How many kids you wanted when younger vs now

[BellamyBells]

Inspired by another thread.

I grew up in the 90s in London. In my friendship group (mixed, so some very wealthy and some working class) most of my friends were one of 3 of 4 kids! I think a lot of the mums were SAHMs which is obviously less common now (not saying this is a bad thing! Just a very marked change). Also houses way less affordable now haha, everything more expensive in general and everyone having kids later in life. So nowadays my friendship groups are choosing not to have kids or they have one or 2. I dont know anyone having more than 2!

As a kid I assumed I would have 3 or 4. I'm currently still on one but hoping for a second!

Did you end up doing what you thought?

I didn't think I wanted any - very much career oriented.
I have 3.
Not sure who is more surprised, me or my family.

@GinnieHempstock

I didn't think I wanted any - very much career oriented. I have 3. Not sure who is more surprised, me or my family.

Love it!

I didn't want any, got to the age of 38 before thinking one child would be nice

i wanted three because i’m one of three and have a very close relationship with my brother and sister. i ended up having four - two boys, two girls. i’m not yet thirty though so there’s a possibility there could be more in the future. never say never!

None.
Didn’t want any for a thousand reasons.

Met my dh, got to 30, decent jobs, nice house.
Started trying.
Multiple miscarriages, long long periods of not conceiving so the decision was not mine.

Life throws big shitballs at you sometimes.

Didn't want any. Got 4.

Some friends wanted 2/3, some more and some 0. That was during the 80’s.

I didn’t want to have children until I was 33. Then I wanted and I had twins.

Wanted 2.

I used to think I wanted four. That was before I had any.

I now have two and we are done, even allowing for any fuckwits who might suggest we “try for a girl”.

I have the utmost respect for anyone who feels able to cope with four!

(To be fair, my mental image of having four involved me being a SAHM - which wouldn’t work for our family at all in terms of either income levels or the personalities involved. But I can’t help but think it must be easier in a larger family to have a parent at home, given how much smoother things run for us when someone is WFH or on a non-working day.)

Most of my friends who have kids, have two. Several of my friends don’t have any (and are unlikely to now). In my social circle, more than two is unusual and more than three is very unusual indeed, but we are SE England commuter belt area and the cost of housing and childcare is probably a factor.

I wanted 4. After my first I decided 2 was much better for many reasons. I have 2 now and would love one more but after 2 traumatic births, both of which I’m very lucky to be alive, I know it’s best not to in case my luck runs out.

Wanted four... Two boys and the girls. Preferably 2 sets of twins.

Have 2 girls, not twins (8&9yo) No plans to have any more (to the disappointment of my mother who wants a grandson).

I thought at least 3. I've got 3 but don't think I'll have anymore, my body couldn't cope with another pregnancy. Had the first at 18, the third was very unexpected and 6 weeks old now. I'm 31 this month.
Would have loved to have loads, but we couldn't afford to, and like I say, I couldn't put my body through that again.

I don't think I know anyone with more than 3 now.

I wanted 8.

I was 20 at the time.

I had been persuaded that 4 was a more realistic figure but H declared after 2 that he didn't want any more.

Spent a few years pissed off about it, but then wasn't.

Wanted none, have one.

Oh I know 3 women that have 4, not in the best circumstances though, and one has twins.

Same as PP, up until the age of 28 I couldn't be less interested in having children. Then I did have children. 2 little darlings!

I wanted 6. I got 6

I wanted my uterus ripping out. Even asked the doctor for a hysterectomy in my teens, obviously they said no🤦🏽‍♀️.

Now I have one DC and another on the way. That will be the end.

I didn’t ever think about how many DC I wanted I just knew I’d like a family. I grew up in the 70’s/80’s and 2 was the most common number, then 3, then 4, then 1.
I then had three DC and lots of my friends had 3,2 or 4 DC in that order. I’ve known hardly anyone to have one DC. There was one child in my class at school, one in my DC’s classes and none in the street where I live.

Wanted four, had three. Feel very grateful as they are all healthy. Sometimes sad about not having the opportunity for number 4 but aware I'm very lucky.

I didn't really think about it much when I was little, I generally assumed I wouldn't have children (I also generally assumed I'd be long dead by now) though when I was 11-12 in group therapy, they had us do an exercise of planning out different happy lives and discuss them, I think the goal was to get out of that kind of depressed thinking and to consider multiple options and the idea we had some control over our futures.

For reasons I never really understood, having never really thought on it before then, I blurted out that I wanted 6 children. I made a little life idea sheet that hung up in my locker with that on it for the rest of the academic year. When I met my spouse, he said he liked the idea of 5, and after a lot of discussion we were kinda in agreement of wanting a large family though obviously going one pregnancy at a time.

We have 4, I came out of my last antenatal appointments saying I wouldn't do that again and have never had a moment's desire to physically go through that again, though my spouse and I have discussed doing supportive housing for teenagers or trying to adopt older children when our four are older.

Wanted none - loved working partying round London and nice holidays
Got 4 now 🤪

I'm one of six, my DH is one of three.

Always wanted a tribe, close in age like a little gang.

I have two. Would have loved more but decided against (so it's not that I stopped wanting them after two).

Various reasons - they both have (unrelated) disabilities and having another felt like risking having either a healthy child whose needs would be totally overshadowed by their older siblings or having another child with medical needs which would have tipped me over the edge. Also wouldn't have more than two once we grasped what we're doing to the planet.

Spent my late 30s a bit wistful about it although convinced we'd made the right decision. At 40 a switch flipped and rather than feeling an unplanned pregnancy would be 'not the plan, but we'd cope', now I greet each period with utter joy and go cold at the thought of being pregnant.