I need some Mumsnet sense knocking into me

[hedgedrama]

I think I am BU. Possibly. And I really don't want to be that neighbour.

Here is the situation.

I have lived in my house for 18 years, it is a semi-detached Victorian house in a very leafy suburb (lots of trees, wildlife, not much noise etc.) and with a decent sized garden - approx. 50m. It is also really unpretentious - all very ordinary working people.

I have new neighbours. They have bought the house next door which needs a full renovation. Great. No problem with any building work for the standard kitchen extensions etc.

But between our gardens is a hedge - it's not the world's greatest hedge because it is a full mix of privet and holly. But it is a reasonable hedge in that it does it's job.

I caught my new neighbour for a spontaneous chat just before and he told me that in 2 weeks they are getting diggers in to remove the hedge and install a fence the whole way down that side of the garden. I expressed 'concern' that I do not want a full blank fence the whole way down my garden and I did say we probably need a conversation about this as I don't want to lose the greenery etc.

The conversation continued into looking at where the boundary was and where the roots were and he kept saying "looks like all the roots are on my side". There isn't a super clear boundary etc. but I was just trying to put my point across about what it will be like on my side with the back side of a fence and no greenery and can we look at saving some of the hedge on my side. It just wasn't going down well - "the roots are on my side"

I also turned all old woman and said that there were birds starting to nest in the hedge, to which he literally laughed and gesticulated he would 'move the nests'. I'm a bird watcher. He's moved into an area which is leafy and full of wildlife and doesn't respect it is what I heard

Much of my post here is to check if IABU - would you be happy with a reasonable hedge being pulled down for a blank fence?

He kept describing what his garden is going to be like - gym at the bottom, astroturf and a Koi pond and I am suspicious that I am being judgey because that is just not my taste...it seems a bit ajar with the area and I very much aware I maybe am stuck in the past but I am just not sure astroturf trumps the birds in the hedges?

I'm waffling now, but am I being a wanker neighbour?

It is a shared boundary hedge btw.
So why does he get the final say?

@StellaKowalski

It's his garden 🤷🏻‍♀️

Is it his hedge though?

A shared hedge is a hill to fight about as its clear thay are not bothered about what you think at all. It would set a precedent.

If you don’t want to get into a dispute and/or he just goes ahead plant yourself a new hedge. I like Laurel. Buy established plants and it will swamp his fence and hide his bloody awful astroturf in no time.

The shared boundary thing is throwing me a bit.

He has not asked for any money to do this...and I am not sure because I haven't actually had this depth of conversation, but it seems that because he is paying for everything, he thinks he gets the say.

And I think he genuinely thinks he is improving things. Doing me a favour.

I really don't want to fall out with them, but I need to get myself prepared for a compromise position where perhaps some of the hedge is saved on my side?

You could ask him to erect his horrible fence on his side of the hedge. Tell him it’s a shared boundary and you want to keep it.

Why can't you let him take the hedge out, replace it with a fence and then plant a hedge on your side of the garden?

OP, we ended up moving house over a boundary dispute. It becomes all consuming and expensive. i'd just give someone the 2 feet they wanted and be done with it. I know that its really really annoying, but I wouldn't go through that stress again.

I really don't want to fall out with them

You might have to if he shows total disregard for your opinion.

@GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman

Check with your council about whether it's okay to rip out a hedge at the start of nesting season. There are rules about trees.

^ please check.

I didn't know I was quite so judgy about astroturf until today and I have an awful feeling my face said it all when he mentioned it.

"Oh. Astroturf"

We also have local herons, so I can't think the Koi will last for long.

Thank you for your responses.

What I have realised is I am one massive judgy old fashioned bastard yet I do not need to go to war over a hedge. I want no birds dying - that is a definite, but in the worst case scenario I will plant some new exciting plants on my side - but the optimum for me would be to save some of the hedge on my side.

I will try and think of how I can converse all of this reasonably.

Two have a little hedge ta the front dividing our drives. It has some gorgeous little wrens nesting and you wouldn't know it except I saw one fly in. He's a dickhead if he touches the hedge now.

Where is the boundary? Is it ok your side enough so he can put a fence up/trim back on his side and you can keep your part as hedge still?

