Did you waste lockdown?

[SleepingStandingUp]

I feel like of someone said I'd have a year at home with my 3 kids, a long hot summer, that I'd make the most of it. That even with covid restrictions we'd have the BEST time and we'd make so much stuff and just laugh every day.

But it hasn't been like that. I'm constantly battling to not shout at DS who won't do his school work and Dbabies who pull hair and won't lie still for nappies and are so heavy it hurts my arms grappling with them.

My walls aren't festooned with art work and creations. When they're actually not needing me to intervene, remove one from somewhere too high or off atop of another or I'm not changing or feeding or schooling one, I feel like I can't move. I'm rooted to the spot, unable to create this amazing childhood.

But then how is that a suprise? I've never been the Mom I imagined, everyone imagined. DS was petrified of everything when he was tiny so we didn't do messy play and arts and all that and now with twins and homeschooling (our bubble burst Sunday) I just, can't, I feel so overwhelmed I don't know where to start.

They're so dangerous.

They eat anything, climb anything. I spend their days counting to nap1, policing their craziness before someone gets hurt, counting til DH finishes work, hiding to make dinner. Hiding eating chocolate when I'm already fat enough.

Why aren't we making dens whilst the babies sleep? Oh yes because I'm still bleating on about number lines and it'll make mess and it'll wake the babies of o go upstairs and they'll just roll all over them and add to my expanding washing pile.

No outside time, it's damp and windy and they won't stay in bouncers and they can't walk and it's too damp to crawl and they'll go on opposite directions and eat matching worms.

And I'm so tired because I can't sleep because I can't turn off my brain which whirls and twirls and screams and shouts. And if I do, someone will scream on their sleep or cry for a drink or a missing teddy so my brain stays on, knowing that there won't be peace.

So yeah, how was yours?

Can I just say, you deserve a bloody medal if you are even half sane and not face down in the gin by 9am!!

I don't think many..if any..Mums' lock down has been an Instagram worthy experience of blissful home schooling and long summer days. Reality... bloody hard, depressing, difficult and you have twins!

I'm older but had three children under 3 and can't imagine how I would have survived. Nap times just about saved me.. in non pandemic times!

BUT it WILL pass. Sooner or later normality will resume. Hang in there... you don't have to be earth mother... x

Oh god I can't imagine 3 under 3, eldest turned 5 during lockdown 1 when the twins were 6 months.

I look at the open wine a lot.

You weren’t on holiday for the year you were home schooling. You presumably would have never chosen to do this with babies at home and not prepared. Building dens and covering the walls with art work are for holidays and down days. You survived you did a good job

I have worked all the way through, had a grand total of 3 weeks off in the last year and spent most of that catching up on sleep! Can’t wait for some actual proper time away from work and to be able to DO something with it.

But I don't do those things on weekends or holidays either. It's like an inertia has settled over me.

OP I had a five year old, a three year old and 8 month old twins and a husband that likes to traverse the world when the first lock down started. It was brutal!
Husband took the knock hardest I think. Working from home wasn’t in his plan.

My fb was full of people studying and developing ‘side huddles’. I was busier than I’ve ever been keeping afloat.

Nothing to make you feel crappier than everyone else in the entire world baking their way to self improvement while your cleaning the toilet for the 15th time that day and sushing everyone so the babies will sleep.

I drink a bit too.

You have an extra 3 yo, you deserve the alcohol lol

I didn’t do that much which could be considered Uber-productive, but frankly I’m still proud of myself for making it through in one piece! Don’t be so hard on yourself, it’s been an incredibly difficult time for many. Even those with perfect lives on Instagram

I even deferred my ou course because I couldn't cope. The house is clean but messy and I have zero motivation.

I was hoping now schools are back and the towns nap kinda consistently.... We're on 10 days of isolation die to a covidy dinner lady (she's thankfully doing ok)

I just want to be alone.
But then I miss them

If it makes you feel better I’m single with no kids and I’ve done bugger all. Okay, I started writing the novel I’ve always wanted to do but I got one chapter in and got bored. Did a bit of drawing. But 90% of my time has been spent in front of my work laptop, napping or in front of the TV. The only exercise I get is walking the dog and if I didn’t have him I could easily not leave the house for days. I just can’t be arsed, everything feels utterly pointless. Don’t beat yourself up, you’re coping with a lot!

