My 15 y old dd is being seen by CAMHS because of self harm/overdose. Her therapist suggested she may be autistic, so we are going through the diagnostic process now. She certainly seems to show many signs of ASD. Her emotional regulation is poor and she flies into rages if she cannot control everything. This makes it difficult to say no to her. She threatens to kill herself or run away. She’s very controlling about mealtimes and won’t eat with us. She then says there isn’t any food, when she’s got loads of snacks in that she normally likes. She refuses to take a pack lunch to school but refuses to spend the money on her dinner card. She calls me mad, or delusional, tells me to go kill myself. She can bring me to tears but doesn’t react at all. She says she hopes we both die in a car crash - when I’m driving and knowing I’m a nervous driver. It can be constant abuse but then sometimes she’ll act like nothing has happened.
She’s at her dad’s this weekend. He lives an hour away so he can’t have her full time and take her to school, plus his house is dirty and he lives in chaos tbh. She idolises him and says he’s better than me, so I can’t stop her going, plus I’m desperate for some respite.
I’m at my wit’s end. I’ve taken so much time off work for her, ferrying her to these CAMHS appointments and yesterday the appointment was abandoned because she refused to engage at all.
I’ve a job interview for my dream job next week and I’m thinking I might have to pull out because of dd - can I really cope?
The very extreme behaviour seems linked to periods - so I was thinking of speaking to the GP. We now have private healthcare from April so I was thinking a proper clinical assessment for her too - but not sure where to begin.
CAMHS suggested some support from early help as well - but I think the private route might be more flexible and allow me to continue my career (as selfish as that sounds). Please help. I feel absolutely awful and it does feel like an abusive relationship.