If your DD has ADHD

[SlipperFeet]

How did you know and what happened once you discussed this with your GP? Did your DC have to see a psychiatrist?

DD is 6 -
Has never slept through the night
Very quick to have emotional outbursts, which are very hard to control
Struggles to concentrate and gets angry/frustrated when asked to focus (this was a particular struggle during home schooling)
Very forgetful
Very busy
Is very bright with reading (top of her class) but struggles with self esteem and thinks her school work isn't good enough. Has been in tears about this recently.
Very chatty
Struggles to follow instructions
Interrupts constantly and doesn't listen when others are speaking
Prefers playing with boys

Some of these things I think are just being a 6 year old though? I am concerned if I raise my thoughts with a GP, my DD will get a complex that there is something wrong with her and she will be anxious. On the other hand, if she does have ADHD then I would prefer to know so we can support her as best as possible. I did ask her teacher a few months ago and he said there was no concerns, but I do feel because she is bright that she could blend in at school more than a child who is struggling academically.

To be totally honest as well, reading about the condition and how it presents in women/girls has made me examine my own behaviour and wonder if I could have it too. It has taken me a long time to write this post because I struggle to focus so much! Although I am also worried that if I mention this to my GP they will think I'm being ridiculous, or a hypochondriac.

If anyone has been in this situation, any advice or help gratefully received.

Going to follow this as it is being suggested my 8 year old daughter may have ADHD. I have been speaking to a clinical psychologist over Zoom about the issues we face with her, and how to give her and us some coping mechanisms and tools to make life easier, and the first thing they said was that although it wasn’t possible to diagnose without meeting her, the descriptions strongly suggested ADHD. It is very early stages, and next week they will be ‘meeting’ via Zoom, so we will see what happens after that.

@Woodspritely did NHS refer you to the zoom psychologist or did you go private? Does she have similar issues to my DD, if you don't mind me asking?

My Dd has recently been diagnosed with ADHD. The process was that I discussed concerns with school (also a v bright girl, excellent reader but underperforming in class) and they referred to the local clinic, where she was diagnosed by community paediatrician.
I’m a psychologist, so we’ve already been using a lot of the strategies to help her, but I wanted to ensure that her difficulties were understood and documented from an educational perspective, which unfortunately required a diagnosis or Ed psych assessment (the latter proving more difficult to get unfortunately).
She sounds similar to your DD, although not the playing with boys bit. And she’s never been hyper, or even active, it’s just the attention diffs she exhibits.

I contacted someone privately, who was recommended by a friend.

I’ve just written a list of behaviours to help prompt me when I have the next meeting. It’s the picking at herself that has prompted me to take action, as I was hoping the other behaviours would improve or resolve with age, but she often has blood running down her face or legs from picking and it’s awful.

Swings on ceiling!
Won’t sit for a meal
Cutting - loves scissors, cuts clothes, curtains, etc.
Breaks everything.
Chews clothes, hair
Picking - self harm
Hard to go to bed/sleep, then sleeps late
Struggles with organisation; chaotic, messy. Food, crumbs, in bedroom and bed, hides food, prefers extreme mess and will mess up a tidy room deliberately.
Unclean, poo accidents and hiding the mess
Emotional outbursts, regulating emotions, one wrong words will send her to hide or into meltdown
Concentration, needs bringing back to a task repeatedly to achieve it
Resistance to being asked to do any tasks - will ignore/pretend not heard, or just refuse. Older siblings had chores such as emptying dishwasher at her age but it’s incredibly hard to get her to do anything she doesn’t want to.
School refusal
Lying
Forgetful
Baby talk, resistance to growing up
However - very loving, creative, imaginative, busy, interested, wonderful in so many ways! Has good friends and plays well with them, although worries about how much they like her.

I could have literally posted your op.
My ds6 is awaiting assessment. Pretty much all the behaviours you’ve described.
Ours came about when I was completing an assessment over the phone for my youngest son, 2 year check. Over the phone due to covid. And I unintentionally kept referring back to ds6 in terms of thinking 2 year old was copying behaviour which flagged things up with the health visitor. Referral was sent in October and my hv expects I should hear something soon.
So we’ve basically skipped the GP.

School don’t notice any concerns which I think will be difficult to get a diagnosis (if there is one) as criteria seems to infer that issues should be present in two setting (home, school). So we will see.
I’ll be watching this thread with interest.

Saying that, school notice when he feels uncomfortable and says he’s constantly walking to the front of the class..but the second he comes out of the gates he unleashes!

Thanks @SheriffCallie does having the diagnosis help at school? Has she been offered additional support? After DD's teacher said he has no concerns, I guess my next port of call will be my GP. Maybe I can raise with teacher again after half term. The coping strategies you mention, do you have any tips for calming the meltdowns? I am about to start reading 'The Explosive Child', hoping that will help me to help her cope.

@Woodspritely that sounds so tough, poor you and poor DD. The picking in particular must be very hard to cope with. I hope they can give you some answers at your next meeting.

