Has anybody had a positive birthing experience after a traumatic one?

[HealingMum]

A couple of years ago I had a horrific birth experience. A botched induction via pessary introduced a nasty infection which lead to a heavy hemmorage and me developing sepsis. I needed blood transfusions and spent two weeks in HDU. I also needed alot of perennial stitches and have a mild/moderate (but luckily asymptomatic) prolapse as a result of it. I had PTSD to boot.

I'm now pregnant again and crapping myself about something going wrong again, but I want to continue with the pregnancy and hope for the best.

Has anybody else had a traumatic birth and then gone on to have a positive one with subsequent children?

Hello. Sorry to hear that you had a hard time. I had a traumatic birth with my first which resulted in PTSD and prolapses (plural 🤨).
After lots of therapy (physical women’s health physio and mental ) we decided to try for a second baby. From the beginning it was on the basis that I would have a c section - I just couldn’t face another natural birth and nothing could or would convince me otherwise.
So I had a lovely planned c section. Obviously the recovery was a challenge but nothing as bad as with my first. It was all very calm and controlled. I now understand that birth is not always traumatic and have only positive memories of my second child’s birth. Honestly spent the first year after the traumatic birth reliving the whole experience and didn’t believe women who said they never think about it

I had one difficult, long labour but not traumatic per se.

Then I had a lovely labour, fast but not too fast, totally relaxed (at the time it felt like my body knew what to do second time around).

I would 💯 per cent say second labours are much better.

Thank you for this tread. I'm 35 weeks and have an appointment with the antinatel team next week.

I had an emergency induction with my last pregnancy. The labor was actually ok but once my DD was born I had a retained placenta and then had a massive hemorrhage (40% blood loss). I spent 3 hrs in emergency surgery, had three blood transfusions and spent 4 days in HDU until I self discharged as I couldn't cope any more.

I refuse to go through the same again, especially with a toddler waiting for me at home. I'm going to discuss my options. My midwife so far has been really supportive but the hospital team have been quite dismissive unfortunately.

Yes I did. My first was horrific (v.painful induction ending in a forceps delivery and massive blood loss) and ended up with ptsd. I had therapy and recovered well. I knew I wanted another baby close in age and ended up getting pregnant when ds1 was 9 months (happened quicker than I expected) and it was a daunting prospect.

The birth (9 days overdue) was very fast, intense but very. No forceps, no blood loss, I felt amazing afterwards, full of adrenaline and euphoria compared to lying in a bed unable to move and half conscious and in lots of pain the first time! It could not have been more different.

In a way I found it quite healing to have had the birth I’d wanted the first time but at the same time it brought up a lot of emotions and sadness at how it had gone the first time.

Yes. First one was a painful induction that ended in an emcs for fetal distress. Second one was a wonderfully happy VBAC. Although it wasn't totally straightforward it was a very positive, redemptive experience and I felt euphoric afterwards. Third one was a positive experience too!

Yes.

I changed hospitals halfway through pregnancy nr 2 as I wasnt listened to, and transferred onto a known midwife scheme. So I had ante natal appts with 2 mws and one would be on duty when I delivered. The actual birth sounds bad on paper but she very clearly told the dr that id had a bad time with ds and was to be spoken to and included in decision making. So physically the birth was more traumatic (tho nothing like OPs!) but I felt so much happier about it all.

Yes - my first birth story is very similar to yours. I used to literally shake and tremble when I passed the hospital. With DC2 I did hypnobirthing and took it very seriously. I was fortunate to be low risk for birth two so I had a home birth, which could not have been more different. I look back on it very fondly as a good experience (even though I did end up in hospital a few days later due to a complication). I have also since had EMDR for an unrelated issue and would echo a PP who suggested this.

My dsis.
1st birth- raised BP. Eclamptic fit in 2nd stage of labour. Retained placenta. Vulval haematoma. Back to theatre to have the part of the placenta they’d missed removed.

2nd birth - walked into maternity unit and insisted on walking up the stairs to labour ward. Sat on the delivery bed and was 8cms dilated. Delivered shortly afterwards. No stitches/no problems.

My dsis always said she had to have the 2nd delivery to get over the first if that makes sense.

Good luck.

I had a really traumatic birth with DS and I have ongoing PTSD. I'm trying for no.2 so watching this thread with interest.

I've had counselling, they recommended EMDR but I haven't got round to it with covid etc. I'm glad it helped you.

