but no meat (because I don’t see any reason to add meat into a diet if the parent doesn’t already eat it.)

My DD (3 years old) is vegetarian, though if she goes to a kids party and picks up a sausage roll I’m not bothered. I’ve found it easy, she is in nursery 5 days a week and has vegetarian food only there, so only eats with us at the weekends.

I think by the time our kids are adults the majority of people will be vegetarian or vegan, and meat eating will be looked upon in a similar way to smoking nowadays.

I’ll also say, the only people who have taken issue with it are my DD’s grandparents (both sets) who think bringing her up vegetarian is outrageous, and said that a vegan diet is dangerous

I believe Deliciously Ella is bringing up her kids vegan and shows the kind of thing she makes for them.

I knew vegetarians who seemed to feel obliged to provide non-veg at home to their DC. I thought that was weird. I would not have felt like that when I was veg'n.

Speaking now as a content omnivore... I don't care what you feed them as long as it's nutritionally complete. You're not obliged to prepare food that unsettles you - just make sure it's nutritionally complete whatever you do provide and they get to eat.

Let them choose when away from home. Without hassle or comments that will give them social stress. Wait for them to ask or notice if you don't eat the same foods.

I have children who can’t eat dairy and a DH who is veggie. Please be aware that what is heathy vegan diet for an adult is not suitable for a child and it takes a lot more work to meet the dietary needs of a vegan child than a vegan adult. It is obviously possible to bring up children on a healthy vegan diet but it takes a bit more research and effort. Theee are some good Facebook pages out there but also so rubbish ones. I’ve (in also dairy and other foods free due to bf child with allergy) have started to eat meat in the house again as it’s an easy way to meet my requirements and I’ve started to crave it too so I’m guessing my body needs it.

I'm vegetarian, dh isn't. We have two DC, and from weaning age we'd let them choose what they wanted. We did cook mainly veggie meals anyway, but if daddy was having chicken with his, they'd always want the chicken too. Dc1 decided at age 5 she wanted to go veggie and has stuck with it two years on and says she'll always be veggie now. Dc2 eats mainly vegetarian, because as a family that's just the way our diet has gone, but he does love meat and will eat it if it's there and will choose it if it's an option. I think unless it's a whole family choice to go vegetarian/vegan, your dh eating meat, but not allowing your children too, may cause issues in the future. My Dc2 only eats meat on occasion, maybe once a week/fortnight, and as we use so little, we buy good quality meat, and I'm comfortable with him eating this in moderation if he chooses to. I personally don't see the desire to eat meat, and don't feel there are health benefits to it, but I also don't think there are health benefits to eating chocolate and sweets,band I wouldn't deprive my children of a childhood eating those.... Again, in moderation!!

I have a few friends who are vegan/veggie and they cook veggie at home but if the kids are at friends homes then they eat what their friends eat (it would restrict play dates otherwise as one friend won’t allow their child to eat meat but then complains they hardly get invited out for meals).

One friend is veggie but her husband eats meat so they eat veggie at home but if the kids are with their dad then they’ll have a cheeseburger as a treat out

My OH is veggie but didn’t think it was right to only feed veggie foods to our daughter.

We eat mainly veggie meals anyway and baby eats all of those, but I did buy some jars with meat in, a few tins of tuna to add to some meals and things like that but it meant I didn’t have to prep it.

Dairy will be your big one- I don’t see anything wrong with mixing vegan alternatives with normal dairy products.

Baby also goes to my parents and nursery where she eats non-veggie foods.

Chances are as they get older they will just eat what you eat anyway but at least they can make a choice in a few years time.

A vegetarian/vegan diet is better for animals and in general the environment, but you are naive to believe it’s healthier for humans.

The only problem I see with having vegetarian food and then going out and eating meat is if the child cannot stomach the meat.
Never happened to dd but ds was at school dinners where they served ravioli (the meat kind and the vegetarian kind)

After a mouthful he questioned the dinner lady about the contents of the ravioli. She assured him it was the vegetarian type. He had a few more mouthfuls and then projectile vomitted over his best friend who was sitting opposite and a few others he sprayed with chunks of ravioli.
We think the dinner ladies were doing it on purpose to show the vegetarians could eat meat because when I questioned them how they could get it so wrong one of them said they didn’t think it would do them any harm.
I don’t think they will try that experiment again

A vegetarian diet is better for humans. The longest lived and healthiest communities are all vegetarian or vegan.
You only have to look at the different cancers that affect predominantly meat eaters.

Dh and I are quite short. We come from short families. I.e no one over 5ft 6” in the family for generations. Yet our completely vegetarian children who haven’t ever eaten meat tower over us. I am one of the tallest in my family and dd is 6” taller and even dwarfs Dh when she goes out in heels
I wouldn’t worry about not growing on a vegetarian diet because from what I see is they grow much taller than their meat eating peers

The longest lived and healthiest communities are all vegetarian or vegan.

Am pretty sure that's a myth.
There is a tendency to limit animal flesh portions/week especially red meat, but not entirely absent. Similarly, milk products or eggs are not unusual.

From what I understand about the 'Blue zone' places: the main common feature is beans & pulses. Daily. Nobody every talks about that because there's no political movement linked to eating daily portions of beans.

I’d compromise and raise DC veggie, vegan seems a bit too much.

I actually think the healthiest approach (in terms of not forcing the child down any particular route) is that you cook and feed what you like to your child - but don't 'ban' meat. - So as DH wants they can eat a roast dinner at GP for example. You will probably find your child naturally chooses not to eat meat if you don't make it a big part of the diet.

It's like anything - ban it and it becomes desirable.

Also there is the fact that your husband doesn't follow a vegan diet - so his opinion also counts. (It could be worse - your husband might not be as accepting of vegan food and wanting to introduce meat every day - which we all know is unnecessary.)