Hi Op. As per my username, I've rejoined Mumsnet (too addictive for me normally, usually just try to keep it to lurking) just to post on your thread.

Your description of your daughter was me as a child. Almost to the letter.

I was very bright and did very well in school so the rest of my behaviour was just chalked down to personality. I was finally diagnosed with ADHD at 33 after a lifetime of wondering why I was so 'smart' but also so 'lazy', easily distracted, impulsive (led to some dangerous behaviour tbh), little ability to focus on lengthy tasks, and a myriad of other issues which meant while I could perform at work and at school, I was depressed, burnt out, and miserable really.

If you're wondering about your DD please don't be afraid to have it investigated so if she does have ADHD she can get the support she needs. I wish so so so much that someone had noticed mine earlier, but when I was a child the only children diagnosed with ADHD were mostly hyperactive boys (like my brother).

I have masters degree and am fairly senior at work - my ADHD hasn't held me back, but I so wish I known, so I had coping strategies instead of just thinking I was a terrible person.

@Hortuslover that is interesting you mention the HV, I have a younger DC and will be having his 12m check up next week. Perhaps I will tack my concerns about DD onto the end of the phone call. One of the things that has really highlighted DD's issues to us is how different her behaviour was as a baby compared to DS. So much of it we thought she would have grown out of by now.

OP Ive had two kids like that.

One had ADHD and the other didn't.

I kept making excuses for my child with ADHD because I kept saying he would grow out of it. It just got worse and worse.

Given your description, I would wait a little bit longer because 6 is little, to search for a diagnoses for anything.

Personally I'd go for about the age 8+ and also go privately if that's at all possible.

@Justheretopostaboutadhdingirls thank you so much for your post. I have to say I am very similar. I have spent my whole life wondering why I feel different. I have managed to hold down a job but have watched colleagues be promoted ahead of me over the years and been unable to organise myself to achieve any of my goals. It has only been since having DD and the issues that have come up that I have started to examine my own behaviour. I've always felt that I was a bit a loser and just told myself to get on with it, but now I feel like I've opened a can of worms and not sure what to do about it!

It’s definitely worth mentioning.
During the 2year check for my younger son, we arranged for hv to send me out a questionnaire similar to the 2year check one, a week later we went through it and he scored quite highly. I can’t quite remember The exact score but 140 sticks in my head. He flies off the handle at anything, life is like walking on eggshells. It can take up to an hour to calm him down. He screams randomly and so loudly its ear piercing. He hates going to bed, refuses to sleep in his own bed so tops and tails with his brother (ds5) and wakes up before everyone else and makes sure he wakes the whole house up in the process, can be as early as 4.30-5.00. He’s in my bed tonight while dh is on nights, to give his brother a better nights sleep.

Thanks @DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou that is one of my worries, 6 is little and some of the behaviours are just being a 6 year old! I do see her friends acting in similar ways as well. Her main issues are really the sleep and the emotional outbursts, so I will see if the HV can offer any help with that when I speak with them next week. The sleep in particular, DH and I have been joking for years that she will grow out of it but as time goes on it seems so unlikely now. She still wakes multiple times at night, takes ages to go to sleep, won't sleep on her own, wakes up crying etc. It's been a long 6 years

Cross-posted with you there @Hortuslover we have many the same sleep issues! It's crap isn't it.

Hi

My DD10 was diagnosed asd (confirmed) and most probably comorbid adhd (unconfirmed though highly probable) in Dec 2020.

Unfortunately due to local waiting lists we had to make the decision to go private as she would’ve been waiting 3 years for an assessment to begin (can take up to a year to complete).

You have described my DD to a T. She is loving, kind, funny and imaginative but conversely restrictive in thought and processes. She loves stories but won’t read, she says she can’t focus on reading the words and imagining the setting at the same time, so we use audiobooks. She interrupts others all the time and even when told to stop, seemingly can’t and has to complete the sentence regardless. Comes across as rude owing to her literal mind and lack of filter and doesn’t understand age appropriate social cues, meaning she has struggled in social situations since the end of KS1 and it will only get more complex as she enters her teens.
She was initially declined assessment by TAMHS in 2019, twice, despite verbalising a desire to end her life, she didn’t meet criteria as she hadn’t actually made an attempt.
Referral to community paeds is notoriously slow (they are currently seeing 2018 referrals) and she is sat in a pile!
We bypassed all this by going private and now have enough evidence to apply for an ehcp in the next few weeks, this will then be in place for secondary or at least that’s the hope.

As for how to help your DD, i honestly don’t know, we struggle daily and there’s no one size fits all, what works for us may not work for you and vice versa. I just continue to remind her she is an amazing human and that she is so loved, we talk through her thoughts so we can try to help her rationalise and process as she doesn’t appear to yet have the capacity to do so herself

In my area we needed the school to refer us to CAMHs. Our GPs don't do ADHD referrals anymore.

Our school weren't great to be honest and although they had my DD down as having SEN they always seemed hesitant when I expressed that I believed she had ADHD.

