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Original poster

7 year old Daughter concerns

50 replies

user1471429224 · 17/03/2021 10:31

Was hoping for some advice regarding my daughter. I’m worried something extra is going on with her but not sure. My main concerns are
Huge anxiety, she does have extra help at school for this
Struggles everyone morning with going into school, lots of crying
Very sensitive to clothes, nearly everything is not right, could be a label or a seam or even nothing that I can see
Struggles socially, when she started school she didn’t talk or play with another child for the whole year, getting better at this now but still prefers not to do it, it’s as if she finds it too much. But at home she doesn’t stop talking
Pre COVID times, she found party’s too much, just ends up crying the whole time
Fussy with food
Likes routines
Hates non uniform days
Has massive tantrums at home after school
After saying all this once she’s in school, school say she’s fine.
So not sure whether to follow it up or not?
Any advice would be great

OP posts:

Mrsrosetta · 18/03/2021 09:59

@user1471548941

This screams autism spectrum to me. The angelic at school, lets it all out at home is a classic sign she is “masking” in school.

This was me as a child, diagnosed at 24.

This is what worries me, I’d rather get her the support now so she knows and we know how to deal with things.

Mrsrosetta · 18/03/2021 10:03

It’s non uniform day tomorrow, I’m dreading it. Every time it always ends up with her being peeled from me, the teacher having to hold her to stop her from running back to me while they shut the door.
I’ve tried school clothes and normal clothes but it doesn’t seem to make any difference, she just hates the whole day with everyone wearing different things etc.
This week I tried getting out something on Monday for her to wear but hasn’t helped at all. So she could get used to the idea and prepare her.

parrotonmyshoulder · 18/03/2021 18:48

If I could have (I’m a teacher) I would have kept my DD at home on non-uniform days In year 2/3. She got a lot better with it, started planning her clothes in year 4/5, especially designing world book day outfits. By then she liked pretending to be someone else.
But mufti days up to the end of year 3! They were agonising. Nothing would reassure her. She actually can’t remember now how bad it was (I’ve just asked her).

Learning some problem solving skills and a CBT approach has helped. Even if your DD gets a diagnosis, these things will be needed I imagine.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

7 year olds Families

Mrsrosetta · 18/03/2021 19:56

@parrotonmyshoulder

If I could have (I’m a teacher) I would have kept my DD at home on non-uniform days In year 2/3. She got a lot better with it, started planning her clothes in year 4/5, especially designing world book day outfits. By then she liked pretending to be someone else. But mufti days up to the end of year 3! They were agonising. Nothing would reassure her. She actually can’t remember now how bad it was (I’ve just asked her).

Learning some problem solving skills and a CBT approach has helped. Even if your DD gets a diagnosis, these things will be needed I imagine.

I’m going to try and get her in, but I’m nit that hopeful tbh. Glad to here your DD is now happy to go in own clothes, makes me hopeful she’ll get better

HouseOfTheRisingMum · 19/03/2021 06:38

Hi. Just wishing you well here. My 7 year old daughter has some of the issues you list as well as some different ones. I suspect ASD and have done for some time, but the school aren’t really onboard as she usually copes well and is so sociable. I’m considering going private.

autumnboys · 19/03/2021 06:46

I know some parents hate this idea but sending the school a couple of videos might help.

One of my DS is autistic and some of what you describe sounds familiar to me. He has some sensory quirks, but his main issues are social.

Mrsrosetta · 19/03/2021 10:23

Thank you again.
She’s in school so that’s good. Took a while but she went in eventually, school did try yesterday with her showing what they would be doing today, telling her what the teachers will be wearing, so they are trying with her.
I have a meeting next week with the teacher where I will share my concerns again.

Grimbelina · 19/03/2021 10:30

www.autism.org.uk/directory/t/the-nas-lorna-wing-centre-for-autism

The Lorna Wing Centre is very experienced with girls on the spectrum. It does sound like you need to fully explore ASD and possibly ASD with PDA... and the sooner the better as things tend to get worse around the secondary transition for lots of reasons.

Grimbelina · 19/03/2021 10:31

... and we were told over and over again that it wasn't ASD by teachers etc. as our DC was very good at masking (it was).

Mrsrosetta · 19/03/2021 11:51

@Grimbelina

www.autism.org.uk/directory/t/the-nas-lorna-wing-centre-for-autism

Thanks for the recommendation. Lots to think about

HouseOfTheRisingMum · 20/03/2021 07:01

Sorry to hijack but can I ask a couple of questions?
I’m planning on making a go appointment for Dd to discuss a referral. Do to take Dd along? Not sure I want to point out all her struggles whilst she’s listening.

If I decide to go down the private route do schools have to recognise any diagnosis?

Thanks

lollipoprainbow · 20/03/2021 07:32

Sounds identical to my daughter who is 8.5. She is currently being assessed for ASD.

