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Original poster

Mothering has worn me out the last 12 months.

59 replies

Carryonsleeping · 02/04/2021 19:14

The last year has completely worn me down being a parent. Four dc from 8-19, all doing ok, but the relentlessness of school closures and children being home 24 hrs a day mostly, cooking, tidying, homeschool, supporting them etc with no respite from the drudgery has made me feel like I’m losing it.
They all help out but the mental load all falls on me. DH is good too, but he works a lot and is feeling it too. My patience is low and things seem to irritate me much more.
I know things are getting better, but I feel like I’ve hit such a low point, the climb to enjoy life again seems massive.
Anyone else feel the same?

OP posts:
FakeFruitShoot · 02/04/2021 20:42

You're definitely not alone. I feel as though I've aged 10 years in 6 months.

Original poster
Carryonsleeping · 02/04/2021 20:44

I feel irritable and my patience is waning. My children are older so it feels like from when I get up until I go to bed, at least one of them is there. I feel bad, but it’s just too much.
dinos the absence of not having anything to look forward to for me. Just the same drudge each day.
I’m not depressed, just feel low and utterly fed up with living like this. I’m hoping my spark will return as lockdown eases, but I think it will take time to feel like my old self again.

OP posts:
DIshedUp · 02/04/2021 20:46

Honestly OP you have 4 DC. What did you expect? Obviously there's always going to be one there.

I think this is how everyone feels, I think everyone feels bored and fed up with the drudgery of life.

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Families
Original poster
Carryonsleeping · 02/04/2021 20:47

Little things like having a haircut, lunch in a cafe, an exercise class, wine at a friend’s house all rejuvenate me and enable me to be a better mother and partner. But there has been none of that for what seems like a very long time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Carryonsleeping · 02/04/2021 20:54

dishedup I think what ok trying to say that parenthood always has it’s challenges. But the last year with closures of schools, clubs, shops etc and most things cancelled, so life has primarily been at home, it has been relentless.
My dd has had 8 weeks in school the last year due to bubbles bursting in her secondary school year and schools closing.

OP posts:
TeenTraumaTrials · 02/04/2021 21:13

I agree it's getting so hard to be positive and the relentless need for chat/food/help with school work/dealing with DC's stresses and mental health issues over the past year with no respite, help or anything to look forward to has drained me beyond measure. I also have a manager at work who is childless and has a partner who is retired and does all of the cooking, brings her cups of tea duringTeams calls etc. It's clear that she just cannot understand why my productivity, motivation, mood, creativity etc are well below par. And that work stress in turn is making me an even worse parent. I miss the person I used to be.

Auntycorruption · 02/04/2021 21:17

Agree.

And my kids are so bored. They've forgotten how to have fun and just sit staring at screens.

Cloud1220 · 02/04/2021 21:21

It’s a relief to see that so many others are feeling like this, too. I posted on another thread that I am just no longer the mother I used to be/want to be! I have zero energy, motivation or enthusiasm to play/cook/motivate others any longer! My children are 9 months and 3 years. I feel for the baby he’s only ever had a grumpy mummy!!!

EcoCustard · 02/04/2021 21:26

I agree. Have very little left in the tank at the moment.

Original poster
Carryonsleeping · 02/04/2021 21:31

teen I miss the old me too. My default seems to be irritable and grumpy these days. Each day is just more of the same.

OP posts:
merrygoround88 · 02/04/2021 21:32

OP I feel exactly the same. I simply can’t be the family entertainments officer any more. It’s so draining.
@DIshedUp Jog on to another thread. None of us signed up for what’s been expected of us over the last year and the OP like everyone else is expressing how hard it all is

Original poster
Carryonsleeping · 02/04/2021 21:37

merry yeah being the entertainments officer sums it up too. Trying to make things fun and nice and raise spirits is too much to bear anymore. I dread ‘special’ days now such as birthdays, Easter etc. I just think more work and effort. And there’s just nothing left of me to give, but more is expected.

OP posts:
Original poster
Carryonsleeping · 02/04/2021 21:40

I’ve also given up trying to get the children off screens as there isn’t much else for them to do that we haven’t done already.

OP posts:
QpopTYUIop9 · 02/04/2021 21:41

Could not agree more.
It’s like permanent PMT for me. It used to be a couple of days a month I would dearly wish everyone would just f. off and now it’s a frequent feeling. Not ever ever ever having the house to myself (we both work from home full time) is a killer too. And the endless relentless dull as dishwater cooking and cleaning and meal planning...I have lost all enthusiasm for family life which is so sad.

