Has anybody had a positive birthing experience after a traumatic one?

[HealingMum]

A couple of years ago I had a horrific birth experience. A botched induction via pessary introduced a nasty infection which lead to a heavy hemmorage and me developing sepsis. I needed blood transfusions and spent two weeks in HDU. I also needed alot of perennial stitches and have a mild/moderate (but luckily asymptomatic) prolapse as a result of it. I had PTSD to boot.

I'm now pregnant again and crapping myself about something going wrong again, but I want to continue with the pregnancy and hope for the best.

Has anybody else had a traumatic birth and then gone on to have a positive one with subsequent children?

Healingmum I know your focus is rightly on your mental health and preparing for future births but I would really urge you to also get as much help and support with your prolapse as possible. In my experience the NHS is shockingly bad at this but so much future suffering can be avoided or reduced if you have good pelvic floor care. I didn’t, and had to have surgery a couple of years ago which was really no picnic. Sadly you are at risk of the same.

www.pelvicfloorfirst.org.au/ Is a helpful website.

I had a fairly traumatic first birth, although nowhere near some of the experiences on here. I had an induction and baby wasn’t in right position so dr has his hand up there trying to turn him by his head! Had episiotomy and forceps and suffered with infections down below and strong pain for 4 months. I was very scared going into my second pregnancy, but the labour was a dream.
Contractions started after a sweep and my little girl was born 2.5 hours later in the pool. No episiotomy, some tearing but pain free after a few days and easily manageable with paracetamol. The experiences were night and day.
My third was a planned c section due to low birth weight and transverse lay. It was scary but felt a very controlled experience. I healed really well afterwards and felt prepared for what recovery involved.
I really believe once your body has done it once, it’s more likely to be a better experience the next time round. Of course there are the poor people who that doesn’t end up happening for, but I know out of my friendship group all our second labours have been much better than our first. Good luck

My dd did. Only just made it to the hospital with number 2 . Relatively very quick and easy.

@TheProvincialLady

I agree completely, the NHS has been very poor WRT supporting and treating women with prolapse in my opinion.

Mine was diagnosed at my 6 week PP check up but I discovered it myself a couple of weeks prior as something didn't look right.

My GP was good and made the correct referrals (women's health physio and a uro gynacologist) but my experiences when I went to those appointments weren't great.

The male uro gynae I saw was very dismissive and refused to consider fitting me for a pessary because in his words "it wouldn't work"

Women's health physio offered me one appointment where she checked I was doing my pelvic floor exercises completely then discharged me saying it might heal itself. God knows how.

I didn't bother to re refer myself as I felt nobody was interested and luckily I was asymptomatic and haven't had any pain or incontinence.

I am massively restricted with what I can and can't do though. I've been told no heavy lifting indefinitely.

I'll look at that link you posted and do what I can to stop things worsening.

Did the surgery cure your prolapse completely? How long was you waiting for the op?

I've resigned my self to the fact I'll probably need one at some point as my mother did.

Yes.

My eldest was a terrible birth. 36 hours of labour. I had to have the drip, he was ventouse in the end, I had to have an episiotomy, my stitches got infected, etc etc.
In fairness, I think a lot of the trauma of the experience was my own fault. The pain was indescribable and I totally panicked and had a meltdown. The after pain of the stitches was dreadful, the wound was weeping, I couldn't walk. Breastfeeding was HARD.
Awful. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

My second was like a dream. My exH turned up when I was 5cm, walked into the room to find me happily bouncing on a birthing ball and laughing with the midwife. He even joked he must have the wrong room as there is no way I would be that ok.
I ended up having an epidural with her. I wish I hadn't. But when labour started, I cried my eyes out because I was so scared of a repeat experience and I made the midwife swear that she'd get me an epidural before it was too late.

Totally different experience. I could feel her coming down the birth canal, but no pain. She basically slipped out, latched on straight away.

It makes me sad for my experience with my first.

Yep, long labour, emcs, poor after care and spesis. I had counselling afterwards and did birth reflections.

Fast forward to pregnancy with DD2 and I couldn’t think about labour without sobbing. More counselling, hypnobirthing and the pma midwives (amazing) and a consultant who was eventually willing to listen I had my against medical advice vbac - I did have retained placenta and needed surgery afterwards it was all much more positive.

