Cannot parent tonight.

[GalaxyTruffles]

I love my kids to the ends of the Earth. I really do. They are 6 and 4. For background/context I work full time but compressed hours so that I can have a Wednesday off with the 4 year old. I’m a lawyer and my job has been fucking horrific since last March (let’s not even start with the working/home schooling - thank god that’s behind us...) my anxiety and stress are through the roof and have been since the first lockdown.

But I can’t do it tonight. I can’t. I worked till 1am this morning and was up with 4 year old at 6. Sat in the garden all afternoon so her pal could come and play (they bickered a lot) and I am chilled to the bone. Then mad dash to pick up the older one from school who moaned all the way home because she wanted to go to the park and I said no. My work email has been pinging all day and it just makes me more stressed as I know I’m going to need to log in tonight and deal with more horrible shite.

The kids are whining and complaining because they are tired and fed up. They are always moaning about something, it seems. I can’t sit on my arse for 30 seconds before they are moaning at me for something else. It has taken me about 45 mins to write this post...

I am so tired. My husband is out at work. He’ll be back at half six and will jump in then but I have tea, spelling words and showers (will be a fight with the six year old at every step) before we even reach the usual bedtime battle and I just can’t.

I don’t really know why I’m posting this to be honest. They are good girls. They’re my whole world. But I could just cry tonight.

You sound utterly exhausted. Can you do something super easy for tea, grab something from the freezer. And give spellings and showers a miss for one night? Put the telly on after tea and then got DH to do bedtime while you check emails. Hopefully most of them can wait till tomorrow. Good luck and hope you can get a decent night's sleep.

Yes, drop the spellings. Let them have a quick wash. Opt out for the evening . Think about using half of your Wednesday as time for you and use childcare for half the day.

No spellings. Quick flick with a flannel. And a quick tea. Chip shop or something?

Oh I couldn’t do that to her. She absolutely loves her “mummy days”. Sadly spelling is a must because she has a “test” on a Thursday afternoon (it clearly doesn’t mean anything but 6 gets very wound up by it - not that it stops her arguing about having to actually put the work in...) but maybe hair washing can happen tomorrow instead.

Oh dear that does sound super stressful . I would order a takeaway tonight and have your dh put the dc to bed . Are they usually moany?

Yeah I find from 4pm onwards they can be moany and whilst they are generally the best of friends they bicker and fight with each other a lot from 4pm until teatime (then are best friends again, start a new game and don’t want to go for a shower/do spelling/go to bed)

Can you order pizza, put a film on (once PJ's are on) and do spelling if 6 year old wants to? Anything goes just now.

Long term you need to get better work/life balance or a lot more support. (Another lawyer here who has been where you are)

Yeah. I’m looking for other jobs. I’m a crap parent because of my job.

The bickering sounds stressful can they be separated until after tea ? Dealing with arguing and complicated work stuff is a lot of stress

You are not a crap parent and I’m sure she loves her mummy days but if mummy is knackered and stressed on those days then where is the benefit?
Set the bar lower and stop trying to meet unrealistic expectations.

Also a lawyer here who has a day off (part time hours) but still constantly being called/emailed on day off and it's more stressful to turn the phone off than to keep on top of it. Also hate bedtimes. 3 kids aged 9, 6 and 2 with completely different needs. No advice, just a lot of solidarity. This year has been an absolute headfuck.

it's more stressful to turn the phone off than to keep on top of it

This is so true. Thank you for the solidarity.

You are trying to do the impossible, work and card for children. Could you get some help with one or the other ?

I think it’s the constant having to battle with them to get anything done. They don’t listen to a word I say unless they feel like it. I now have the six year old tantrumming because she doesn’t want to do the spelling.

Put the telly on and have a “kids picnic” in the living room for tea. Sandwiches and whatever shite you can find in the kitchen that doesn’t need cooking. Cherry tomatoes and crisps. Paper plates if you have it. Then just slob for a bit. They’ll love it and you can lie on the sofa the whole time.

You’ve had some great advice.

My tuppence worth is that you switch off or mute laptop and phones on a Wednesday - don’t let the pinging sound of work emails in to your day off.

Forget spelling. It truly doesn't matter.

I have a 6 and 2 year old. Also working in a stressful job from home. Yes it's awful. I've dropped baths to once every other day. Reading book for six year old hasn't been opened in three months although we're reading Harry Potter at night which I enjoy too. They've had sausage and chips for tea and we are watching minions. I am a slack parent and I don't care, I just need to get through until I can see my friends and my parents again. Stick with it, some days are worse than others.

I also get the dread of being unavailable for an hour because I don't know what I'll come back to. This wfh means everyone thinks you should be available all the time whereas in the office they won't ask you questions if you're not bloody there.

I think you can skip spelling.

Yes she has a test. Yes she will do badly. It’s once and she’s 6 and she’ll learn next time not to make such a fuss over learning it.

Whilst much of it sounds very tough, you are making your own life harder than it needs to be.

I'm there with you on this, 3 kids, 7,4 and 4. Full time job with compressed hours which I really hate at the moment because of the level of stress and being put upon. Kids sound like yours, constant battle to get them to do anything at all, even during activities they've asked me to do, or simple things like getting dressed ffs. Constant crying, moaning never happy it seems. It's getting me down so I understand, solidarity on that "I can't even." feeling. They will grow out of it eventually, I've gone back to the newborn mantra of this too shall pass......eventually. The only advice I would give is to try to have solid personally set boundaries on that work email. The constant pinging is just undermining the day off from it. Can you give yourself a hard limit, like turn it off but maybe give yourself a couple of hour-long windows during the day to check and sort the most urgent?
Let yourself off the hook with everything else though tonight, it's one day

For you xx

We do spellings in the morning before the test when everyone is fresh. Can you do that?

I totally understand this feeling and I'm only working out of the house a day a week but have 3 kids, 2 of them preschoolers. I put my head on the kitchen island earlier and fell asleep! I'm out of energy, have nothing to give anymore and always grumpy and feel like a terrible parent. Issues with my 7 year olds attitude and sleep and I have no energy to change things. I can only hope this gets better when life is more normal because if it doesn't I don't know what I'm going to do. Just wanted to say you're not alone. X

🥂🍾🍾🍕🥗

Sometimes you just have to take the easy or fun way out. Bath paint to do spelling. Sandwiches in the Bath

& definitely occasionally ditch the hair washing.

Milk & cookies in bed (if it gets them
In it!!)

Leave the bath till DH gets home?
Early night for everyone.

A bottle of wine chilling in the fridge is a lovely incentive to get it all done & girls in bed!!