If you met your DH/DP and had children 'late', was it all worth it?

[SummerBoardWalk]

I am very likely going to be the last of my friends to meet anyone or have a baby, and I feel so sad about that. Sometimes I try to give up hope and think I'm better off accepting singledom, but I want a relationship and family so badly.

What do you consider late? It’s a bit subjective without context. I’m past my fertile years now but did marry and have dc amongst my friends there have been various degrees of success with men and dc and happiness and unhappiness. I wouldn’t compare yourself to your peer group though as that way lies madness.

I'm nearly 32, and my closest friends are all now coupled up, as are the vast majority of my acquaintances. Realistically if I get married I'll be around 35.

*at the earliest

Ah that’s young! Honestly. I’m 41! No one in my NCT group was younger than 38!

I’ve got dozens of friends who married at that age or later. I’ve also got many who married younger and are still happy but also several who are divorced. I don’t think your age really comes into it.

I met DH when I was 35, got married at 38 and had DS at 39. I know several people my age who have had children at a similar age and a few who got divorced in their 40's and 50's (and older if you include my Nan!) and went on to meet new partners.

It's so hard watching everyone else get to experience it all. At best I feel like I'm watching through a window, at worst I feel like the defective single one.

Got to my mid 30s and felt the same as you. Met my husband and decided on the second date I’d probably marry him. Told him I wanted marriage and babies on that second date, he agreed he was after that too.

4 years down the line and we have kids, ring, house etc etc. Has happened that way for loads of people I know. Don’t lose heart OP, there are good men available well in to their 30s

Nooo seriously I gave up hope then met DH when I was 2 months off turning 39!

And I used to hate people saying that but it’s true. My life is magical now.

a thread all about how you can still meet people and have babies after you turn 30

I know it's really easy for those of who have been there and done that to say 'don't worry' but really don't worry. I'm now the wrong side of 35 and many of my fellow 35+ year old friends are expecting their 2nd/3rd children and no one bats an eyelid that they are over 35 or suggests to them that it is 'late' to be having a baby.

Oh I had a serious relationship break up at 35 and found myself single and childless.

Then I met my DP a few months later, 4 heads down the line we have 2 children, a lovely home, very happy, will get married after covid.

I totally understand how you are feeling and how hard it is to feel like everyone else in the world is pushing forward and you are stood still. But things don’t move at the same pace for everyone. Some of us are late bloomers.

Focus on building and enjoying your life in the meantime, find gratitude in what you already have. Sometimes we can be blocking our own path and getting in our own way with our negative mindset. I know it’s really hard but try to find joy in this time of your life, it’s fine to want something more / different but it doesn’t mean you can’t find happiness in the journey.

@SummerBoardWalk

I'm nearly 32, and my closest friends are all now coupled up, as are the vast majority of my acquaintances. Realistically if I get married I'll be around 35.

I was similar to you After 30 is particularly hard i think. There is a lot of e ternL and societal pressure/ judgement.

I hit online dating hard and met my husband when I was older than you and after almost 3 years on tinder.

He is amazing and lile toomanymuslins my life is magical.

I was straight up from the get go and we doscussed intent and marriage amd kods on date 3
We moved in after 9 months we bought a house at 2 years, were engaged at 2.5 and married at 3
We are pushing 4 years together now and are thinking about trying for a baby.

It happens!

my life is magical

That is so lovely to hear. I'm so glad for you both

I am trying so hard to see the positives and be grateful, but sometimes it's so hard.

I was a bit younger (30) but DH was 36 when we met. Love at first sight, moved in together after two weeks, talked about marriage and babies basically immediately, and within 2 years we were married and pregnant. He died suddenly last year but I had 8 perfect years with him and we had a beautiful daughter together. Life can change incredibly fast, in good and bad ways.

32 is really nothing these days! Most of my friends were 37 when they had first babies. Nothing wrong with having them later - good for getting your career under your belt and figuring out who you are

I waited until over 35 in purpose as I just wasn't ready as have a few friends. I also know 2 people who at 40ish decided to go it alone to make sure they had children, and met partners a few years afterwards. so if children are super important to you -you don't have to wait!

I'm so sorry for your loss peach

I met dh when I was 32, had ds 2 years later and married year after that.

No regrets at all as dh is by far the best partner I’ve ever had. I still get butterflies 20 years later!

I had my baby at 37 and all my baby group friends are a similar age. Three of us in the group who had our firsts at 36/47 have onlies but one had a second and one went on to have twins.

36/37 not 47 - that would be more unusual!!!

I split with my ex after a 14 year relationship at 33 and felt like that was it and I wouldn’t get to be a mum. Met DP less than a year later, had DD at 36 and she’s now 6 and we’re stronger than ever.
I know it’s easy to say but you’ve got plenty of time yet.

I was 37 when I had my only DD. I think she's kept me young. Although I struggle to date now as most men have children who have left home!

Met dp at 35. Had dd at 38. Married him at 41. Together 10 years almost and still going strong 💕

I met DH shortly after my 30th birthday, having been convinced I would never find anyone. I was living alone in London, lacking direction and unsure what I wanted from my life. Had DS1at 32, married at 34 and had DS2 at 35. Ten years later we’re happily settled in a completely different part of the country. My career and mental health are also in a better place. Life can really take you anywhere.