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Original poster

Should I just ignore their request?

31 replies

myknightinshiningwhatever · 02/04/2021 01:55

I am so angry I can't even think clearly

Just found out I'm pregnant after 9 miscarriages and our baby last year was born sleeping at full term. She was absolutely perfect and I am so happy to be going through this again but I'm also terrified. We've only just found out and it's extremely early days, my DH told his brother we were thinking of trying again after losing our daughter. He said he was happy for us but he didn't seem it.

he then mentioned that if we were to get pregnant this year we should avoid announcing pregnancies in June and July, as their baby is due in June and they want 2 months of having a happy baby bubble with the attention on them, he then said xxx is really worried that what happened to you will happen to us and we just want to the support of the family and not have attention focused elsewhere..

This is so bizarre but whatever, however I will be 12 weeks in June and I need support after losing our daughter, if we listen to their requests I'll be telling close family who we want to support us and be there with us, that I'm pregnant at 22-28 weeks..

I wouldn't announce I'm pregnant at the birth or anything  promise! But can I just tell them after our scan (that I hope against hope is okay) and ignore their request ?

Also I don't even know where to start with the comments on my daughter. Fucking hell.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 02/04/2021 02:12

Ignore your BIL. Completely. You may announce your pregnancy anytime you wish. I'm very sorry about the loss of your daughter.

AmberItsACertainty · 02/04/2021 02:16

He's a selfish git. He can want whatever he wants. Doesn't mean he's going to get it! Your life and pregnancy is yours. You do what suits you not what suits someone else. Sorry for your earlier losses Flowers

Midlifelady · 02/04/2021 02:19

Wow. Announce whenever you like - I wouldn't wait til 12 weeks, as if you lose the baby at any time you'd want support right?
And he's kidding himself about having two months of happy baby bubble - lasts about a week, then people get on with their own lives.
Your news will be a mix of joy and worry, sure, but it's hardly going to take over anyone's life other than yours. I think your families can support/take joy in both your bro in law's new baby and your pregnancy without one taking away from the other.

cantthinkofauniquename · 02/04/2021 02:20

I'm so sorry for your earlier losses and sending you lots of positivity for your pregnancy. Ignore your BIL completely.

AlCalavicci · 02/04/2021 02:21

Oh you poor thing , you and DH really have been through the mill haven't you .
TBF i think I would of preferred it if DH had not said anything to his brother just yet until i was a bit more sure things were going ok , but this is only my way of thinking , by no means am I saying this is right for you and DH .

As for 'D'bil while I can understand ( A bit ) why he wants it to be his thing he has no right whatsoever to tell you when you can and can not announce your happy news .
Does he think that miscarriages are contagious ?

I really hope that all goes well for you DH and the LO Flowers

NinthCircle · 02/04/2021 03:09

I am honestly baffled by people like your BIL with the insane limelight-hogging. Not only is it a horrendously insensitive thing to say to a couple who’ve experienced so many losses, but it’s hilariously self-aggrandising. Is he expecting the entire family to sit about refraining from any other distractions and directing all their attention to their baby? Did he not get enough attention as a child or something?

Ignore.

Kintsuji · 02/04/2021 03:38

I'm baffled by that attitude. If a friend or family member announced a loss when one of our boys was born I wouldn't have been thinking of our 'limelight', I would have been focused on trying to support them. I also wouldn't want a loved one suffering in silence so I could be in my baby bubble. That's not a nice way to treat people at all. Announce when you're ready. I'd try to avoid day of babies birth, maybe day after too, but that's it. BIL and SIL sound very self involved. I'm very sorry for all you and your DH have gone through. I hope all goes smoothly with pregnancy and birth this time.

spottygymbag · 02/04/2021 04:42

Do what's right for you. I was pregnant at the same time as two of my SIL's but all at different stages. We all encountered different issues and had our own hurdles but it didn't stop the family as a whole from being supportive. Far from "sharing the spotlight" it was actually really quite bonding and none of us begrudged attention being diverted from our own pregnancies and new arrivals.

Eekay · 02/04/2021 04:57

I'm so very sorry for your loss.
Do exactly what you want. You don't have to follow anyone else's instructions.
Any normal person would be delighted and fully supportive after what you've been through Flowers

FrenchFancie · 02/04/2021 05:06

Jesus some people have some very odd ideas!
Don’t announce it at the birth of their child, or like a day or two afterwards. Or at a family wedding.