@HealingMum

I didn’t develop my prolapse until after birth 2, though it was the first which did most of the damage. It took another 6-7 years to develop symptoms (which I didn’t recognise as symptoms at the time...inability to poo normally, painful sex, sudden urine retention) and astonishingly it wasn’t until another 3 years later that I sought help. The GP referral to gynaecology was taking so long that I went private, was diagnosed with an extremely thin and weak pelvic floor and 2 prolapses, had the operation 3 weeks later, recovered for 8 weeks and THEN I received the letter telling me I could choose and book an NHS appointment

The surgery was life changing though not exactly a ‘cure’. I hadn’t realised how much I had been suffering. It’s not a total cure in that I will never be able to run long distances or lift heavy furniture, but I’m fit and healthy and lift weights (safely, with the help of an expert personal trainer). I try to protect my pelvic floor as much as possible because having had the operation so young means I’m highly likely to need another one in years to come. It wasn’t easy and the recovery took a long time so it’s a pretty good incentive.

The ‘care’ I received post birth sounds similar to yours and it’s not good enough. If I had my time again - and could afford it - I would see a private women’s health physio during and after pregnancy. My local private hospital has them. It’s just awful that the NHS does not take this seriously - surely loads of money would be saved on operations later on.

Sorry for the essay!

So reporting back - I had my second on Monday. I had a horrible emcs cat 1 birth and 4th trimester with my first - hated the entire first year and had extensive post natal mental health (as well as physical) issues

Second was born Monday via elective section, planned to bottle feed from the off (pumping and formula). The section was incredible - there were some issues with the spinal (v difficult to get in and back is very sore and bruised now), but all remained calm and everything was explained as we went. Once the spinal worked everything went smoothly.

Seeing and hearing baby be born was absolutely magical - I cried my eyes out and sobbed the entire time after hearing that! He is just perfect ❤️ I felt so cared for by the team, like each one was there wrapping me in their arms and carrying me safely through it.

In recovery, much to my surprise baby latched and we had some lovely breastfeeds which was such a nice thing to experience with no stress or upset attached to it and I’m so grateful for that.

We’re home now (came home after 24hrs), I had a wobble Tuesday night and full on meltdown cried because I was getting stressed about latching him so we reverted to our original pump/formula plan which is going great.

I am so calm this time, I’m absolutely adoring being a new family of 4. My toddler is besotted with his baby brother and we’re in such a lovely little bubble ❤️

I could ever have hoped for such an amazing experience and so happy to have such an incredible experience and memories.

So yes, you can have a great experience after a horrendous first!

(It also turns out I don’t hate newborns at all, like I though - I just had such a shit time of it with my first, there really wasn’t much to enjoy!)

Me! Had awful first birth and blissful second birth. Difference for me was midwives who listened and water. Had DS2 in the pool with gas and air and it was amazing.

Yes :) First was awful. There day labour resulting in forceps with no pain relief - baby rushed to special care. Needed so many stiches, couldn't sit down without a ring and couldn't walk further than end of my garden for weeks! Needed weeks of physio for pelvic floor. 2nd baby 3 years later - water birth, no stiches :) completly opposite experience I am pleased to say!

Thank you for all of your replies I've taken heart from them, once again I'm so sorry you've all had such bad experiences prior.

A massive congratulations on your new baby Flappity. I'm so pleased you had a good experience this time and that you're feeling well in yourself

I had my booking in midwife appointment over the telephone. She was great and I'm feeling optimistic. We went over what happened with my last birth and she has referred me to the midwife consultant and for a debrief to go over what happened (Just as the midwife PP said up thread, yay!)

She also said that I can definitely have an elective cs should I choose to as NICE(?) guidelines have changed and so if somebody wants one then they can't be denied one, and that's without the multitude of reasons I have for wanting/needing one.

Yes. First birth was back to back - in and out of hospital in agony but kept getting sent home with one cm dilated. They gave me some lavender oil (10 years ago) and told me to try harder. Felt like a nail grinding into my spine, awful. She took three days and nights of that to come and when she came out back to back there was a collective .
‘Oooooh...’
Second time I researched back to back and did all the exercises to prevent it religiously. Had second at home by choice and it was amazing. Felt in control, everything on my terms. Didn’t have the after shock of baby blues, his birth made me feel my first experience was bad luck, not my fault.

Yes go for the c-section!!! You can have a natural section which is what I had planned for my second birth. Baby had very different ideas though and he was born after a 20 minute Labour and seven pushes.
Even though my second birth was easy after the first being so traumatic ,If I was going to have a third I’d still ask for a c-section. Best of luck.

With my first I had an episiotomy, delivered a 10lb 9oz baby then the placenta didn't come away, the cord snapped, after I delivered it I haemorrhaged. Had a transfusion, then needed three rounds of antibiotics to clear infections so was ill for a while.
Second baby I had an induction. Not going to lie it fucking hurt but it was way quicker, just had a graze and I was on my feet within 30 minutes of the birth. It was euphoric, I was so happy and I felt so good!

My first one was horrid. The second one was pure joy. I used hypnobirthing for my second despite starting out as a desperate doubter. It really helped in my prep for birth and during. I felt empowered to have what I wanted but also accepting if things took a different turn, it was just brilliant.