Did you waste lockdown?

[SleepingStandingUp]

I feel like of someone said I'd have a year at home with my 3 kids, a long hot summer, that I'd make the most of it. That even with covid restrictions we'd have the BEST time and we'd make so much stuff and just laugh every day.

But it hasn't been like that. I'm constantly battling to not shout at DS who won't do his school work and Dbabies who pull hair and won't lie still for nappies and are so heavy it hurts my arms grappling with them.

My walls aren't festooned with art work and creations. When they're actually not needing me to intervene, remove one from somewhere too high or off atop of another or I'm not changing or feeding or schooling one, I feel like I can't move. I'm rooted to the spot, unable to create this amazing childhood.

But then how is that a suprise? I've never been the Mom I imagined, everyone imagined. DS was petrified of everything when he was tiny so we didn't do messy play and arts and all that and now with twins and homeschooling (our bubble burst Sunday) I just, can't, I feel so overwhelmed I don't know where to start.

They're so dangerous.

They eat anything, climb anything. I spend their days counting to nap1, policing their craziness before someone gets hurt, counting til DH finishes work, hiding to make dinner. Hiding eating chocolate when I'm already fat enough.

Why aren't we making dens whilst the babies sleep? Oh yes because I'm still bleating on about number lines and it'll make mess and it'll wake the babies of o go upstairs and they'll just roll all over them and add to my expanding washing pile.

No outside time, it's damp and windy and they won't stay in bouncers and they can't walk and it's too damp to crawl and they'll go on opposite directions and eat matching worms.

And I'm so tired because I can't sleep because I can't turn off my brain which whirls and twirls and screams and shouts. And if I do, someone will scream on their sleep or cry for a drink or a missing teddy so my brain stays on, knowing that there won't be peace.

So yeah, how was yours?

OP I’ve done lockdown with baby twins and can only imagine how hard adding an extra 3 year old in would be, twins are a full time job as it is! It sounds like you’ve done brilliantly. Den building and messy play are cherry on the top activities, you don’t have to do that stuff every day to be a good mum.

I couldn't have wasted lockdown because time wise I didn't have time to waste in the first place.

I work from home 9-5 4 days a week. The other day I go shopping, clean, do the laundry, read, watch TV, tidy up etc.

DD in Y8/9 was mostly able to do her schooling with minimal input.

Apart from horse riding all her activities moved to Zoom so in a way she was still equally busy.

Yes, on the weekends. we slumped a bit more as we couldn't go out to places but during the first lockdown it. wasn't too. bad thanks to the weather and we tackled a couple of garden stuff and life admin and the time we couldn't see friends outside was shorter. This time with winter we are struggling more but I can't think of things we suddenly should have discovered. It is more that we stay indoors and read or watch TV more.

A friend is the ultimate lockdown mother, despite working from home and supervising home schooling she is always about how interesting life is now, how much they are doing and creating. I actually feel for her children as it seems she is determind to show everyone how great life is in lockdown.

I objectively "acheived stuff" and have a nice instagram page but it still doesn't feel like enough...during the first lockdown I was so jealous of everyone who owned their own home to do up nicely/had a garden to put a paddling pool in...I think it threw up a lot of feelings I had about growing up "poor".

But on Instagram you'd see I finished uni, did a lot of baking with my DC, and went to the beach.

You’ve not been on a year long holiday, you’ve been living through a global pandemic. You’ve been trying to do all of the things you normally have to do but without schools, childcare or normal activities to go to. No wonder you’re too exhausted for “making memories”!

Give yourself a break. You’ve survived. That’s what matters.

Wasting lockdown is nonsense. We all got through it in ways we could. Yes, some did amazing work and projects, others cried into their wine and crap food at the end of a long stressful day.

It’s so hard with young children. Don’t dwell on it. Because it’s playing on your mind, I’m sure you’ll keep trying your best and it will get easier as they grow older.

I did well, tho live on my own with cat, started duolingo ( still going on year later), got bored and went back to work 3 months later.
For those of you with babies, partners at home, I admire you

I wanted to do so much inner world stuff. What I did was survive it through ridiculous and mentally crippling circumstances whilst working full time. And that is enough.

You write beautifully, OP.

This was not what anyone would have chosen and you and your children are still here. Life with small children is survival mode at the best of times.

My husband has told me I'm always standing in doorways because I just know that one child will want something the minute I think I can crack on with something else. It's not very restful when you can't start anything, however small, because you don't know if you'll get to finish it.

You're doing great .

@Earlybirdcatches

There’s not been a lot of joy for the past 12 months OP be kinder to yourself. Would putting the twins in nursery be an option? You need some time to yourself to recharge.

Not without a lottery win. I'd hoped multiples was a criteria for the free hours for 2s at nursery but it'll be no nursery for 22 months

@TeenMinusTests I'm sorry your daughter is having such a tough time, and condolences to other pp who have lost loved ones or having a hard time x

And hats off to anyone who's homeschooled and WFH simultaneously.

Objectively we (I) cleared two skips full of clutter and junk and general chaos and I feel like I sent so much stuff to the charity shop I could have opened my own. God help them when they reopen. My fat babies grow at the rate of your average baby giant so it's just full of clothes and about to get fuller!!

