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Original poster

Mothering has worn me out the last 12 months.

59 replies

Carryonsleeping · 02/04/2021 19:14

The last year has completely worn me down being a parent. Four dc from 8-19, all doing ok, but the relentlessness of school closures and children being home 24 hrs a day mostly, cooking, tidying, homeschool, supporting them etc with no respite from the drudgery has made me feel like I’m losing it.
They all help out but the mental load all falls on me. DH is good too, but he works a lot and is feeling it too. My patience is low and things seem to irritate me much more.
I know things are getting better, but I feel like I’ve hit such a low point, the climb to enjoy life again seems massive.
Anyone else feel the same?

OP posts:
PansyIvy · 02/04/2021 19:17

Totally feel the same. Being a parent this past year has been such a struggle. There have been some nice times too, but at the moment I feel totally and utterly depleted by the relentless demands of life as we currently know it.

I really really hope things will get better in the coming months. But the damage done to my DC will take time to repair.

Original poster
Carryonsleeping · 02/04/2021 19:32

It’s gone on for so long. With none of the distractions that ease parenthood.
I love my children, but they seem to be around constantly. The noise, snacking, mess etc is pushing me to my limit. I’m tired of seeing them all of the time! Feels relentless.

OP posts:
audweb · 02/04/2021 19:33

Yep. And I only have one. But I’ve had her solo as a lone parent, her dad barely had her anyway, but during covid he’s had her even less. Between that and working full time, it’s just been relentless.

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HavfrueDenizKisi · 02/04/2021 19:41

Yes with bells on.

It's the relentless nature of it. What to eat for dinner; supermarket shopping; laundry; keeping the house tidy repeat to fade.

Also it's the keeping everyone's spirits up, chivvying them along with work, encouraging exercise.

I have had my fill.

Original poster
Carryonsleeping · 02/04/2021 19:41

I know we had a few months last summer where things were a little better, but the last six months of bubbles collapsing at school, school closures, working and home school has depleted me. I feel like I just can’t be bothered anymore. Trying to make home ‘nice’ when I just don’t have the energy or motivation to do so.
Of the many years being a parent, this has definitely been the hardest.

OP posts:
Original poster
Carryonsleeping · 02/04/2021 19:43

hav it is the constant keeping spirits up and exercise etc. I’m tired of it. Trying to make birthdays fun in lockdown, Christmas without special events and now Easter. I just don’t have it in me anymore to come up with nice things to do.

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Kimye4eva · 02/04/2021 19:44

It’s like the Easter school hols came way too quick. Felt like they’d only just gone back to school then we were back to constant noise and going through so much food.

Food seems to be a real sore point for me. I’m aware that I have it a lot easier than many people, but it’s like the constant feeding everyone has become an obsession for me. I feel like I’m meal planning constantly. I know I can go out to the local shop if I need to, but it’s like I can’t forget the days a year ago when delivery slots were hard to come by and OH felt like he was facing almost certain death every time he popped into the supermarket. I nearly lost it today when he used the wrong tomatoes for lunch...

And don’t even get me started in how suffocated I felt this morning when I had both the 4 year old and 18 month old climbing all over me at 6am. I NEED SOME SPACE.

Not just you OP.

Original poster
Carryonsleeping · 02/04/2021 19:48

Even though my children are a bit older, they still seem to follow me around. If it’s not one, it’s the other. The lockdown and school closures has forced so many children to rely and turn to their parents far more than is natural for their age.

OP posts:
PansyIvy · 02/04/2021 19:49

Yes, Easter holidays after less than 3 weeks back in school felt like a bad joke.

I agree re meal planning. My DS has become super fussy this past year and I’m making him a separate meal in addition to everyone else’s. Even then it’s an argument each day about what it’s going to be. And don’t get me started on the washing up...

Original poster
Carryonsleeping · 02/04/2021 19:50

I would love a holiday, dinner out with friends, wear nice clothes again. But then my enthusiasm is waning and I’m not sure I will even be bothered when we’re allowed again.

OP posts:
BouquetsAndBalls · 02/04/2021 19:51

I hear you. I'm fooked.

Original poster
Carryonsleeping · 02/04/2021 19:52

Cooking every day. And for months on everyone eating every meal (and more) in the house.

OP posts:
Unmellowbirds · 02/04/2021 19:57

Yep, I hear you OP. I also have four, aged 5-13 and really don't think I could do Lockdown again. Last year was supposed the be the year it all got easier, with the youngest starting school in September and it just didn't. Instead of being able to enjoy a last summer with him and not having to scramble to fit work into preschool hours, it was everyone together, constantly feeding/supporting children and cleaning/tidying non-stop. House looks worse than ever before, I am utterly sick of living in a tip and everyone broke up yesterday and seems intent on doing nothing whilst I do everything. DH on holiday and pulls his weight but wants to sort garden this week which means I'll end up unable to do an thing I want and doing all the usual stuff.

