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Original poster

Joy suckers

34 replies

Werk · 19/03/2021 10:11

I have married one.

We have just moved into a lovely new house - recently refurbished and so nothing much to be done except curtains/blinds and buying a couple of bits of furniture. We are very fortunate.

DH - complete joy sucker. Gloomy. It isn't as nice as he remembers x,y and z are wrong etc. He has completely pissed on my chips and I want to shake him.

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THE HOUSE.

He is never happier than when he has something to complain about he is getting worse with age.

Anyone else have the same?

OP posts:

Returnoftheowl · 19/03/2021 16:23

I used to work with one... She was nicknamed the fun burglar.

I've got not advice... But it sounds like it would be exhausting to live with.

Deathraystare · 19/03/2021 19:39

Tell him it is being so cheerful that keeps him going!

Or call him 'Colin' after the vampire that sucks energy from people!

pigandmonkey · 19/03/2021 19:51

I live with one and we just had an argument over it. It seems like every suggestion I make is met with some reason as to why it's a terrible idea, this one was about gardening. He can't be with the toddler for more than 20 minutes before the screaming starts (from both of them). I'm just about done and if I had a job (I'm looking) I would have already been gone. The joy is just sucked out of everything and it is emotionally draining.

Procrastatron · 20/03/2021 01:31

Every silver lining has a cloud

FelicityBeedle · 20/03/2021 01:42

The ones on here, if a thread asks for happy memories of your grandma, they will explain how one grandma beat them regularly and shot the other lovely grandma in front of them. Really pisses me off

Starrylight · 20/03/2021 01:51

My ex... It didn't even seem to matter what the event/conversation 🙄. Group of 5/6 of us having a takeaway/watching a film, going on an outing? 'No, I don't like that, I don't want to watch that', 'No that's boring!', 'Well, I think that's crap!', 'Meh! I can't be bothered'... It evolved to the point of him then stating 'Waah! Well I wasn't invited?!' (yeah, no fucking shit you weren't 😂).

Sleepingdogs12 · 20/03/2021 07:13

I worry that I am a bit like this , my parents are too. I try to work on myself about it. With my parents I learned to manage it by pointing out the worries and negatives myself and then they would go the other way and resssure/find the positives.
I imagine it is hard to live with which is why I am trying to dismiss the automatic negative thoughts that arrive in my brain. It takes practice though. Congrats on your new home .

MsTSwift · 20/03/2021 07:17

Why the hell did you marry someone like that? My worst type of person. My in laws are both like it. If you meet up you go from normal cheery mood to down in about half an hour of the company.

Funnily enough Dh has reacted against it so is a massively upbeat optimist like the rob lowe character in parks and recreation so seeing them together is quite funny.

PositiveNegative · 20/03/2021 07:17

Tell him!

My dad was starting to do this, enjoying getting into that persona of a grumpy old man.

I had a really serious conversation with him about it.

It's often subconscious. He may not realise that he has a choice not to do this.

MsTSwift · 20/03/2021 07:20

The only time I have seen my in laws happy and chatty is relating other people’s holiday disasters. They went on and on about that couple that went sailing and got kidnapped by pirates it was All Their Own Fault apparently.

ZombeaArthur · 20/03/2021 07:26

My Mum’s like this. Whatever the conversation, she’ll look for the negative. If we go shopping, she’ll spend the whole time pointing out the things she doesn’t like, rather than the things she does. If I mention a meal I’m planning for myself, she’ll list the ingredients she doesn’t like (even though she won’t be eating it). She has nothing positive to say at all. Spending time with her can be utterly exhausting and her constant negativity is why I’ve had such low self esteem my whole life.

ragtimeloves · 20/03/2021 07:29

@pigandmonkey. my DH is exactly the same. say anything to him and he immediately tells me why it can't be done or is a bad idea.
We put a fence down the garden .,he's constantly fretting it will blow down.we were talking about buying a new house in couple of years but he started worrying that the house we got would have something majorly wrong with it.

took the car for an mot...fretted all morning it was going to cost him loads ( it didn't )

if we go anywhere starts fretting after 5 mins about when we can go home.

Its hard to live with..And he has got worse as time had gone on.

Dramallamabanana · 20/03/2021 07:32

My parents are like this. They literally live to complain. There is a running joke in our family (which my parents don't know about obviously!) that the worst holiday they ever had was the one where everything was so perfect at their 5 star resort that they had nothing to complain about so the holiday was ruined!

