Was Your Mother’s Day As You Expected?

[EternalOptimist7]

Sadly mine was, which was no interest at all from DD12. She did say “ Happy Mother’s Day “ but that was all. I used to get so much from her when she was younger. DH cooked tea, which was delicious, so that was something. I tried to avoid social media describing breakfasts in bed, champagne, bouquets of flowers, chocolates, takeaways & homemade cards.

I get a phone all from adult DS. I never get more than that as it’s my birthday around the same time and all effort is clearly devoted to my birthday. He doesn’t make the effort twice a month .
I’m happy with that. He’s appreciative and lovely throughout the year.

We're celebrating it a week late this year as 15yo dd always likes to make a fuss but was in the middle of her mocks. She is planning to bake and make an afternoon tea, as far as I'm aware.

It's a shame your dd didn't do much this year, but I wouldn't take it personally. Lots of kids are quite self absorbed at that age, and it really isn't a reflection of how much she cares or appreciates you.

I think the whole thing is a bit overrated tbh. It's nice to have a bit of a fuss made, but it's your relationship all year round that really matters.

Yeah got a lie, a few little presents and a drawing. Perfect

Mine went ok. What I hadn't expected was how my dad's death 3 months ago would hit me so hard.

Grovee so sorry for your loss 💐💐💐

Sorry I meant groovee!

Yeah it was and it was lovely. My first Mother's Day and DH arranged a personalised card with a gorgeous long message plus a present from our baby. It was thoughtful, kind and funny. I may have shed a happy tear.

The unexpected bit was 5 month old DS being an ANGEL all day; nothing but smiles and easy naps and gorgeous.

You mean not getting a minute's peace and seeing to everyone else's needs first before my own? Pretty much. Got chocolates and wine, wasn't too bad. And four homemade cards. Could have been worse.

Yes, I got a lovely homemade card, flowers, the kids dressed up and we had photos and ended the day watching a film. Dh cooked all meals and besides cleaning and dusting I had a pretty chilled out day.

I got nothing apart from a text from ds1 (student, lives with us).

Yes got breakfast in bed,dinner made and kids didnt fight [much]/

So i really enjoyed it.

I got the nothing I was expecting, but I'm fine with that

No. For the first time in living together/having children, my husband did sod all. Not even forgotten, for some reason thought I didn't want anything. I was so gobsmacked I didn't actually say anything (a tad hypocritical as I often tell others not to be a martyr). I think I thought he was joking about not helping the small children with a card, but nothing was forthcoming, not even when he started to think I may be upset.

I would add, I wasn't expecting more than a card, maybe a box of chocolates , but it's the fact that I do literally everything child related, all the home learning, all the ASD related appointments, make and keep all other child related appointments like dentist, sort the entire birthday/Christmas lists - and he couldn't even be arsed to find a £1 card and help the children write a simple, kind sentiment? Really don't know what got into him, I was and am very hurt at his thoughtless behaviour.

No point telling him now, too late to fix it and he has a crap tendency to make any hurt feelings I have about how bad that makes him feel (in the 'I dont want to feel horrible' way, not genuinely apologetic). I categorically will not be doing anything for fathers day, but will be kinder in warning him closer to the time rather than do what he did to me.

Yes I don’t go in for a big fuss so was quite happy with card and chocolates from each DD. Homemade card from DD14 which was unexpected.
That’s it really DH offered to cook dinner but he was chopping a load of wood so I said I didn’t mind.

Mine was a mix, I pre warned dp, that I would like an afternoon tea, which I was sure until the day I wasn't going to get.

In his defence, he's a good partner day to day (every morning a cup of tea in bed, a note left on the side weekly, works hard for us)

The morning, at some ungodly hour dp got up and made my DS write me a card and bring flowers.

Later in the day I asked about lunch and dp went out to buy some, not taking DS. Afternoon tea was largely a buffet with lots of meat (I try and eat as vegan as possible, which is unheard of in DP life) they made food together with lots of "DONT PUT THAT THERE" "Wash you HAAAANDS" "stop eating ALL the cheese"

It didn't exactly match my eating habits but they tried the best they could.. and I ate too much and got awfully bloated.

