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Original poster

7 year old Daughter concerns

50 replies

user1471429224 · 17/03/2021 10:31

Was hoping for some advice regarding my daughter. I’m worried something extra is going on with her but not sure. My main concerns are
Huge anxiety, she does have extra help at school for this
Struggles everyone morning with going into school, lots of crying
Very sensitive to clothes, nearly everything is not right, could be a label or a seam or even nothing that I can see
Struggles socially, when she started school she didn’t talk or play with another child for the whole year, getting better at this now but still prefers not to do it, it’s as if she finds it too much. But at home she doesn’t stop talking
Pre COVID times, she found party’s too much, just ends up crying the whole time
Fussy with food
Likes routines
Hates non uniform days
Has massive tantrums at home after school
After saying all this once she’s in school, school say she’s fine.
So not sure whether to follow it up or not?
Any advice would be great

OP posts:

FullofSurprises · 17/03/2021 10:37

What are your suspicions OP? Do you think she has some kind of SEN?

Original poster

user1471429224 · 17/03/2021 11:11

Yes I’m concerned about autism, but not sure if it’s the anxiety that makes her display all of her behaviours.
So I’m also wondering if anybody else children are like this with anxiety too?

Thanks for replying, appreciate it

OP posts:

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 17/03/2021 11:40

Well, being the mother of two DC on the ADD / AS spectrum, it does sound like that to me.
Anxiety is a comorbid of both ADD / AS, because life is so difficult and they feel so out of control and stressed all the time.
Girls are usually not easily diagnosed, because they present different from the "default human being" and cause less trouble within institutional settings.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

7 year olds Families

Mrsrosetta · 17/03/2021 11:44

Thank you for your thoughts. Can I ask what ADD stands for?
I think this is my issue, if she was to behave how she behaves around me at home at school, they would also be concerned. At the moment she goes out once a week with a ta for an anxiety intervention. What with COVID she only started that in December, then obviously is only just back at school now. So not sure if that’s made any difference yet.

Mrsrosetta · 17/03/2021 11:45

I am the OP just changed my name from the default user

musicinspring1 · 17/03/2021 11:48

Sounds exactly like my DC -I have ended up listing all the behaviours I see at home in a very factual email and sending it to the class teacher and senco to ask if I needed to be concerned / ask for additional help and now they have a better understanding of my dc. They have put in place things like learning breaks and also accessing some more specific support for anxiety. Might help to have a discussion with the teacher where you just calmly explain the behaviour you see at home so they see the bigger picture ?

BlingLoving · 17/03/2021 11:51

At the very least, it sounds to me like she has a sensory processing issue. this can be standalone, or is often seen in conjunction with (or as a symptom? Not really sure) of ADD or ADHD or other disorders such as autism. It's a real pity that your school is not being more supportive. If they were, at the very least you could get her referred for occupational therapy assessment. You CAN ask your GP to refer for paediatric assessment but if it's purely a sensory disorder, that won't help a the NHS can't/won't recognise it as a standalone.

If you can afford it, I'd seek private assessment either from a specialist paediatrician or from an occupational therapist. Children with SPD can often be anxious because they are aware of the challenges of certain environments and it overwhelms them. But obviously anxiety can also be a feature of many other conditions (DS has SPD so I'm most comfortable discussing where it's standalone). eg the classroom could be extremely disconcerting for her due to the noise/chaos/visible distractions etc, hence she doesn't want to go there. And frankly, it is a pity school isn't more supportive as there are things you can do to help children like this from wearing headphones to special seats, to ensuring they are sitting in the right part of the classroom for them (eg DS sits by the window to help keep him focused, his friend has a special seat).

The clothing thing is absolutely worth sorting because it will make everything easier for her (I speak as someone who now realises that I have mild SPD and who has spent a lifetime making clothing decisions based on comfort). So do what you can to find clothes that she can bear to wear. Some children like this prefer looser clothing (DS) while others prefer things that are more snug. You can buy all kinds of things seamless. In particular, i recommend seamless socks that completely changed our lives but I have a friend who used to buy special seamless t-shirts for her child too Accept that some thing might freak you out - DS would ONLY wear shorts until he was about 8 when he started wearing very soft trackies. As a toddler, he would not wear multiple layers, no matter how cold it was. A friend's DD only wears dresses.

It took us a while to get on top of DS's SPD. And in the meantime, it affected everything including his confidence. The change as we've found solutions and helped him to implement tools has been incredible. He still struggles academically but in all other ways, he's a different child today vs 4 years ago.

BlingLoving · 17/03/2021 11:52

@Mrsrosetta

Thank you for your thoughts. Can I ask what ADD stands for? I think this is my issue, if she was to behave how she behaves around me at home at school, they would also be concerned. At the moment she goes out once a week with a ta for an anxiety intervention. What with COVID she only started that in December, then obviously is only just back at school now. So not sure if that’s made any difference yet.

Also, I've heard a lot of parents of children with SPD, ADD, Autism etc comment on the fact that the child learns tools to survive at school, but as a result, it all comes spilling out at home. Sort of like how you act professional and in control while having a bad day at work but then come home and cry/shout/scream etc. But it's every day for them.

junebirthdaygirl · 17/03/2021 11:56

It does sound very like Autism as all of these things are very common in children with Autism .I teach this age group but obviously not trying to alarm you or diagnose. Often girls use all their energy to keep it together in school and hence the upset when she gets home as it all spills out. Agree with making a long list for school as it should be ringing bells for them when everything is put together. Otherwise have her assessed through your GP/ Health visitor.
Even with an assessment each area will still need to be handled but at least if everyone is on the same page it should help.

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 17/03/2021 12:05

ADD as mentioned above is Attention Deficit Disorder. I have on DC with AS and ADHD and one with ADD inattentive + AS traits.
Both diagnosed in early primary school when their world started to fall apart.