We've finally got the 5 yo toilet trained (mostly. For wee) due to medical needs.

But he hates homeschooling (stupid class bubble is currently popped. I turned down two days respite for him last week only for us to lose this week and half of next any way!!) and he hates school and his eating is awful which adds to the air of negative achievement.

Yes and no. I've been working v v part-time and been furloughed the rest.

During L1 I spent the whole time eating chocolate and drinking wine.
We got round to renovating some of our house. I did an online course. My relationship which was in trouble, healed. I spent lots of quality time with my DC.

L2 I was a bit healthier and started to get fitter. Did some more renovations. Did another course.

L3 - gone on a massive health and fitness bender and lost a stone. Doing another course. More home improvements. Taken good care of myself.

I could have done more, but have got some things achieved. I've used it more wisely than a lot of people.

That's great @BigBamboo, that's what I mean. You're in such a better place now than a year ago, I'm just fatter and sadder

I'm in the everyone fed camp. So much food to prepare...

Less fit and heavier than I was at new year due to lack of time in the daytime and the attempts at home "learning" Plus practical access to the osteopath/ sports massage and my body struggles in a few months.

I'm now stiff and sore from trying to get my body working again!

There's just no headspace, balance or variety and it's stiffling.

My children have grown and flown, I am retired.

I thank my lucky stars I'm not one of you mothers of young children. I used to struggle with 6 weeks in the summer!!

Hats off to you all

We did something on this during a mental health training session last week which I found really revealing. It was Maslow's heirarchy of needs and the basic explaination was that you could only reach the creative level once you have the basics covered, and this includes control etc. We aren't in a good place in terms of feeling safe and in control, even those of us lucky enough to have a secure job, so we cannot reach those higher levels. Worth a google if it might be useful to you.

Sleeping

I am lucky though. My DC are old enough to get their own act together and grab breakfast and lunch. I have been mostly furloughed and I have stuff in my house I can use to work out.

If my DC were small and I had to watch them 24/7 and work, I probably would have found a cliff to jump off.

@BigBamboo

Sleeping

I am lucky though. My DC are old enough to get their own act together and grab breakfast and lunch. I have been mostly furloughed and I have stuff in my house I can use to work out.

If my DC were small and I had to watch them 24/7 and work, I probably would have found a cliff to jump off.

Tbf I don't work, I know that should make me less complainy, I have friends working from home full time with two under 5s

I think you are beating yourself up unnecessarily.
We are nearly at the end of this and you and yours are in one piece. You feel crap today, but you’ve nearly made it. You will find you’ve leant something and your resilience is better.

One of my family members died of Covid snd a few more had a nasty dose. Still, the bastard thing didn’t break me, it just made me fiercer.

It’s like that movie The Poseidon. At the end when people emerge looking bewildered and bedraggled. That’s us, but we made it.

Not long now OP. Head down. Hold your nerve. Lots of loveX

Omg we watched that movie like a million times as a kid, the original. We could literally turn it on at any point and know what was happening 🤣🤣🤣 that ground hog day is actually also pretty apt.

I never watched the remake, I couldn't face it confusing me of they changed any scenes

People who are put under house arrest are traditionally pitied.
They aren't expected to leave the situation having perfected sourdough bread and learned two new languages.

I didn't waste it.

I've wfh all the way through, as has husband. Both in very stressful jobs. We haven't killed each other.

Homeschooled. Still bloody homeschooling cause I'm Scotland. Think they are both ok and I didn't kill them either.

Saved loads of money.

Sampled enough vodka and gin to have now settled on my favourite brands and cocktails.

I lost 4 stone.

I have also finally achieved a good skin care regime.

I am knackered, pissed off and want it to be bloody over.

Actually good point re money. Lockdown might just have broken me from my Starbucks addiction and my bank account is healthier than ever. With school runs and twins I know if Def have gone into town lots, mooched, brought food (as I did when it eased 😅) and spent money. So my bank account is healthier than it used to be bad I've actually got some savings (few hundred, no one get too excited) set aside.

There you go then OP. Some good stuff.

If you emerge in one piece with your MH intact, your job if you have one, and your marriage, I'd say that was a pretty successful lockdown TBH.

A very wise friend once told me that the definition of good parenting was that the dc are fed, clothed and feel loved.

Everyone has something they do on top of that - maybe it’s reading bedtime stories, or making up stories, or building forts, or making clothes, or throwing great parties, or baking, or having a good solid routine, or being spontaneous, or being able to sing.

But those are extras and when we judge ourselves by other peoples’ extra gifts, we do ourselves and other mums a disservice. They are lovely things to be admired but they aren’t important.

But the feeding, clothing and nurturing really matter. And they are relentless. It’s no small feat to keep those things going in normal times, never mind in a global health crisis. Keeping the house hygienic, keeping the laundry cycle moving, cajoling the picky eaters... it’s not nothing. You only have to think about the vast numbers of men who slink away from the daily grind to see that it’s not nothing, even when we’re socially gaslighted to believe we’re failing at motherhood.

You’re still here Op and doing great, even if you can’t quite see it.