Mrsrosetta · 20/03/2021 07:50

@HouseOfTheRisingMum

Sorry to hijack but can I ask a couple of questions? I’m planning on making a go appointment for Dd to discuss a referral. Do to take Dd along? Not sure I want to point out all her struggles whilst she’s listening.

If I decide to go down the private route do schools have to recognise any diagnosis?

Thanks

I was wondering the same, as I would hate to point out all her struggles in front of her. I wonder if a telephone call would be easier.

Mrsrosetta · 20/03/2021 07:52

@lollipoprainbow

Sounds identical to my daughter who is 8.5. She is currently being assessed for ASD.

I’m so glad I started this thread now, all the comments are very helpful

HappyAsASandboy · 20/03/2021 08:16

I am glad you started this thread too - I have a 10 year old DD who shares a lot (but not all) of your daughters struggles. She is perfectly behaved at school, but struggles so much at home.

Things have come to a bit of a head during the past year, as she's been at home rather than school. She can't/doesn't mask at home, so has spent a great deal more of her time showing distress.

I have spoken to the school and they are referring us to a service called the Emotional Health and Well-being Service (EHWS), which I believe is a service that will help me to help her (so I attend the sessions, not DD). They're also going to screen for dyslexia, which was raised briefly a few years ago but then dropped (I now think due to funding issues at the school, but at the time I thought it was because they were no longer concerned).

Those who have a diagnosis, can I ask what difference it made? I am wary of pursuing a private assessment because I don't want my DD to feel like I think something is "wrong" with her. If the diagnosis is helpful rather than just a label then I will do it ASAP as we're looking down the barrel of Year 6 and then secondary translation.

parrotonmyshoulder · 20/03/2021 08:49

In our area, and I’m sure it is the same everywhere, the waiting list for ADOS (ASC assessment) is around 2 years. Children accepted on to the pathway are given a ‘working diagnosis’ of autism and we are asked, as parent/carers and schools, to use the strategies and supports that we would for a child with a full diagnosis.
This makes absolute sense to me. The child doesn’t change when they get a diagnosis, so we should be helping them in whatever ways we can regardless. Autism strategies are never going to cause harm (although children with PDA do not do well with the same level of structure as children with autism and no PDA).
Some schools, some people working within schools, are going to be better than others at supporting. Advocating for your child is going to be important.

lollipoprainbow · 20/03/2021 09:45

@HouseOfTheRisingMum my initial appointment was with a doctor and my daughter sat there too which I thought was daft!, I didn't want to talk about all the issues in front of her, the doctor did a couple of tests with her and she seemed to pass them fine. The next appointment was with me and the consultant only and she went through loads of questions with me on the computer. My daughter is having a salt appointment at school on Wednesday. I too wonder if I should tell my daughter when/if she is diagnosed as scared she will feel different from the other children.

autumnboys · 20/03/2021 09:57

Having a diagnosis (asc & later day dyslexia) has been positive for us and for DS. I found the below really useful in terms of understanding a diagnosis and why it’s useful even if they appear to be coping okay in school.

Once we had a diagnosis DS saw an EP and had a sensory assessment. Both of those helped the school to help him.

the-art-of-autism.com/understanding-the-spectrum-a-comic-strip-explanation/

parrotonmyshoulder · 20/03/2021 10:08

That’s such a helpful comic, thank you.

HouseOfTheRisingMum · 20/03/2021 10:12

Thanks @lollipoprainbow
I wonder if I can get a telephone appointment first of all.
How long have you been waiting between appointments?

@parrotonmyshoulder what is the process for getting a working diagnosis please?

parrotonmyshoulder · 20/03/2021 10:17

I think it depends on your area. GP is the first port of call. I would arrange a phone consultation and discuss without child present, personally. Questionnaires are likely to be sent home and school to complete. In our area, it is then decided (by health) whether to put children ‘on the pathway’ (which is a euphemism for ‘long waiting list’ but then seems to generate these letters with ‘working diagnosis’ and some support groups and training for parents).

HouseOfTheRisingMum · 20/03/2021 10:25

Thank you!

Mrsrosetta · 25/06/2021 19:40

Thought I’d update this thread to say school are on board with a referral to a paediatrician, and it turns out they have noticed quite a lot in school and agree that autism is a possibility.

gonnabeok · 25/06/2021 19:49

Hi OP, sounds very very similar to my dd at that age.girls can mask well at school. My dd had increased meltdowns during covid lockdown.As a result I requested an ASD assessment.

My dd is now 11 and just been assessed as having high functioning autism.

Mrsrosetta · 25/06/2021 20:01

@gonnabeok

Hi OP, sounds very very similar to my dd at that age.girls can mask well at school. My dd had increased meltdowns during covid lockdown.As a result I requested an ASD assessment.

My dd is now 11 and just been assessed as having high functioning autism.

Did it take long to get an appointment? Trying to get all the paperwork sorted from school before the summer holidays.

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