Are you an introvert?

[MirandaWestsNewBFF]

I’ve been pondering introversion and extroversion, because I’m a bit geeky like that.

I’d see myself as an introvert, and I wondered if forums like Mumsnet tend to attract more introverts than extroverts.

Told you it was geeky!

So, what do you think? Are you an introvert? Do you think there are more introverts than extroverts round here? Or do you think I’ve got it wrong?

Introvert.
I've really liked the slower pace with lockdown.
My children went to the hub as I'm a frontline keyworker and I loved it.
Hardly anyone there.
My children have missed things tho so I'm looking forward to them having back the things they have missed.

@Meruem

I would say I’m an introvert because I am happy to spend lots of time at home alone, pottering around, doing my hobbies etc. If I’m with people I have a real connection with then I am chatty and outgoing, but I don’t often meet people who inspire that in me. Of course you could argue that if I mixed more I might meet those people! But I have found most people I meet just really want to talk about themselves. I seem to attract people with “problems” who then want to offload on me all the time and I’m not interested in being someone’s emotional support. Not without a solid friendship in place first. I’ve met people through work but then every night out they just want to talk about work! Or people for whom I just seem to be the “audience” and they’re not really interested in a 2 way conversation.

I’ve found with some extroverts I know, they have more a fear of being alone, or being “stuck” at home so will do anything and everything to avoid that. Whereas I will only spend time with someone or go and do something if I know I will genuinely enjoy it.

Are you me?!

All that, but especially people with problems, which I find draining 🙄

Exactly that. If it’s a long-standing friendship and they’re going through a bad patch, of course I will offer support. But I’m not here to solely be an unpaid therapist for someone. As you say, it’s draining and there’s no “reward”, all it does is bring you down.

I would wager that if a lot of introverts actually thought about who’s in their lives that makes them feel drained and tired, it would be people who are draining and/or tiring in general. I personally think it’s a rare find to meet someone who lifts your spirits and makes you feel happy when you see them.

I’d definitely say there’s more introverts on here. I am part of a Facebook antenatal group (babies are all now 4) that met on mumsnet. There are 75 of us on the group and we were recently discussing this topic and it turns out about 90% of us identified as introverts. I guess the online aspect attracts us although a lot of us do meet up in real life too.

I must be an outgoing introvert. I get overwhelmed by People and Plans but like chatting on whatsapp and occasional meet ups with good friends. I like being at home. Currently sat in bed, my favourite place

Mumsnet is way way more introverted than real life, and there have been some extremely unpleasant threads about it too

Sadly, you are right. Especially when you get remarks like this - Yep, fucking hate people generally and the shite that comes along with them
I suspect that people with such a negative outlook attract other negative people.

I personally think it’s a rare find to meet someone who lifts your spirits and makes you feel happy when you see them

How sad. I think you just know the wrong people.

I'm an introvert going by the definition that "introversion = wanting to be alone to 'recharge'" (vs. "extraversion = recharging one's energy by being around others").

The longer I'm alone, the more I feel raw around others and avoid contact with anyone other that my inner circle; but in reality I'm very outgoing when I'm out and about/on the phone, etc. But I need that alone time the way I need a good night's sleep.

*than

@mum23kidz

Yes, I'm an introvert. I do enjoy meeting a small group of select people, but need a lot of time alone to recharge. I also don't like small talk at all.

Same here. Need lots of time to recharge.

@Doona

I don't believe in the introversion extroversion dichotomy. In some cultures people spend a lot of time together but without the social need to chat all the time. In those cultures, the energy of being together is completely different. Who talks the most also has to do with status. I can get energy from some social interactions and be enervated by others. I believe everyone has that variability in response, but may not realize it because of cultural restrictions on the types of interactions they're exposed to.

Yes I agree, I’ve researched this too. We have family from a different culture and they do not feel the need to make small talk. It’s so refreshing.

You'll have selection bias on your thread OP. I would imagine mainly introverts will be clicking on it to share experiences. I am an introvert, while lockdown has been fine with less social requirements, I find the non-stop Zoom calls exhausting. I cancelled all of mine for today just because. Also interesting re other cultures, I am not British and find I need to be more 'on' in the UK.

To those who don’t believe in introvert/extrovert dichotomy- when you’re mentally drained or feeling generally tired or low how do you recharge? With others or with time alone? It’s got nothing to do with shyness or sociability, or even cultural expectations, but about whether other people drain or energise you.

I do a demanding job that requires me to talk to strangers all day and quickly build a rapport with them. I am good at this, but on my days off I cannot also arrange to see friends or meet people as I’ve used up all my social energy. I need lots of time alone and my mental health takes a real beating if I don’t get it.

I’m an introvert as well. I like people, but feel so drained physically and mentally if I spend too much time with a lot of people. I can’t help but think that following lockdown, extroverts now have some idea of what it’s like to be us. The modern world is firmly geared towards extroverts with little consideration for us (or was before the pandemic anyway).