My husband works with someone similar, he calls him a 'fun sponge'

MsTSwift · 20/03/2021 07:37

I can’t imagine getting past a second date with someone like this how the hell do you choose one as your husband and be stuck with a Debbie downer for life! Nightmare.

MonkeyPuddle · 20/03/2021 07:39

I have a friend like this, I call her the dementor.

Dailywalk · 20/03/2021 07:41

My mum can be like this. I often find myself turning into a right moaner when we chat. I think she enjoys a shared moan. I hope I don’t get into the habit of doing it with everyone else though too.

whatthehellisthiszap · 20/03/2021 07:46

My MIL is like this. It's exhausting. She seems to enjoy when things are bad and any time you tell her good news she never reacts in a positive way.

MsTSwift · 20/03/2021 07:52

Dh is the perfect son worked so hard at school, sporty, played for county got to Cambridge from bog standard comp all from his own merits. When asked about him fil will sigh and say “well he never gave us any trouble” 🙄🙄🙄

GalesThisMorning · 20/03/2021 07:52

Growing up, when we would start to whinge and complain my father would tell us 'don't be a negativity spreader'. It's good advice and I've passed it along many a time!

Popcornbetty · 20/03/2021 07:54

There are a load of those on an easter egg thread atm

picklemewalnuts · 20/03/2021 07:54

Push back. Make a joke of it.

DH is like this, and now when he opens his mouth I say 'well, obviously it's all wrong and nothing's going to last, but apart from that what do you like about it?'

'I thought we could get a take away- obviously you won't want to as we didn't discuss it in triplicate last month and mark it in the calendar, but that aside, do you want chinese or Indian?'

It's habit. It needs pointing out and rejecting. I called him a 'knocker'- someone who can always find fault with something.
'Don't be a knocker, you're knocking again, knock knock'.

He's much better now. If you generally like him, it's worth putting the work in.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 20/03/2021 08:11

I have an aunt like this. She had a cruise holiday before Corona. Nothing about the five weeks where everything was fine, all she talked about was the few days she felt unwell.
We've also had monologues about the families who spend all day at the buffet, the American joggers (all they do is run round and round the boat.....) and how the markets at the locations they visited were All Awful. Too many locals apparently.
But did she have a nice time?
I have no idea.

Knitwit99 · 20/03/2021 08:25

I'm married to one. I didn't notice so much until he was at home constantly. He's also getting worse with age for sure.
I'm hoping he'll get back out to work soon and will be more cheery when he's among other people again

Original poster

Werk · 20/03/2021 16:38

@picklemewalnuts - that's exactly what he is like! Our first weekend in the house and we have been doing odd jobs and trying to get the kids' rooms sorted out. I haven't had time to think about dinner (kids can have a freezer meal) and so I suggested a takeaway.
First it was a no, surely we have something in?!? I said, ok but you can cook.
Takeaway curry was hastily agreed to but now he is sad that we will have to try a new takeaway as the old local one won't deliver here.
He has no idea if the new local one will be better but he has already decided that it will not. I have told him I am going to choose the meal as he always orders something that he ends up disappointed with or tries to be healthy (with a takeaway, honestly, just let it go for one night) and instantly regrets it. At least if it is wrong it will be my fault.

He was not like this when we met. I knew he could be a little bit pessimistic but he usually reserved that for weighty topics such as the environment etc.

Now it is every damn thing.

We have had words today because I am so very happy with our new house and he is not going to bring me down. We are so lucky. You would think I have moved him to a slum the way he is talking.

I am going to point it out to him every time from now on.

OP posts:

pigandmonkey · 20/03/2021 17:06

It's true that it gets worse as they get older. My joy sucker didn't seem like this at all when we met. I don't remember it being like this the first few years either, but we had a baby, bought a house and I stopped working. It really started when we moved into the house. He pays the bills and we can't afford to buy a pair of garden gloves or rent a rototiller, but the bottle of single malt keeps reappearing. I stopped using the back garden last summer because every time the 2-year-old ran through his carrot patch he came out screaming (wfh). I decided to reclaim the garden this summer for me and DS and he doesn't seem to like it. He says he will turn over the earth with a spade but he will do a pisspoor job and will probably decide that he should take charge of it again this year. I have strawberries that need to be cleaned up before summer and he told me it's too early for that. He can't just let me get on with it, I have to get a negative opinion about my plan.

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