Cannot parent tonight.

[GalaxyTruffles]

I love my kids to the ends of the Earth. I really do. They are 6 and 4. For background/context I work full time but compressed hours so that I can have a Wednesday off with the 4 year old. I’m a lawyer and my job has been fucking horrific since last March (let’s not even start with the working/home schooling - thank god that’s behind us...) my anxiety and stress are through the roof and have been since the first lockdown.

But I can’t do it tonight. I can’t. I worked till 1am this morning and was up with 4 year old at 6. Sat in the garden all afternoon so her pal could come and play (they bickered a lot) and I am chilled to the bone. Then mad dash to pick up the older one from school who moaned all the way home because she wanted to go to the park and I said no. My work email has been pinging all day and it just makes me more stressed as I know I’m going to need to log in tonight and deal with more horrible shite.

The kids are whining and complaining because they are tired and fed up. They are always moaning about something, it seems. I can’t sit on my arse for 30 seconds before they are moaning at me for something else. It has taken me about 45 mins to write this post...

I am so tired. My husband is out at work. He’ll be back at half six and will jump in then but I have tea, spelling words and showers (will be a fight with the six year old at every step) before we even reach the usual bedtime battle and I just can’t.

I don’t really know why I’m posting this to be honest. They are good girls. They’re my whole world. But I could just cry tonight.

Thank you everyone. We had a (very) quick run through the spelling words (bribed her with a cupcake) and they’ve started a game with their shopkins so I’m leaving them to it for a little while.

Put the TV on and order a takeaway, no bath tonight just have a chilled evening.

I never ever do spellings when dd has been at school all day....do them over breakfast when she has just got up.
You poor thing op life sounds v tough xxx

If the bicker from 4pm I would either give them both a snack at that time as they might be getting tired and hungry and/or I would make tea earlier.

Do you have a routine at all? It might be really helpful to keep you sane. If they play nicely till 4 then leave them to it for that time, then it's snack time and perhaps you could read them a picture book while they have snack (used to do this when mine was little). Then let them watch tv for half an hour, then tea time, then have a little game of something with them or do any work that needs doing and then dad will be home (hopefully!). I found having a routine meant we all knew what was happening when, they will know when they're having time with you, when work is going to be done, when they can watch tv etc. They may take a week or two to get used to it but they will get the hang of it x

It sounds like a au pair or similar would help ease the stress.

It’s been very hard. I mean we are so lucky in the grand scheme of things. We know this. We haven’t lost anyone. We both have jobs unaffected by the virus (apart from having to work from home with a hugely elevated workload). We are so lucky. But it has been awful. My mental health is in the gutter.

This makes me sad reading this. The pressure on working mums is ridiculous 😩I’m also a lawyer due back at work from maternity leave soon and I’m hoping to do 4 days too and feel like this will be me. People have warned me off it but I feel that 4 days (trying to compress almost 5 day’s into those days) is the only compromise to stay ahead in my career whilst also maintaining a ‘mummy’ day once a week

This year has been horrendous really. Solidarity from me and another vote to skip the shower. My (almost) 4 and 6 are lucky to get a bath twice a week at the moment. Hair washing only once a week. Technically tonight should be their midweek bath but I’m exhausted, they’re exhausted, sod it!

I can remember those days OP.

We are all human, and sometimes it just gets too much . Be kind to yourself, tomorrow is a new day.

You need to get some help if you're trying to juggle working at home with looking after kids. Do you have a nanny/au pair during non-lockdown time? I don't know your finances, obviously.

Do whatever you need to do to survive

The children will see it as a treat!

Change the routine sometimes for your sanity

It has been horrific for working parents with kids of any age (mine are teens) so you have my solidarity,
Why don't men carry this mental load?

If the bicker from 4pm I would either give them both a snack at that time as they might be getting tired and hungry and/or I would make tea earlier.

I was literally going to say this. My two are absolutely starving when they come out of school, and it's because my reception aged child eats lunch at 11.30! Before I collect them I do a table of snacky bits (nothing fancy - slices of cucumber, mini cheddars, small sausages, apple slices etc - mix it up) and they can come in and help themselves. It keeps the wolves from the door until dinner time, and then we can eat together.

I also agree with snack. DS4, reception age, has lunch at 12ish I think but is starving by the time he gets home!

I also work 4 days a week. I always put an out of office message on so that people know I won't reply until I'm back at my desk. It's really stressful.

Order a pizza and all sit on the floor and eat it together in front of the TV. It's fine to sack off things now and then when you need to.

Fair enough about spelling, but quick wash with a flannel is acceptable in these type of circumstances (have four DC, know how stressful it gets after school). Don't beat yourself up. You sound like you are trying your best each day for your family 💐

Solidarity! Lawyer mum here too nominally working 4 days a week but I’ve been working most of my 5th ‘days off’ since this time last year. I am exhausted and supposed to be super chipper for our every day zoom team catch up call. Been so very close to some choice language on those calls many, many times for the last year. But I need the job to pay the mortgage so I just keep looking chipper......

Similar aged children.
Things that have worked are finding a routine that suits your family and keeping to it, children thrive on routine.
Snack as soon as they come in, Tv/play, early tea. Spellings/reading before they can have a biscuits/ice-cream etc.
Whilst they’re having their treat, put washing on, stack plates ready for washing up. After that is time for a walk or a play. If they’re arguing I try and separate or just play with both to limit falling out.
My children wake up early so sometimes a bath in the morning works better than one at night.

I have given up pretending to be chipper. Have pretty secure public sector job now so don't need to. But am fed up that over the last year I've been getting public sector salary with private sector levels of work pressure while also been home schooling for a lot of that time.

you need a few short cut days - so easy chuck it in the oven teas (baked potatos good for this as is chicken or beef casserole type things with rice which is easier than potato options

As others said short cuts like lick and a promise wash and cursory spellings etc

Thanks everyone. Some really great advice here. And feeling less guilty for the sheer amount of shortcuts that I take to be honest. It’s just so overwhelming. The house is a riot but I have dropped my standards through the week and now just race to catch up at the weekends. Going to look into a cleaner in the summer.

It sounds like work is the problem not your children.