If you met your DH/DP and had children 'late', was it all worth it?

[SummerBoardWalk]

I am very likely going to be the last of my friends to meet anyone or have a baby, and I feel so sad about that. Sometimes I try to give up hope and think I'm better off accepting singledom, but I want a relationship and family so badly.

My husband and I got married at 24 and 26 but didn't have our son until we were 39 and 41. I actually felt more relaxed as an older mum. Not sure I would have felt the same had I had him earlier. I am the eldest of my friends and the last to have kids but it hasn't affected the way I feel around him at all. Apart from my hair being much greyer than usual 😆 he's 7 now. I have days where I worry that I won't see grandchildren etc but those are few and far between. I live in the now and I adore our relationship.

@SummerBoardWalk Are you me?? I feel exactly the same. Most of my friends are expecting their second children and I’m still single.

It’s so crap. I am so happy for my friends but watching them all do it so easily really isn’t easy.

I was the last of my friends to have a baby and it’s actually been really lovely. I’ve had a better support network because they’d all done it before me and could give me useful advice, plus my friends and their kids all made a huge fuss of my DD because she’s the baby of our kids.

Oh that’s such a nice way to look at it!

I totally get how you feel though because it was horrible during the years when they had little ones and I didn’t know if it would ever happen for me. I hope it works out for you in the end.

Well, when I was 32 I had good career, bank balance, lived in lovely rented house with fiancee and had big social circle.
By 34 my fiancee left me, I was made redundant and I had to move, and I thought everything was pretty dark.
By 36 I had met and married DH and by 37 had DS. A decade on and I can honestly say I've been happier this past 10 years than ever before.
Everything in life can change.

I felt like you when I turned 30 and most of my friends were married with kids who were already at school.

I had been single for 5 years by that point and was worried that it'd never happen for me, but...

I met DH just before I turned 31, married at 33 and had DS last year at 35. He'll be 1 this summer and we're gearing ourselves up to try for DC2.

My life changed more in the years between 30-35 than it has at any other point so far. Your 30s are so transformative. 6 years ago I'd never have envisaged myself being in the position I am now.

AS PP have said, things tend to move faster when you start a relationship in your 30s. People tend to have the serious conversations around married and kids a lot earlier on and things could happen quicker than you think when you do meet someone.

What's late. I married mid 30s, had my kids late 30s and mid 40s. My fellow mum friends from school in the main roughly the same age.

Met DH at 44, got married 9 months later, now pregnant at 46, will give birth at 47. Couldn’t be happier

First marriage / baby for both of us

I divorced my EXH at 31 (no kids), met DP at 32 and I'm now 34 and we are expecting our first child. I didn't expect to meet DP when I did but so glad I did.

I would say don't lose yourself in searching for someone else, focus on yourself but at the same time, keep putting yourself out there because you never know when it will happen.

I met my future husband on match.com when I was 32. Married 14 months later and baby 10 months after that. 2 years and 2 weeks between first date and first baby. Then another baby 21 months later.
It just seemed to click like it never had with previous relationships.
I think late 30's seems to be quiet normal to have children now. Also, despite wishing I'd met my husband sooner, and him me, we would have been different people and may not have clicked in the same way and I might have dismissed my soul mate.

Hi OP, many of us have been where you are. Google Nell Frizzell "The Panic Years" - she describes this period of life really well, from a place of hope and love. Take care of yourself

At 32 I was still in a ramshackle houseshare and with the bad boyfriend before the really bad boyfriend before the good one. Didn’t meet DP til I was 35, gave birth when I was nearly 38. Only regrets are we had less time together before kids than if we’d met younger. But I’d rather have him than anyone I’d met younger, and it is what it is.

I met DH when I was a few weeks off 35, married a year later, baby conceived at 40 born at 41.
We had no trouble conceiving, we just deliberately had a gap as we’d married fast (you can undo a marriage!).
Yes it was worth it but I’d have been happy single too.

I know it won't make you feel any better OP, but I am 40 and most of the people I know who got married and had kids in their 20s are separated now. Life is not a race.

I know it looks easy from where you are but you probably don’t know what’s going on in your friends lives behind closed doors. Lots of people don’t tell you about miscarriages, affairs etc especially on social media. I had a 10 year relationship breakdown just before I turned 30. Honestly thought we were together for life and marriage and kids seemed so far off my radar when I spent the next year recovering and making a tit of myself on dating apps. Met my now hubby almost 3 years ago and we’re due in 2 weeks. He was also single for huge stretches and didn’t think he’d meet anyone to settle down with and have kids. Similar to my close friends who were single for the last 10 years and both met there forever person at 36/37 so it does happen x

I would also like to add that I actually think meeting someone in your 30s is a really positive thing. You know yourself far better by your 30s and what you want out of life than in your 20s. My EXH was a great guy, attractive, and we got on great and had lots of fun together most of the time. We didn't know enough about ourselves then but as we grew as people and found ourselves more our differences became more and more apparent. It was the kind of relationship that could have coasted on for the rest of our lives and we would have been 'alright', if we had been able to have kids together we probably would have done (I think I know many people who met young in these kinds of relationships). But we wanted totally different things out of life and had completely different approaches to life and were just very different people which meant neither of us were actually getting what we wanted or needed out of life so eventually we made the decision to separate, knowing we could both be much happier.
When I met DP I knew exactly what I wanted out of life and a relationship and so when we met and he wanted exactly those things too, everything just clicked together and I feel so much happier because of it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that when you're younger, you don't always know what you want in life, I see it as a positive to meet someone when you know yourself and what you want from life better and can find someone who also wants those things. Don't see your age as a hindrance to finding the right person but an advantage.

OP i had exactly the same thoughts at your age. i too was the last in our social circle to meet someone. I can't imagine how hard it is trying to even date / meet someone at the moment.
i met DP when i was 34, had our 1st DC at 36, 2nd at 39. Everyone else has children at secondary school now!! but it's actually quite good as they are more than happy to come on walks with me and my 2 while they leave their teenagers at home!