How does it differ from counselling?

Yes, me! First delivery was horrific. 48 hour labour, ending in induction/drip and forceps. Delivered a flat baby who was intubated and taken away to NICU. Eventually saw him 5 hours later but only after a passing Dr who I happen to know spotted that we were there, popped their head in, worked out what was going on and kicked up a fuss. Those 5 hours we were left completely alone with no news about baby. My mental and physical recovery took a long time.

Second baby was still a long Labour at 20 hours, but a spontaneous natural delivery in the pool. Minimal tearing and I went home 6 hours later. Recovery was infinitely better.

One thing you could ask about is whether it’s possible for you to be caseloaded. I was lucky that a student midwife took me on, and I had really great antenatal care. Sadly her shift pattern meant that she missed the birth itself, but I was supported by another excellent student. In fact, across both deliveries I can remember all of the students and they were wonderful!

I chose an ELCS after my first traumatic EMCS. I’m not sure if a c-section is something you’d consider but it was a wonderful, calm and straight forward experience.

Honestly my ELCS helped me immensely ‘get over’ my first traumatic birth. I am struggling to articulate it as I’ll never be fully over it but my second one was very healing for me.

If I were doing your booking appointment I would offer you an appointment with the consultant midwife who can offer support, debrief and helping you plan for this time. I would also offer referral to the perinatal mental health team. And ideally, you would see me in the community for the duration of the preganancy (alongside the other specialists obviously).

Good luck.

Yes. The first birth was traumatic, and I didn't want to risk going through that again, but wanted another baby. The second birth was a planned c-section, and it went well. There were minor problems, but nothing too bad, and it was definitely a positive experience compared to the first.

OP I could have written your post. It was quite spooky reading it. Almost identical experience.

I am very pleased to say 2nd child was born 18 months later entirely without incident. Spontaneous labour, started feeling contractions at 7am, left for hospital at 9, baby born by 4pm after uneventful and pain free labour using gas and air. Was persuaded to stay in overnight but home the following morning.

Yes! First birth really traumatic, took a long time to recover physically (and emotionally). Second birth... sat up in bed the next morning and couldn’t believe that I could sit without much discomfort and felt vaguely ok!

OP. Mine are now 11 and 9. DS (11) was a hideously traumatic birth. 5 days of Labour. Lots of shit that I won't go into. Was v traumatic. Please be reassured. DD(9) was a dream. 5 hours. I even napped during Labour (epidural). Woke up. Pushed twice and out she popped.

Your body really does know what it's doing second time round and all your pelvic area has the muscle memory.

I’m having my second on Monday, so I shall return and let you know!

My first birth was hideous - 26 hour hour failed induction and crash section. I was put under not knowing if DS was alive.

I had PTSD and also had EMDR therapy for it (which I agree, is excellent! I’ve also had private IEMT therapy this pregnancy to help with anxiety, similar to EMDR and also can’t recommend it highly enough!)

I never ever would have had another baby as was too scared, I got pregnant on the pill 😳 I’m having my second DS Monday via elective section.

Currently feeling a bit low and anxious (mostly thanks to the steroids, he’s needing to come at 37 weeks as my placenta is going the same way as it did with DS1), but I’m mostly excited and hoping for a nice, calm birth experience and much nicer newborn stage!

Good luck OP

Pretty much. I had an induction that took two days from start to birth, failed ventouse, semi failed epidural, then traumatic forceps delivery followed by stitches from here to kingdom come and an infection afterwards.

With the second my waters broke naturally, laboured with just gas and air for 6 hours and gave birth with no stitches although DS was distressed so just the last half hour was a bit scary.

Only afterward did the midwife (helpfully) tell me first births rarely go well. I have two children and their births couldn’t have been more different and they started off very similarly in that I had latent slow labour for days. Trust your body, accept help when needed and remember you are absolutely amazing. After my son was born I literally couldn’t get out of my head that I was a warrior. If I could do THAT, something so bloody awful and traumatic, then take care of him and be home the next day then I was more than I ever imagined I could be. Sounds dramatic I know but I was proud of me. My daughters birth was a dream but you know what, I was amazing in a different way then too.
@HealingMum I completely understand you’re afraid, my first birth wasn’t anywhere near as you describe but you’d be incredibly unlucky to experience anything similar again. Your body learns and more than that you learn. I imagine there’s things you’d know to speak up about or push for earlier the second time around. You’re more experienced all round here. Best of luck with this baby and please try not to worry

Yes.