Other than that, announce it how and when you like. After so many losses you deserve all the family support you want. Could you consider telling family now?

NoSquirrels · 02/04/2021 05:12

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Wishing you all the good things.

Tell people whenever you like. Ignore BIL!

I mean, I guess you could ask people to be discreet and not tell BIL and SIL until August, to preserve the ‘baby bubble’ for them Hmm but there’s no reason why you shouldn’t have emotional support from your families. If BIL & SIL don’t want to know your news don’t tell them, that’s their choice, but they can’t dictate who else you tell.

It’s very selfish of them considering your history but don’t waste your energy on them. Just nod and smile and do what you need to do.

custardbear · 02/04/2021 05:34

Ignore their selfish behaviours. I really hope everything works out for you. I take it you're under the doctor for medical support - good luck and best wishes

Milkshake7489 · 02/04/2021 05:45

Congratulations OP and I'm so sorry about your previous losses Flowers.

Ignore your BIL and tell people whenever you are ready.

Returnoftheowl · 02/04/2021 10:45

@NoSquirrels

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Wishing you all the good things.

Tell people whenever you like. Ignore BIL!

I mean, I guess you could ask people to be discreet and not tell BIL and SIL until August, to preserve the ‘baby bubble’ for them Hmm but there’s no reason why you shouldn’t have emotional support from your families. If BIL & SIL don’t want to know your news don’t tell them, that’s their choice, but they can’t dictate who else you tell.

It’s very selfish of them considering your history but don’t waste your energy on them. Just nod and smile and do what you need to do.

I was thinking along these lines.. tell your close people, but tell them not to share the news anywhere else, then don't tell BIL until August. Or don't tell him at all, just let him work it out when you're showing.

He's being spectacularly thoughtless.

Samcro · 02/04/2021 10:47

bloody hell what a selfish wanker. ignore them.

Easterbunnyishoppingmad · 02/04/2021 10:55

Batshit relatives... Sorry for your loss. And you bloody well shout from the rooftops about your baby should you wish....

ThePricklySheep · 02/04/2021 10:59

What a total wanker.

If you’re 4 weeks today, then you’re 12 weeks on 28th may I think?

Mackie2020 · 02/04/2021 11:03

Tell your family on 31st May. That's sticking to their horrendous rule for you.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Original poster
myknightinshiningwhatever · 02/04/2021 11:13

Ah I hadn't thought about may! Thank you!!

OP posts:
JustSleepAlready · 02/04/2021 11:15

Ignore. This was selfish. Everyone wants to be the centre of attention when they’re pregnant- sort of - it’s natural to want people to share and enjoy the whole thing with you. Maybe it cane from a place where they want it to be just about them , but life rarely
Works like that. Try to enjoy your pregnancy , as difficult as it may be. And tell whoever you want whenever you want.

BloodyCreateUsername · 02/04/2021 11:16

Bunch of tossers.

Jesus Christ, cannot believe the selfishness of them. I’d be overjoyed to be pregnant at the same time SIL.

Announce when you like. I’m petty but I’d make sure everyone knows what they said to you too.

Huge congratulations to you both.

feelingmean21 · 02/04/2021 11:18

People are weirdly superstitious about such things!

Like you I lost my youngest daughter full-term (and nearly died myself during delivery). I had a miscarriage after, but couldn't go through the heartache again, so she was my last child.

When people found out I'd lost a child they became 'weird' and distant. Pregnant women in particular, shunned me, as if it could rub off on them.

Your BIL is insensitive and selfish, but sadly a lot of people are. Do what protects you. I'd probably not tell them, as my MH would come first.

Sorry for your loss and hope a rainbow for you soon xx

Deathraystare · 02/04/2021 11:18

Doesn't he realise that the birth of the year will be my Godson and his wife's first born in June!!!!!

Congrats and ignore him. Silly man he and his partner are not the only ones ever to be expecting a birth!

crashbandicootwarped · 02/04/2021 11:22

Well they have show that you won't have their support.

I'd tell your family and everyone around the selfish fucks but leave them out of the announcement

IntermittentParps · 02/04/2021 11:29

Yes, ignore the twats. If he asks again tell him to get a grip.

Congrats on your pregnancy. Thanks

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