Well the comeback’s always better than the setback, deferring uni is perfectly fine if you couldn’t cope last year. I mean, you have twins. That alone is a lot to handle so you should be amazed at how much you’ve actually been able to do😅

Meh.

Are your children fed, decent enough home and safe and reasonably happy?

Don't judge yourself by others standards.

You got through a really strange time with a lot on your plate. You didn't waste anything, you looked after your children and did your best.

Sod what the InstaMoms did.

Personally, I battled job loss and major mental health fuckwittery as well as running a home and caring for my children. Some if it was pleasant, most of it was OK but a tad mundane.

Give yourself a break. You did just fine.

@SleepingStandingUp

You are being very hard on yourself. Lots of those FB 'moments' are carefully staged just for FB. Don't judge yourself against them. Looking after LOs is hard and relentless without throwing a pandemic and home schooling into the mix.

I've got twins, they're nearly 9 now. I feel like a zombie after a year of on and off home school but if we'd been in lockdown when they were little I'd have gone off the deep end. You're doing both. Give yourself a pat in the back for managing!

I didn't waste lockdown, I did an amazing job.

I worked, schooled the children, did household stuff, fed everyone, remembered to phone friends and generally kept the show on the road. I'm bloody proud and anyone who thinks I should have done more can fuck off.

I had a baby (who doesn’t sleep) just before first lockdown and I also have a 3 year old; I’m pleased just to have survived it all with my mental health and marriage intact.
I accepted a while ago that I’m not the mum I imagined I’d be but I do my best and I have lovely kids. I printed some photos of the last year recently and it showed me that we’d had a lot of fun and good times,

I didn't waste lockdown, I survived it - just.

My DD was developing anxiety/depression in the run up to lockdown, but fell off a cliff with her MH last spring. It took ages to get any help at all, and even longer to get the help that might get her out of it. We are only now just seeing signs of improvement.

So, education went to pot.
Her and my fitness/weight went to pot.
Her and my MH went to pot.

But we clung on and have survived. My DH has been a star.

There’s not been a lot of joy for the past 12 months OP be kinder to yourself. Would putting the twins in nursery be an option? You need some time to yourself to recharge.

To me this whole last year has been something we just needed to get through as a family the best we could. We both worked throughout so there was a lot of guilt around not giving our DD the attention she needed, when her school was closed it was a struggle and that's just with one child. We had a family bereavement and another family member attempted suicide. It definitely wasn't some kind of magical time together like you see on Instagram. All of my friends have just been trying to get through it too. Don't be so hard on yourself x

Pmsl at matching worms!
Completely relate to the feelings of inertia. There's no point starting anything as you don't know how long you've got. You don't know when you'll have to drop what you're doing and deal with the next thing. Be kind to yourself, you're doing a very hard job.

I have not wasted the year, I have survived it.

Everyone fed, no one dead. And sadly that’s not been everyone’s experience this past year.

I have been cross and grouchy and grumpy and know more about digraphs and fronted adverbial said than I thought I would, and the house is a mess and I can barely think never mind do anything when then kids are asleep.

Because if we had a year “off” to ourselves we wouldn’t spend it at home. We’d have freedom to go places (without worrying about getting too close to people) and explore and people to share it with.

Lockdown wasn't some amazing opportunity that people have missed. It wasn't a decision you made "hey, I'm going to give home schooling a go", it was enforced, with (for me at any rate) an undercurrent of "are we all going to die?".
Surviving isn't wasting.

I've been trying to think of what I've achieved during lockdown (on top of working and home schooling and feeding everyone) and I've come up with: flossing my teeth more often than usual. That's it.

I worked as normal the whole way through, so nothing to waste.

It's been really bloody hard. Working FT from home was a hard adjustment but I managed, I'm also studying for a degree equivalent alongside my work which is difficult enough without adding in homeschooling.
I've managed to pass 4 exams in the last year, I'm just about coping with work, DDs education has suffered. I'm exhausted and miserable managed 2 weeks off work last year which I spent studying so not really a break. Everyone at work got a chance at fully paid furlough last year for at least a month, except for me.