The school were happy though to make the CAMHs referal when we specifically asked for it although they said it would then be upto CAMHs as to whether they actioned the referral.

As it was CAMHs did action it and actually quite quickly. They marked my daughter as being in significant need. It was a relief that they could see what I could see, whereas the school clearly couldn't see past the masking (although I do know my daughter is a master at making and pretending she is managing fine because people leave her alone if they think she's ok).

There's quite a few stages and steps to go through once you get to see CAMHs which around here takes about a year. We finished jumping through all the hoops after about 15 months and got the official diagnosis.

The diagnosis has proved helpful especially as we got it in time for DD starting Secondary school. It enabled her new teachers to understand her issues straight away and put the correct support in place.

Oh and don’t be fobbed off by professionals who tell you she doesn’t display ‘typical’ signs. Girls present differently to boys but have to meet the same criteria. This is slowly becoming more widely known but can be an uphill struggle.
With you on the sleep too, takes an age to settle (audio books help a little) and frequently in my bed by the morning, fortunately I’m a heavy sleeper and she’s gotten used to creeping in so she doesn’t wake me!! I’m single and have a king size bed, so despite her sleeping like a star fish I still get some of the bed most nights

There are Facebook groups for U.K. women with ADHD which might be useful. You can learn a lot just lurking, but they are very receptive to questions.

My dd was diagnosed aged 8. There were massive problems at school to the extent she was regularly sent home as she was ‘uncontrollable.’ She couldn’t follow a single page of a book. She did sleep but would wake at 4.30-5pm.

I took her to the gp first aged 5 then she went to Camhs but not diagnosed till age 8.

Hard to say re your daughter, but it’s worth an assessment. They might say she is too young.

So crap @SlipperFeet I hope you and your dd gets the support that’s needed.
What also seems to be pretty standard in the lead up to being assessed is completing a positive parenting course. Unfortunately I couldn’t do this as it was for 1 day each week for 8 weeks and I just can’t commit to that due to work. Services aren’t very flexible but I suppose to be understood due to cuts etc.
It’s so painful seeing them so stressed. He’s otherwise a lovely little boy who can be very loving.

Youve basically just described my daughter of the same age. Ive put her outbursts down to myself and my mum having tempers and being quite emotional people. Her lack of focus as just being surrounded by distractions, you can catch her at the right moment, normally first thing after breakfast and she'll concentrate. Her lack of self belief coming from her being a first child and me putting too much pressure on her when she was little to be able to do things. Her friendships with boys because I was and am like that and she's quite an outdoorsy rough houser type. Her disrupted sleep because I love having snuggles from her anyway and don't mind her coming in every night and poss anxiety about covid year. I've never considered adhd.
I wouldn't want to label her op. Can you look at her diet and exercise? I know mine is noticeably worse after chocolate and a day without a walk and play outside.

@SlipperFeet

Thanks *@SheriffCallie* does having the diagnosis help at school? Has she been offered additional support? After DD's teacher said he has no concerns, I guess my next port of call will be my GP. Maybe I can raise with teacher again after half term. The coping strategies you mention, do you have any tips for calming the meltdowns? I am about to start reading 'The Explosive Child', hoping that will help me to help her cope.

@Woodspritely that sounds so tough, poor you and poor DD. The picking in particular must be very hard to cope with. I hope they can give you some answers at your next meeting.

Thank you, it’s the very beginning of the process for us. I wasn’t looking for a diagnosis, but it may be that having the diagnosis will help her at school. The clinical psychologist can refer her to CAMHS for assessment, she says, but they will want to see as much evidence as possible preferably from school as well as home.

Really, I’d love some instructions and guidelines about how to cope with her and what to do, as despite having two older children who I feel I’ve been pretty successful at raising so far, I’m really floundering here!

Just want to add, with emotional outbursts she gets sent to her room to calm herself down and told to come back when she has. We also used the glitter jar thing - glass jar with glitter and water, shake when in terrible mood, as the particles settle, so does the mood.

You also sound quite like me op. Ive never stuck at one thing, like to devour something then move on, moved house a lot as an adult, lots of quite impulsive, reckless behaviour. Not able to settle or commit though have had it now for children. I've just always thought I had a more adventurous life than most people. Now you've got me wanting to look up adult adhd in women.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.additudemag.com/adhd-symptoms-in-women/amp/

My DD is almost 11. Her school noticed that she could not sit still or concentrate at 6. She was picking her skin, didn’t sleep well and had frequent emotional outbursts. We were exhausted as she was up several times a night and during the day her exhaustion made her behaviours worse. I went to sleep consultants and tried different things thinking we were doing something wrong. At 7 she was diagnosed with ADHD by CAMHS. She has now had CBT (privately) to help understand and regulate her behaviour. She is also on medication which reduced the skin picking and helped w the sleep. It’s been a long journey but she is fantastic now. The diagnosis led to understanding and has helped her to realise why she feels the way she does. I wish you luck. It’s hard at 6 and 7 but sounds like you are taking all the right steps.