Matreshka · 02/04/2021 21:43

@Carryonsleeping

merry yeah being the entertainments officer sums it up too. Trying to make things fun and nice and raise spirits is too much to bear anymore. I dread ‘special’ days now such as birthdays, Easter etc. I just think more work and effort. And there’s just nothing left of me to give, but more is expected.
You said it, I feel like I’ve got nothing left to give, I am done and I feel so awful for just wanting to hide in my phone or behind my screen...I feel like such a shit mum.
Original poster
Carryonsleeping · 02/04/2021 21:48

I used to like wearing nice clothes, meeting friends, going out with dh. Now I just feel robotic. Get up do exactly the same as I did the day before. I look tidy. But wear no makeup anymore and just tie my hair back as it needs cutting.

Spend the day tidying, cooking, shopping, laundry, listening and supporting children . A walk or a run. Play on my phone. Watch tv a bit. And that’s it. Feel like it’s been the same for months. And just can’t be bothered to come up with new stuff to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
Carryonsleeping · 02/04/2021 21:50

matreshka not a shit mum, just human. We’re all depleted and tired of it all.

OP posts:
pickaxer · 02/04/2021 21:51

My DS aged 4 says his legs are bored of walks. His behaviour was awful today ( first day of the school holidays, he's in reception.) My behaviour was bad too, no patience, a bit ott repeating myself in very irritate manner. My DH is a grumpy unhelpful arse so makes me worse.

Original poster
Carryonsleeping · 02/04/2021 21:56

I make sure we all get exercise each day and fresh air. But that’s another chore now too. Whereas before school pe lessons and sports clubs would tick that box.
Walks and bike rides have become tedious.

OP posts:
MissDollyMix · 02/04/2021 21:58

Yes! I feel so drained, I have no motivation, I just don’t feel like me anymore Sad

SaraCrewesDoll · 02/04/2021 22:18

Same here. Also have four, two years apart and oldest is 9. Feel so at sea. Just felt like they went back to school and now holidays again. I have been a SAHP for last few years since leaving my city job when pregnant with #4.

I also feel ashamed to feel like this because I actually have live in help. Which is just as well as my husband struggles to do anything in addition to his job and we don’t have any family nearby to help. During lockdown I did homeschool and our live in lady did housework and laundry etc. So compared to most people I have been living a dream.

But it’s the constant unending asking me to do x y z, fetch this or that, the bickering, their boredom, my worrying I am not doing enough. I feel like a bad mother but god I just feel so drained and bored a lot of the time.

TeenTraumaTrials · 02/04/2021 22:20

I'm.in Scotland where we're still tied to our local authority area. Holidays started today and DC's asked what are we doing? We can't even legally drive to meet family outside because they live 120 miles away.
The only option we have is a family walk. Literally nothing else to do. I used to love going out for a walk. Now I hate it. But there's nothing else to do. carry on I've given up on the screens too. It's the only entertainment available. But I am so worried about the effect of all of this on my DC's.

Original poster
Carryonsleeping · 02/04/2021 22:25

sara a lot of being a mother is boring. There are some lovely parts, but the constant demands can be tiresome. In normal times we balance that out by meeting our own needs through seeing friends, clubs, holidays, eating out etc. All of that has gone and the demands are now greater. It’s all out of balance.
Do not at all feel ashamed because you have ‘help’, it is still hard and your four are still very young and will be very full on. Talking to children constantly is very boring most of the time. Conversation with adults is much better!

OP posts:
HappyAsASandboy · 02/04/2021 22:28

I feel the same. I have four kids 10, 10, 6 and 1 (today!). DC4 was a surprise i was worried about coping with (I am 42), and then my "maternity year" perfectly aligned with covid lockdowns Hmm While I am glad that I didn't have to wfh and homeschool three kids, I can't pretend having a newborn and three kids to homeschool was a picnic either.

We had some lovely times last summer, and I am holding on the the hope we'll have lovely times this summer. But I am so so so worn down by balancing everyone's emotions, refereeing endless disagreements, buoying everyone along, and worst of all feeding everyone eleventy million times per day.

My kids now wake up, come from their bed to my bed (if they're not already there Hmm) and the first thing they say to me in the morning is "I'm bored". I have no hope in the face of boredom that starts on waking.

I kind of couldn't believe it when they broke up again three weeks after going back to school. Another piece of me broke on the last day of term.

I'm not sure I will ever really be the same again after this year.

SaraCrewesDoll · 02/04/2021 22:30

@Carryonsleeping what a supportive and considerate response, thank you.