Do you think I'm a narcissist?

[wegetitalmosteverynight]

I started dating a woman a 13 months ago.
I was happy and everything was going well.
Then she changed her behaviour towards me and started doing things to make me jealous.
Telling me about other women and how people at her work fancied her and she gave one woman her number.
She would constantly say things to me then deny she said them.

She would mess with my head and claim she just wanted "friendship" then sleep with me.
Then the day after sleep with another woman and boast about it to me.
She would tell me how attractive people thought she was,and how I was so lucky.

I rang her one day crying and asked her to just not tell me as it was too painful to here who she slept with.
She still continued.
She told me she wanted a serious relationship and asked if I knew anyone single?

I lost my temper and sent her a text and told her how her behaviour made me feel.
She replied telling me "not to start again"
Anytime I tried telling her how I felt she would say I was a "psycho"
I did Everything to make her happy.
I never said anything incase it upset her.
I went out of my way to do nice things for her.

I'm not btw.

Anyway it came to a head and she said I meant nothing to her,and she thought I was a narcissist and she recognised the traits.
I'm terrified this has all been me and I'm the narcissist.
I don't think I am tho,but why would she say I was a narcissist?

Narcissists don't worry that they're narcissists imo. They don't have the self awareness, unless maybe they've done some therapy. Instead they project onto others.

I am honestly so confused
We met -had a great time,thought it was heading somewhere

Then I just want to be friends but still sleeping with me and constant communication with each other.

Then started telling me about all the others she was sleeping with,I felt in competition to win her.

Got close again,thought we were heading for relationship (she spoke about being girlfriend etc )

Then slept with other women and then after me getting jealous etc told me I was narcissistic and I had ruined it

It's NOT YOU!It's HER big time!
She makes you feel miserable and seems to enjoy it.She will twist the truth if you try to highlight it.Typical narcissistic behavior.
If you can,block her and count your lucky stars that it was just a 'date'.

Look, imagine you had opened a window before sleeping and then woke up because it's become too windy. Do you lie there wondering where it all went wrong? You started the relationship with a gentle breeze and now your curtains are blowing about and an ornament has been broken. Did the wind deceive you by changing its nature. Does the wind have a personality disorder, like low pressure or do you have a personality order that has caused it to behave like this? Can you do something that will make the wind understand what type of relationship you really want with it?

Of course you don't do or think any of those things, you just get up and close the fucking window then go back to sleep, because you have no control over the wind. Similarly you are giving too much time and head space to someone that you have no control over and who is disrupting your life and your happiness. Stop obsessing, cut her off and start enjoying your life instead.

I know that all makes so much sense.
Normal people don't get a buzz /kick out of making you feel like shit.
It's strange how at first she was different and then changed.

She sounds insufferable. Get rid

You need to walk away and dont look back, she is abusive! Don't even explain anything to her just walk away. She is the one with narcissistic traits not you

I definitely wasn't that catalyst for her behaviour was I?
I'm assuming she's done this before
Why do I always develop feelings for people son turn out to be not who I thought they were.

There's a thing you need to do with these people. You need to see them as aliens. Not Human. Everything goes through that filter - you assume they have no normal human emotions. No conscience. Everything is a lie and everything is designed to affect others adversely or to get something.

Next time you find yourself saying why take a step back. You have your answer. She is not human. She is not capable of the kinds of feelings you are. My dog is more human than her. It's so much easier when you realise that, and when you assume everything she says and does is part of a fucked up game.

Normal people can not possibly hope to understand the whys. Just work on that assumption, keep plenty of proof and make sure you have allies. And block, block, block. Defend yourself if you have to (passivity makes it much worse) but don't engage.

Not human. Tattoo that on your hand. Think of her as a bit like a snake. Snakes are snakes. They don't have emotions. You can't expect them to. You need to expect even less of her. As to why you.. it's random. You probably need to be a little bit more confident and discerning. Maybe. Or maybe not. Often they will just go for whoever is still hanging around. And beware the super charming who are amazing when you meet them. Not a good sign..,

Nope - but the woman you describe likely is.

