The Obligatory Sad Tea Bag Wake and other kitchen nonsense...

[LadyJaye]

My OH is a lovely man, but for some reason, putting a tea bag in the food waste bin is ANATHEMA to him: we all must respect the Obligatory Sad Tea Bag Wake, where it sits pathetically by the side of (or worse, in) the sink until I can stand it no longer and put it in the fucking bin where it should have been in the first place.

What kitchen nonsense goes down in your house?

^that makes more sense if you know the bins are in the garage, sorry.

Someone at work lines the draining board with paper towels. Why??? It is a bloody draining board, its purpose is to drain the water. The towels go soggy and then dry, sticking to the draining board in the process, so you have to pick bits off. 🤯

I have my suspicions about who it is - the same person who manages to get coffee grounds everywhere

DH cannot put the freshly washed cat bowls away, ( shock horror, we wash them in the dishwasher) They have lived in the same cupboard for 12 years but always left on the side.

@VodselForDinner

And lo, the man he couldth not decideth if he required of himself the nourishment of a second sandwich and so he merrily cast his butter-streak knife aside to wobble forth on the edge on yon sink where it should weep greasy tears for its slain brethren sleeping fitfully neath the bubbled waters below, and await its fate.

This. Why does he do this? Put the fucker in the dishwasher.

@TheTurn0fTheScrew

the recycling shrine

all inhabitants of the house are keen recyclers. tins, bottles and jars are sorted from the general waste and placed, not in the recycling bins immediately outside the backdoor, but on the work surface nearest to the back door, where they are to be admired for days and days.

According to an ancient law, only the High Priestess of recycling (ie me) is permitted actually to open the back door and put the recycling in the bin.

Bloody hell, we have one of these as well (in spite of the literal 2m distance between the kitchen worktop and the cupboard in the hall in which the recycling box resides).

I'm quite pleased with my new High Priestess status, though.

I should also add, though, in the spirit of full disclosure, that I am the Teaspoon Fairy, merrily scattering teaspoons in my wake, as god forbid a decent human being should use a teaspoon more than once...

Ah, the lids! Back when my dad was still able to wash up, every time we visited them I would find a dozen foil milk-bottle tops sitting under the rack on the draining board (which neither he nor my sister appeared to consider needed wiping at all).

My husband isn't bad at kitchen stuff, though since our dishwasher broke it's become obvious that he also doesn't consider the draining board to need wiping. His own wtf moment is as follows.

Our dishwasher lived in the laundry room (it was easiest that way). We tended to leave stuff waiting to go in the dishwasher on the small square of worktop by the door into the laundry room, next to the sink. This was fine.

Every morning H would bring his morning tea and coffee mugs downstairs and place them on the main worktop on the other side of the kitchen (nearest the entrance). Every morning, without fail.

We'd had the dishwasher for five years when we had building work done. The dishwasher was out of action, and in fact removed and placed in the lounge.

The very first morning after the move, he came downstairs and put his mugs on the worktop next to the laundry room.

And use the bloody can squasher before you put your Diet Coke cans in the recycling

DH likes to precariously balance items on the tiny sliver of counter in front of the sink, especially if these items are potentially hazardous, eg. Sharp knives, breakable items.

This is made more fun when you know the vibrations from the washing machine frequently result in them falling off - always onto the floor rather than safely into the sink.

He also likes to move the oven gloves from their home next to the oven and leave them..well.. anywhere else really. The living room is a good spot for them.

And verily, so we were visited by the sprite that placeth out of date food on the side IN FRONT OF the food recycling bin, so that it shall be worshipped and revered for its sacrifice rather than be banished within the bin, unseen and unlamented.

@TheTurn0fTheScrew

the recycling shrine

all inhabitants of the house are keen recyclers. tins, bottles and jars are sorted from the general waste and placed, not in the recycling bins immediately outside the backdoor, but on the work surface nearest to the back door, where they are to be admired for days and days.

According to an ancient law, only the High Priestess of recycling (ie me) is permitted actually to open the back door and put the recycling in the bin.

Turn My family worship at the same shrine. The draining board is actually a recycling space. The recycling bin (installed at great expense when we had the kitchen done) is to be kept empty - presumably so we can contemplate its empty loveliness! Who knew!

Booby traps. Pint glasses carefully placed teetering on the outside corner of the work top where it meets the sink. Ready for my elbow to jostle it and for it to smash to fucking smithereens on the tiles. Arrrggghhh... my kids and DH all do it.

The biggest sin carried out in my kitchen is the person not cooking casually wonders past the hob and turns down the gas! Unrequested and unwanted. We also have a shelf where random objects sit for months waiting to go to the garage, just meters away.

Spoony fuckering.

@Justmuddlingalong

Spoony fuckering.

Can I also add huggyfuckery?

I’m trying to do shit here with a sharp knife in my hands and you are getting in my fucking way.

I remember Emma Thompson saying her husband Greg likes to reuse tea bags!

That gave me the shudders, I like a strong cup of tea.

Spoonyfuckery and huggy/kissyfuckery are definitely high on my list, almost as high as leaving rubbish on the worktop, tea towels on the side, and tea spoons in the bottom of the sink.

I've lived on my own for just over 15 years. I fucking love it.

Filling the washing up bowl with water to allow things to "soak", but then conveniently forgetting to do said washing up so I come from work hours later to a bowl full of freezing cold, greasy water.

We have a perfectly usable dishwasher, why then does my husband decide he needs to hand wash things? It means we end up with a pile of clean stuff on the draining board where it doesn't need to be and a half empty dishwasher waiting to be full enough to justify turning it on

I live with the Leaver of Bath Towels and his heir apparent.
Towels are left on bedroom floors, over the bannister scrunched up and even downstairs but never on the radiator in the bathroom where they stand a chance of drying.
We have conquered the wet swimming towel mountain that built up in front of the washing machine (no never IN the washing machine) but that's only because we haven't been swimming.

Mouldy tea bag mountains - I thought it was DSS but he moved out months ago.
When one little teabag mound gets too high, DH starts another one.

DH "doesn't know" where the numerous plastic tubs go when they come out of the dishwasher. The fact they all go in the same cupboard in a dedicated box is an irrelevance. They therefore sit forlornly on the worktop above the cupboard until I either crack and put them away, or we reuse them. This is basically because he's too lazy to bend down

@marchofthesinisterducks

Filling the washing up bowl with water to allow things to "soak", but then conveniently forgetting to do said washing up so I come from work hours later to a bowl full of freezing cold, greasy water.

I have one of these too. No, toast plates and coffee pots and the pan you boiled an egg in don’t need to soak, you’re just being a lazy git and creating a disgusting cold grease bowl for me for later.

Ah yes, the Sad Teabag Wake is also observed by my DH.

Also the stacking of the dishes on top of the dishwasher, rather than inside it. But how is he to know that the dishwasher is empty?!

DH will insist that dishwashing is his job. Won't hear of me doing it. BUT. He is completely incapable of putting things away, so if the putting things away fairy hasn't been past the draining board since the last meal, things are just piled in an increasingly precarious fashion on top of each other, which also means that the previously dry dishes at the bottom are now again wet and probably will remain so due to a lack of circulating air and drainage...