DD1 I had to be induced for preeclampsia and my BP rocketed and needed meds and an EMCS. Felt rubbish for a good while, DD1 struggled with latching and lost a lot of weight.

DD2 had a PPH 2000ml ish with. Had to be packed under GA and get a transfusion the next day. Was very weak for a while.

With DS this time my contractions started at 7am, arrived at hospital at 11.15am and he was born 12.05pm. I had no time for pain relief and was sore but had a shower within 2 hours of him being born. 2 degree tears only, he was a good size for 37+3.

I always assumed it would go bad as it had before but it went very smoothly.

Yes me.

For my second I mentioned to my consultant that I was very anxious due to my previous birth that I was considering an elective c-section.

They took my concerns incredibly seriously and booked me a phone conversation (because of covid) with a midwife who was kind and understanding and who wrote me a personalised birth plan explaining my fears, what I wanted to avoid this time. She then emailed it to me and I printed off several copies and took them into hospital with me.

Every time my midwife changed or I was moved from induction to labour ward I handed them a copy!

My second birth was so positive compared to the first and my wishes were all taken into consideration and I felt much more in control.

Don't be afraid to speak up, good luck

I didn't expect so many replies, thank you

Nobody really warns you about what can go wrong do they? I'd never heard of postpartum sepsis, prolapse, hemmoraging after birth until it happened to me.

DD had a crap time of it aswell the poor thing, she was severely jaundiced and had to spend some time in the NICU under two lights so we barely got to hold her. As the infection I had was a nasty one she was given 7 days of IV antibiotics as a precaution.

(Non patronising) hugs to all of you who've been through such awful experiences and come out of the other side

Wishing the very best of luck to the two (?) posters up thread who are currently pregnant after your birth traumas. We can do this.

1footintherave What you wrote is exactly what I want/need. I dont supposed you're in South London are you?

I was booked to have a debreif a couple of weeks after DD was born but I was too traumatised to go through with it. I was a no show and didn't chase them up to rearrange, unfortunately. I do feel as though I really need to have that now.

Same with regards to the perinatal MH team. I suffered so badly with my MH after DD I honestly think it'll help me relax a bit having that safety net in place, so to speak.

I was too scared to open up about how much I was suffering in the early weeks postpartum was I was terrified that if I told a HCP how low and traumatised I was they'd call in social services who would take the baby. I wasn't thinking rationally at all and delayed my recovery.

Sorry to hear you had such an awful time with your first. It’s so hard to go through such an experience. I had similar, only it also started with a consultant telling me my baby would die if I didn’t agree to an emergency induction because he thought my waters had gone. They hadn’t and there was no evidence they had. So I went into it feeling panicky and worried. When we got to the maternity ward, we were left in a room for 8 hours whilst I quietly freaked out, thinking my baby was going to die. When a MW finally came in to start the induction, I burst into tears and she said “there’s no emergency, why do you think that? No one has told me that?” Complete head fuck before the awful birth even started.

With my second, there was no consideration of an ELCS - it just wasn’t even entertained by the consultants. They weren’t interested. This was only six years ago, by the way! So I booked a doula and booked a home birth and it was the most wonderful experience. Four hours from start to finish instead of the 50+ hours with my first. No pain relief needed. Just in my pool in my front room whilst I laboured like a wild and crazy woman but also feeling powerful and amazing. I was calm and sated afterwards and tucked up warm in my own bed whilst the MWs quietly tidied everything away and my doula and I laughed and cried over just...stuff. My toddler was upstairs in bed and slept through the whole thing! It was an incredibly healing experience and I am so grateful I got to experience giving birth the way I had hoped to.

Two years later, I did exactly the same again with our third DC. It was EXACTLY the same and completely laid to rest all the ghosts of what happened the first time.

Whichever way you do it, OP, I very much wish the same for you too.

Dd1 my waters broke at 30 weeks, finally went into Labour two weeks later. I lost 3.5 litres of blood, episiotomy and forceps, she needed resuscitation and didn't see her for over 36 hours. Had a midwife do the most painful pumping down on my stomach for hours afterwards. In a lot of ways I'm so glad I lost so much blood as my body was in shock so I don't remember a lot, what I found bad enough.

Dd2 22 months later was Oren again but a total easy and quick dream, I remember shouting at the midwife I didn't know what to do as dd1 was hauled out I