Unfriendly teacher

[Survivingontea]

My child is in year 1 and the whole Term has come to an end, but his teacher still seems unfriendly and unapproachable.I have also had a meeting with her in the past which went ok.But, I do not find her welcoming.For eg, in the morning she will open the classroom door and turn her back, without saying hello ! Everytime you want to talk to her she makes herself appear busy or will just quickly walk past. My child has no problem with her and Infact likes her.But, it is a big difference for me and other parents from the teacher we had in reception who was extremely friendly, approachable and passionate about not only her work but building parent teacher relationships/ sense of community. And, the thing that bugs me even more is that I am the parent class rep, in my child’s current class 🤦🏻‍♀️

Is it to do with covid restrictions maybe? I know at my DD's school the teachers have advised that communication between parents and teachers at the classroom door is to be kept minimal and we are to contact the teacher through the class app for everything other than absolute emergencies.

If the children like her, I wouldn't be fussed. Maybe she isn't into the parental small talk.

Your child likes her and assuming they are learning well, I’d leave the teacher to do their job.

So the children like her, and you've not raised any concerns about the quality of her teaching? Not everyone has to like everyone

My child had a teacher who at first take was cold and unapproachable as a parent. She will talk to you, but it’s very strictly business and as short as possible. I can understand that, I imagine talking to parents takes a lot of time if you’re too casual about it. I was worried about having her but actually she had a great relationship with the kids and was an absolutely awesome teacher - very strict but really had the measure of the (difficult and full of “characters”) class, really pushed my child and most of the kids loved her. Get her talking about her key subject and she was very knowledgeable and passionate about it. I’m ok with that - I don’t need her to be my friend, I need her to educate and support my child and she did that amazingly well. I’d actually prefer her to the incredibly friendly, tried to hug me, fluffy teacher he had the next year.

Some teachers have a great manner with parents. Some have a great manner with the kids. The two don’t always go together, in my experience!. Both my kids have had teachers I have thought to be rather unfriendly and unapproachable....but they have absolutely loved.

Hi , i have 3 kids , i know how you feel .
In all my kids school years i have experienced this thankfully just once, she was a year 1 teacher too.
She was cold ,unfriendly ,unapproachable and didn't give the impression of liking kids much at all.
She taught my 1st child and i was an inexperienced mother then and it really bothered me as she was so unlikeable.
As time moved on i realised she was the one with the problem ,not me , not the kids , not the other parents.
I would smile , be polite ,be yourself ,she's the one with the problem, your child will be out of the class fairly soon and hopefully you won't get the same again !

Maybe she's just ... busy? You know getting the day ready for the class.
If you want to speak to her arrange a meeting.

I think she is keeping a professional distance. Your chikd isn't in reception anymore. Some parents can be too much at times. I have had parents tell me their whole life story and irrelevant information when I am so busy. That said, I am always friendly and polite. But she might be so drained from her work to engage in chit chat daily with parents.

The beginning of school isn't the time to be having chats with her. She needs to settle the kids and get started. If there is something important send an email or letter or write in a contact book or arrange an appointment.

I have been this teacher before I left the profession. There was a reason I used to do this but you might not like it...! Some parents were extremely needy and wanted to tell me all about little Archie and what he’d had for breakfast etc etc. In my first few years of teaching, these type of chats took up a lot of time at the door and often wouldn’t allow me to say good morning/see you tomorrow to the ones that count- the children! To avoid these pointless messages, I acted cool towards the parents and as if I was always extremely busy. I always figured that if the parents had something important to say, me acting like that wouldn’t stop them! The kids in my classes were important to me and I remember each and every one of them fondly... yes - even the characters! I cannot say the same about some of the parents. Apologies if this offends anyone.

I haven’t chatted to parents at my door since August, they can contact me via our school app in private message. This is checked before I start and at the end of the day so I can call them if need be. I’m not going to put myself at risk chatting at a door and some parents don’t understand the concept of social distancing!

Are the children happy in her class? Are issues resolved well? Many teachers have restricted chit chat at the door to focus on the children rather than 30 complaining parents who all have something they think is important to tell them.

Don't compare teachers, especially going from R to Y1. Reception class teachers are generally very chatty and proactive because the kids and parents need them to be, in Y1 the kids have some independence and the parents don't need mollycoddling anymore.

My dd's reception class teacher was like this ! Very unwelcoming at such an exciting time for my dd starting school, the first settling in session she didn't ever introduce herself or speak just left it to the teaching assistant !

What matters is your child being happy in class. I would rather have an uncommunicative teacher who is great with kids, than a communicative teacher who is not great with kids.

You also have no clue what is going on in their life at the moment.

And being class rep isn't grounds for special levels of chat from the teacher!

^Ds couldn’t read or write and so had very simple spellings so when he came out with a list of words that the top set had I went in to ask if she could swap them.
Before I got 2 words out she was in my face screaming so hard I had spit dribbling down my forehead^

I very much doubt this is true

I wouldn’t give it much thought. A teacher is just doing their job, they don’t have to be nicey nicey. My mum was a teacher (as was my dad) and her opinion was that parents should never be speaking to teachers outside of parents evening. Teachers don’t need to be approachable or otherwise friendly with parents.

Making herself appear busy (!)

I agree that a cheery hello would be better but if you need to pass a message on could you ring the school office? Especially at the moment.

Even before covid I used to avoid chit chat at drop off because we had a strict phonics timetable to do with other classes and if one class dropped behind the whole system backed up.

And you’ve got a class of thirty children who need your time and attention or suddenly there’s a fight in the cloakroom and someone’s crying because they’ve forgotten their packed lunch (my TA couldn’t deal with it as she started the day with pre teaching)

If she's anything like me, I'm quickly letting the children in through the gate before another bubble comes five minutes later, as well as sorting the late comers from the previous bubble!

In covid times it is hard to speak to parents on the gate but I always say a good morning and a smile and always great each child individually. It is difficult though as some parents want to keep me on the gate for ages, talking about things which could be discussed over the phone, or are so silly, there's no need to discuss really!

My colleague was exactly like this. He didn’t have much time for adults, but where kids were concerned, my word he came alive. He made every minute magical for them.
When they left in yr6 it was always him they cried over even if the last time they had him was way down the school. The parents hated him though, thought he was a right arrogant git. 🤷🏻‍♀️ They just didn’t see him in action. I was always transfixed, he was a rare find.

I've always found that the teachers who are not so arsed with the parents are the absolute best with the kids. They are the ones that truly enjoy children and are usually fantastic at playing piano and teaching the children songs etc. In my experience anyway.

DD had a teacher a bit like this last year, although she was more hot and cold rather than unfriendly all the time. I really didn't like her and don't think she did a good job. Luckily she went on maternity leave half way through the year. DD quite liked her but DS didn't and interestingly she's the only teacher he has ever said he doesn't like!

Don't agree that the best teachers are not so good with the parents. The best teacher my DC have ever had was also wonderful with the parents. Being good with children and pleasant to other adults are not mutually exclusive.

mackleless

Why?

Don’t you think a teacher would scream in your face.
Most of the parents were outside wondering what the Hell was going on.
From what I could make out she was saying that was the homework set and that is what he had to do.

Our parents have been told that if they wish to speak to the teacher they have to either email the school office or send a message via class Dojo. They are not to expect talking to staff at the classroom door. This is part of the risk assessment currently in place.
It seems some parents think this doesn’t apply to them!