It's like she had no empathy or emotions.
She couldn't see how what she was doing was hurting me.
When I was telling her how it made me feel she got angry.
Then obviously the twisting things began.
She was convinced I was the one to blame and she was the "innocent party " in all of this.
It's crazy

@wegetitalmosteverynight I'm telling you, Not Human. Looks like a human but isn't,

I think your right.

I am. And it comes from bitter experience! FYI they never stop. Ever. If there's any opportunity they can get to you they will. They bear grudges like you've never seem before.

And most of all they spin themselves and everyone else a fantastic victim story with themselves in the middle as the wounded hero. And they really believe it. There's no point in being compassionate or reasonable. If they are in your life you need to be quite ruthless yourself - which isn't easy. With them though you shoot to kill. Not wound. A wounded narc is a dangerous narc.

But I'm sure the ex will find a new victim soon! As long as you aren't in her social circle she will move on.

You need to block her and move on. Whilst you are analysing her you re still her prisoner. You need to let go!!
I understand this is difficult but while you are doing this you are still under her abusive spell.
Seek some help from a counsellor to help you adjust and re0find yourself.

My brothers ex girlfriend is just like this,problem is they have kids so he can never be shot of her.She’s one twisted bitch.Her parents even warned him about her,says a lot about what a vicious cow she is.
She just will not let things be.

@noego I know I need to move on.
Il never get answers as none of it makes any sort of rational sense.
I'm just hurting myself

@Mintychocolate the ironic thing is she's blocked me on her phone as if I'm The one who needs to be blocked (obviously kept me unblocked on other channels so there is still a way for me to contact her)
She actually gleefully told me she didn't want to block me off everything (which made zero sense to me)
I don't understand her at all
I guess she doesn't understand herself or maybe she does

@Practicalprat this woman is the most charming woman ever till in her head you do something she doesn't upset her then she is so vicious.
You wouldn't believe how vicious she is.

Do you have a shared friendship group? As pp have said make sure you get your side across before she poisons everyone. I know it's so difficult and a part of you will want to see what she's up to, but the ONLY way to deal with this woman is to block her on all social and don't reply to further messages. She will use it against you and fuck with your mind. She has shown who she is, move on and find someone lovely.

I know someone that sounds totally like this, in fact I’m half wondering if it’s the same person or maybe they are more common than we think. Luckily I’ve not got too close but I’ve seen a lot of people be sucked in. As well as physical relationships there’s also a succession of people she becomes really
Good “friends” with to an extreme. They all seem to be slightly vulnerable as well for various reasons, or just slightly vulnerable at the time when she swoops. It’s all done under the guise of being such a nice person. One thing I noticed she seems very close to people, they are together all the time, everything fine. Then next thing they are cut off are the absolute worst, complete psycho etc etc. Most normal people I know don’t have so many people thst they have fallen out with with to such an extent

@MrsMcTats no luckily we don't.
She told me she didn't care what my friends thought about her but then had searched through 1 years of texts to find times when she thought I had crossed the line...incase anyone pulled her up on her behaviour
That was in her eyes her "proof " I was the crazy one.
(She had deleted half the convo where she was winding me up )

I know she doesn't have any real "friends"
She has fallen out with and lost touch with a lot of her "friends"
Told me things happened and they blamed her for something (her behaviour) but they were in the wrong not her.
It's like she can't get close to people or she does and they see her nasty side.

You know the crazy thing.
She is the only woman I've ever been with.
I'm not even attracted to any other women bar her.
It's like I've been under some weird spell.
She bragged how she once turned a teacher gay who was married with kids.
She would flirt and try it with anyone.
Even if I was there.
Say "she's sexy"
Then say she didn't know why I was annoyed.

In that case you're in a really strong position to walk away with your head held high. If you ever have the misfortune to see her again simply state that there's a reason so many friends have deserted her- because she's the narcissist. If she comes looking for you in the future to play her games again do not engage.