It would help if it warmed up a bit - that lovely warmth last week made things much better so I'm clinging to the prospect of some sort of summer. But these two weeks will be long as we still can't get to see family as they're too far away.

So you have my sympathy!

PansyIvy · 02/04/2021 19:58

This is what worries me a bit too. That my enthusiasm to do things is gone. I feel like I’m just going through the motions at the moment.

Easterbunnyishoppingmad · 02/04/2021 19:59

5 x dc at home.. Tried to home school and keep 1 of my SE cleaning jobs the whole of Covid.. Knackered....
Brain felt at exploding point on Wednesday...
Sad had hoped for a lie in but neighbour's building work outweighed the street having a quiet Bank Holiday..
Twat.

InTheCludgie · 02/04/2021 20:01

I know what you mean OP. My DD age 6 is usually hard work but has been even more difficult lately. I get endless 'can we play, can we play,' follows me around constantly and gets huffy if I dont watch what she's doing every frigging minute. Today she told me she hated me after the game we were playing didn't go to plan, I got pissed off and left her with DH to buy a large bottle of gin go out a walk on my own.

I'm debating picking up extra shifts at work over the Easter hols when DH isn't working. I dont need the money but need it for my sanity - its not like we can go anywhere during the next fortnight anyway.

Parsley1234 · 02/04/2021 20:02

I feel your pain I have one ds 17 now and he’s normally away at school I lost 3 businesses in the first lockdown and he was home for 6 months the food the washing the gaming all relentless. I had to take a regular job to pay the school fees and now I feel absolutely done in I have no energy for anything feel no joy in anything and am so so bored and fed up

Nemostripes · 02/04/2021 20:10

I feel the same! I only have one DC, a 10-month-old, my mom died a month ago, my DH works 12 hours a day, and I have no family who are comfortable enough with covid to help. I've basically been alone with my baby for the best part of a year. No groups, no help, and no time to grieve. I'm back at work three days a week, from home (ha! I end up working every evening as it's impossible to get anything done while DC awake) and I feel like I'm on a hamster wheel most of the time.

So, sending you the most sympathy and love really.

Original poster
Carryonsleeping · 02/04/2021 20:15

Sorry you’re all feeling it too. But reassuring it’s not just me. Bored and fed up too. The weight of carrying everyone else through this is hard. Usually with parenting, you give time to your children but support yourself outside the home be it with friends, hobbies, eating out, exercise etc. But there has been none of that so my reserves have got lower, but the demands have got greater.
The children are off for Easter and it feels like de ja vu!

OP posts:
Original poster
Carryonsleeping · 02/04/2021 20:18

nemo that sounds hard. The baby years are very tough and it is normally the baby groups, family and other mum friends that get you through. The days are very long without that.
So sorry to hear about your mum. Be easy on yourself and anything that makes life a little easier and nicer at the moment just do it.

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Cheeeeislifenow · 02/04/2021 20:27

So glad you posted this I just need a fucking break. My eldest has asd and displays challenging behavior (16). my youngest has asd and is like a ticking time bomb with anxiety. He is constantly asking me to play and asks the same questions repetitively every day, which is based in anxiety, so not something i can easily stop.My eldest is not back to school until the 12th April (Ireland) he has been off since before Christmas.
I am sick of cooking, cleaning, shopping for food.
My youngest asd boy stims verbally, he has been non stop all day making random noises and I can't tell him to stop even though I wish he would as the noise is so annoying (not normally, just right now) .
My middle child is also looking for my constant attention and keeps talking in silly voices.
They are all making endless noise.

I just need a night away and I know I would be a better parent for it.

Original poster
Carryonsleeping · 02/04/2021 20:34

The cooking, shopping, the constant questions, tidying, laundry and motivating.
And there is nothing to do really apart from sitting outside and it’s cold.
It’s not healthy to spend so much time with our children.

OP posts:
Original poster
Carryonsleeping · 02/04/2021 20:35

I’d like to do ‘adult’ things where there are no children in sight!

OP posts:
Cheeeeislifenow · 02/04/2021 20:37

Yes and when they are older it's impossible as they are always here.

DinosApple · 02/04/2021 20:38

It's the relentlessness of a life without other distractions. There's been no extended family adults over my threshold for well over a year, very few trips out, holidays cancelled, no usual flower shows/country fairs, girls holiday, Christmas market and not even a meal out.

It's very obvious that whether it's family or friends the benefits that my children derive from having other adults in their lives are immeasurable, and it improves my parenting.

Being the provider of food each and every day, for three meals a day makes me extremely cranky!

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