Mrsrosetta · 17/03/2021 12:11

Thank you for all of your advice.
I think I will write a list and email school and see what they say.
Some days can be such a struggle for her and I just want to help her have an easier life.
I have lots to look into now so I’m a bit more informed before I approach the school.
Regarding the clothes currently she will only wear shorts at home that are far too small so not suitable for going out in. And T-shirt’s that have holes in as she has worn them so much, and drawers full of new clothes that are just not right. I’m going to look at getting some seamless socks and a T-shirt to see if that helps.

Mrsrosetta · 17/03/2021 12:13

@Prokupatuscrakedatus

ADD as mentioned above is Attention Deficit Disorder. I have on DC with AS and ADHD and one with ADD inattentive + AS traits. Both diagnosed in early primary school when their world started to fall apart.

Thank you, I’ll have a look at that too. It sounds as if a lot of these diagnoses all overlap with one another.

Ilovechoc12 · 17/03/2021 12:13

Does she avoid doing things? .. my son sounds very similar

My son has PDA (autism) which is anxiety driven .... they can seem normal at school as they mask but meltdown when they get home / into the safe area
X

BlingLoving · 17/03/2021 12:18

@Mrsrosetta

Thank you for all of your advice. I think I will write a list and email school and see what they say. Some days can be such a struggle for her and I just want to help her have an easier life. I have lots to look into now so I’m a bit more informed before I approach the school. Regarding the clothes currently she will only wear shorts at home that are far too small so not suitable for going out in. And T-shirt’s that have holes in as she has worn them so much, and drawers full of new clothes that are just not right. I’m going to look at getting some seamless socks and a T-shirt to see if that helps.

Boys cotton/towelling shorts from sainsburys might be your friend here. They come in neutral colours so there's no reason why she can't wear them. Obviously, a key challenge could be that once she finds something she likes she doesn't want to give it up. DS had a number of items over the years that were exactly the same, just the size up. We also found that we absolutely HAD to let him be part of the buying and decision making process. He needed to see, touch and try on the clothes before he'd consider wearing them otherwise it didn't matter how soft they were, he'd just point blank refuse to even put them on.

character.com does very soft pyjamas, many of which could easily be worn as t-shirts (just look out for the ones that are snug as they aren't always marked). DS had a number of spiderman/star wars etc from there that he wore as t-shirts rather than pyjamas (or as both). DD gets all her pyjamas there too now although she doesn't have sensory issues.

Google bamboo seamless socks. life changing. I get mine from the sockshop online but I think lots of places do them.

Mrsrosetta · 17/03/2021 12:27

@Ilovechoc12

Does she avoid doing things? .. my son sounds very similar

My son has PDA (autism) which is anxiety driven .... they can seem normal at school as they mask but meltdown when they get home / into the safe area
X

Yes she won’t do anything that makes her uncomfortable. Not sure if it’s relevant but she also won’t join in large pe games, such as football, netball, would never ever do a race at sports day, she worries so much about losing in these situations and with far too many people around her. She will join in in pe with a small group though.

Mrsrosetta · 17/03/2021 12:30

@BlingLoving
Thank you for your very helpful advice about the clothing. Will take a trip to Sainsbury’s and have a look.
She does actually have some pyjamas that are just T-shirt and shorts that she does wear at home too, hadn’t really thought before but they are only stripes so real reason why she can’t wear them out too.

Mrsrosetta · 17/03/2021 18:16

Thank you everyone for all your advice, I’m going to write an email to the teacher. Will update when I hear back.

Ilovechoc12 · 17/03/2021 18:56

I wouldn’t trust teachers I knew my boy was very different from 2 years old everyone thought he would grow out of “it” 🤣🤣🤣
Reception teacher said no problem
First yr teacher noticed a couple of things
Second yr thought he was wonderful and star pupil until covid hit and then they saw the “other” side.

If you have spare cash I’d go private .... I have been waiting for 1.5 yrs for an ados test on nhs and still haven’t been seen 🤣🤣🤣 mega waiting times and “sorry for the delay”

Good luck but I’d go straight to the dr x

Defmy · 17/03/2021 18:58

I would consider the possibility that she is a highly sensitive person.

An assessment would be helpful.

parrotonmyshoulder · 17/03/2021 19:04

I agree with speaking to the school again with your concerns, but in many areas this kind of thing needs to go via the GP.

Girls with ASC can often present like this, as PP have said. They can ‘mask’ during the day but it is very hard. Look up Tony Atwood on YouTube for more on this.

On the other hand, if it is any reassurance, you could have been describing my own DD at age 7. At 11, she is coping very well and is happy. I have done a lot of ‘coaching’ along the way though, and supported her as a ‘highly sensitive person’ as mentioned above.

Mrsrosetta · 17/03/2021 20:09

Thank you again, I’ll look into a highly sensitive person too as happy to just change the way we deal with things too, anything to make it easier for her.
Unfortunately I don’t have enough money to go private as I have heard waiting lists are long. I also thought it would have to be a school thing to deal with, so will try the gp too.

Mrsrosetta · 17/03/2021 20:14

Does anyone have any recommendations for a book about a highly sensitive child? See there’s a few on Amazon, wonder if it would be any help.

parrotonmyshoulder · 17/03/2021 20:44

Elaine Aron would be my recommendation.
Good luck.

Mrsrosetta · 18/03/2021 09:22

@parrotonmyshoulder

Elaine Aron would be my recommendation. Good luck.

Thank you

user1471548941 · 18/03/2021 09:30

This screams autism spectrum to me. The angelic at school, lets it all out at home is a classic sign she is “masking” in school.

This was me as a child, diagnosed at 24.

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