Phone the council and also put it in writing they you don't want the hedge moving as it's a joint boundary you'll have to come to a compromise.

What a wanker! Reminds me of an episode of peppa pig where they go and see the countryside and daddy pig gets his telly out and says to the birds - shut up I'm trying to watch wildlife on the telly - except it's birds and koi in this case 😉

Contact your local environment agency — or try the council environment department. I don't know what the law is but the nesting season is underway and you can't 'relocate' nests. I know landowners who've been fined thousands for removing hedges and had to reinstate them.

Bad luck with these new neighbours, they sound very insensitive. I imagine the hot tub will be arriving shortly. I find that men like these tend to react differently if it's a man they're dealing with so if you have a male friend or relative who could make their presence felt he might pay a little more attention to your pov. Long stretches of cheap fencing are horrible. Fast-growing shrubs and trees may help, but it'll look awful for a couple of years.

My parents had a similar issue OP and if I remember correctly the hedge was a shared boundary and it ended up with the neighbour cutting the hedge down on his side and putting up a large fence. My parents then had a weird half bush hedge thing which did grow back eventually.

The neighbour didn’t sink the fence posts in properly and the whole thing blew down in the first winter storm and had to be re done.

I see you said 'they' have bought the house next door. If he has an other half who turns out to be his better half that could perhaps be a means of saving the hedge.

Is it a big hedge? If it's just the maintenance that's bothering him could you offer to trim his side of it as well as yours?

Or cut some of the height of the hedge later in the year?

What a shame to lose a hedge. But I would be torn too, if I were in your position. A good relationship with a neighbour is a precious thing.

On the other hand, he doesn't sound like he's going to be bothered about developing a good relationship with his neighbour so you being assertive about the hedge might make no difference to how things develop as neighbours.

Also remember that you get the nice side of the fence. All structures for the fence has to be on his side. If he is using a digger , he cannot uproot / damage anything on your side of the boundary ( such as shrubs etc )

You need to find out who's is the hedge /boundary ASAP. My ndn tormented me for 6 months he was removing the wall between us.. He actually started smashing it down in the middle . Turns out my ll owns the wall.
And now the council are involved as we both live in listed buildings..
He is coaching you he owns it by going on and on about it..

It is also really unpretentious - all very ordinary working people.

Oh you're that type of person neighbour. I suppose you added that "unpretentious" line there to drive home the point that all the fixings he wants in his house is not to your precious unpretentious taste.

The irony.

As to your actual issue, if it's on his side, nothing much you can do. Put new hedges on your side. He doesn't have to do what you want just because you're the "unpretentious" one, as you unpretentiously insinuate.

If it’s a shared boundary hedge he doesn’t get final say, just ask him to cut it back on his side rather than strip it out. A good hedge is worth its weight in gold and doesn’t necessarily come easy!

Oh @hedgedrama this is sad.
I reckon I’d loose my shit at this. I would cry & everything lol.

@Lifeaintalwaysempty

If it’s a shared boundary hedge he doesn’t get final say, just ask him to cut it back on his side rather than strip it out. A good hedge is worth its weight in gold and doesn’t necessarily come easy!

I do agree with this, I just don't know whether I have the fight for it

As @Shedbuilder has pointed out, I am also without burly male in household

If the roots are all on his side then it sounds like it'll be out of your control. You can grow things on your side

Well for a start he can’t just move nests. It’s nesting season you can do anything to hedges until September. As soon as they started work I would be reporting, in fact I would do it now

As regards the fence you should get the good side. I would then either plant a hedge against it, or grow greenery up it

@HypocrisyDoubleStandardsMess

I am very aware of what I have written. It isn't ideal how I feel about it and now I find myself having to be aware of my own snobbishness. That doesn't feel great. Hence the post, I guess, to check if I was just being an awkward snob or others would also be concerned about it too.

I don't think you're being U at all. Neighbour sounds a bit entitled. It really isn't the right time to be cutting hedges but as a compromise could he strim 'his side' - those plants should survive a harsh cutback - and put his fence up where the middle of the hedge would be? Like you say, he can do what he likes to his garden but this also affects you and so there has to be some compromise from his side.