Introvert here. But in the professional world I have learnt the ropes of social "performance" so to speak, so although I'm not at ease talking to lots of people at once, or interacting with lots of people all the time all day I can make it look like I am. My parents are classic extroverts. So is my DS1. DS1 springs into life when other people are around, it energises him. DS2 is like me - we voluntarily take ourselves off to a quieter room after about 10/15 mins of frenetic social exchange to gather some thoughts and peace.

My dad and DS1 are so similar in this regard. They NEVER stop talking/interacting with others. As soon as other people are around them it's like fuel to a fire. It drives me up the wall, as much as I love them I just can't help thinking "oh shut up! Just chill out!" which is a bit mean but I guess it's just the interplay of different types at work.

I’m an introvert and as I’m getting older I’m finding that I want to avoid the situations that can potentially wear me out. My husband has trouble understanding this, he’ll accept an invitation even if he doesn’t want to attend simply because he doesn’t want to appear rude. I’d rather send my apologies instead of going and then waiting for enough time to pass so that I can escape and sit quietly to recharge.

We live on a very sociable small street and a street bbq is being planned by our neighbours for once we’re out of lockdown this Summer (there are usually a couple every Summer anyway) and I’m already dreading it. There’s no escaping attending, my husband will want to so if I don’t go outside I’ll be the weird neighbour who doesn’t socialise, same if I go indoors to recharge after a while of being around our very loud and extroverted neighbours.

It’s got nothing to do with shyness or sociability, or even cultural expectations, but about whether other people drain or energise you.

Yeah but why do they drain or energise you? Imagine if you were the sort of person who could just blurt out whatever you felt like, or just stare into space, and whatever you said, people were delighted and appreciative and you felt continually validated?

Rather than, say, having to continually pay people close attention, listen carefully to their stream of words and respond in an upbeat active way. For hours. Yes, that's exhausting. That kind of attentive focus that many of us maintain for social situations, but others don't. Of course it depends on status. I used to work for the ceo of a large company and he would be polite/chatty/rude as the mood took him. He'd leave the room if the conversation took a boring turn. None of the rest of us could behave like that. He kept talking about the positive, energising atmosphere at work. Of course it was, to him!

Often when the conversation flows easily, someone is putting in a lot of attentional/emotional labour. Maybe your extroverts tend to be more on the receiving end of that?

@troppibambini6

I'm also an outgoing introvert too. I appear chatty and confident and I do enjoy socialising but I desperately need my own time. Dh doesn't get it at all. I feel like I need to shut down and literally have no words left for anyone.

This is definitely me. I was furloughed for 9 weeks and it was pure bliss for me. I didn’t see a soul not even my partner 🙈

But in my friendship circles I’ll be considered the outgoing one. I socialise a lot as part of my job and that’s fine but I need recharge time a lot! It is essential to my mental health. I can think of nothing better for the long Easter weekend than spending it alone!

I’m an introvert and quite happy to be. I’ve never been comfortable with attention and prefer to be left alone. I’ve learned how to be sociable when called for but my god how the inanity of it bores me.
Overall I wish people would talk less and think more.

I'm an introvert. The one thing I've noticed about introverts and extroverts is that while introverts tend to accept that other people can be extroverts (although they do find their company ultimately exhausting!), some extroverts feel that there's something 'wrong' with people who are more introverted.

I’m a huge introvert. It’s a source of huge disappointment to my mother, who is as extroverted as a person can be and would throw a huge party just because the sun’s out. In fact, I left her 50th birthday party and was at home in my pyjamas before she even noticed I’d gone

I hate attention and need time to recharge after any sort of socialising. Thankfully DH is the same and we even eloped to avoid being the centre of attention. My brother is getting married in November and I’m already dreading it

I hate weddings and the only way I’d get married is to elope in secret too!

My mum always used to accuse me of not talking! She loved intense conversations, and they would just drain me.

Even though every conversation needs a talker and a listener, and I’m a good listener.

I'm an introvert too. I'm not shy but I need a lot of down time. I like socialising but I have to be in the mood and I need to recharge sometimes afterwards.
I'm very picky who I hang around with and cba with quite a lot of people as I've got older.

I’m an introvert. I love feeling invisible in public. As much as I enjoyed my wedding I won’t ever get married again as being centre of attention was hell even though I’d opted for the fewest guests I could get away with and the shortest ceremony the registrar would allow.

I was cornered at university yesterday after the first skills session by another student who insisted that she knew I knew the answers to the questions the lecturers had asked. Of course I knew, I’ve done the work, but I’m never going to be the one to dominate a group session.

I can be extrovert as a professional though (and drunk me is positively a social butterfly). I have a public mask but I’m glad to get home, shut the door on people-ing, ignore dh and recharge.

@sociallydistained

I hate weddings and the only way I’d get married is to elope in secret too!

That’s what I did, we were on holiday in New York so got married while we were there.

I don’t like weddings either. The last one we were at was an all day event, we had to be at the venue at 10am and by 8pm I was totally worn down by it all and had to take myself off somewhere quiet to recharge and get some peace. We had to leave early anyway as we had a 3 hour drive home (weekday wedding and work the next day) but I remember we had a row all the way home because he just didn’t get why I needed to do that. I think that unless you’re an introvert you’re not going to understand.