I picked a family friendly film which we all watched together.

It was all in all a good day with the effort they put in.

I sent cards from DS and I to a close family friend who treats us like family, who is going through a hard time. I was pleased to hear today that her actual grown up DS did bother with her, she deserves it, and I was so worried she would get nothing.

So, a good day for me and hopefully a good day for my friend, who isn't family but is as good as.

Hope everyone, if they had a good day or not, knows being a mum is frustrating, hard, and rewarding all in one, and there's many people in the world wishing those who haven't had such a positive experience a happy day.

Nope had to do a 12 hour shift at work.

Ds(14) had been reminded several times, dh had put money in his account so that he could get something. And on Saturday night confessed under pressure he hadn't done anything.
DH found him a generic card which he handed over on Sunday telling me that he'd 'tried to draw a flower but it hadn't come out very well as he was tired this morning'.
Reader, I lost my mind (politely), told ds that I didn't expect much, and if he had spent all his money then he could have spent time the night before drawing something, but to tell me that he just couldn't be bothered was a real insult and I was hurt. He spent the afternoon painting a beautiful flower picture which he then scrawled 'I'm sorry' on so I can't put it on the mantelpiece.

Brumboo I would still talk to your DH. My DH used to do the same i.e kind of guilt trip me about how HE felt when actually I was trying to express MY feelings. We went through a really shit few years & nearly split up & the guilt tripping definitely played a part. Your feelings are just as valid as his & hopefully you can sit him down & let him know that yesterday wasn’t good.

@EternalOptimist7

Brumboo I would still talk to your DH. My DH used to do the same i.e kind of guilt trip me about how HE felt when actually I was trying to express MY feelings. We went through a really shit few years & nearly split up & the guilt tripping definitely played a part. Your feelings are just as valid as his & hopefully you can sit him down & let him know that yesterday wasn’t good.

Yes, I think I may crack and have to tell him. What you've just said is very close to home though. It's a classic case with my husband where when things are great, you can't fault it but the bad could easily break us. There's the extra issue of me believing he also has autism, and as frustrating as it is he simply doesn't understand empathy at times. Everything is a personal criticism rather than someone telling him he's made a mistake and it's hurt, or made someone angry.

Anyway, that's going off tangent! Bugger Mothers Day, load of old nonsense anyway . Can't wait until I'm allowed booze again, then every day will be a chill mum day for me!

Yes my Mothers' Day was fantastic. Ds1 (18) had been thinking for 3 days what he would write in my card which was both sides telling me how much he appreciated all the things I do. Ds2 (15) his card was shorter but still lovely and he said all the right things.

I got lovely yellow daffodils, enough to fill 2 vases so I have them in the lounge and the dining room. I got a lovely brunch (afternoon tea) with finger sandwiches, a scone, jam and clotted cream all beautifully presented on a 2 tier cake stand plus a lovely pot of tea with new tea blends to try.

Dh is amazing, it is why I married him. He is kind and thoughtful and makes a huge effort. Our sons take after him. But he has known for a long time what my expectations are, literally an afternoon tea and some thought put into what the children write in the cards. He pays attention just like I know how to treat him too.

Neither of us have our Mums anymore so the day is just about me.

Mine was exactly as expected. Like any other day. My teens didn't realise or remember what day it was. My dh has never acknowledged Mother's Day or any occasion really. These 'commercial' dates aren't important to him so he doesn't see why he has to do anything. 'I'm not his mother'. He doesn't do anything for his own mum either

I must add, that teenagers aren't the best...
Xmas eve, my partner invited a young lad who wasn't doing anything with family over for Xmas (he works for DPs business)
Xmas eve he admitted he hadn't got anything for his mum, que us, finding gifts for him to wrap.
We helped him wrap up some random gift sets we had in the house.
The next day he sent us a message to say "thank you for saving Xmas"
The take home message I think, is teenagers do care, but sometimes they just need that someone or help to get it right.

He clearly cared that his mum wouldn't get anything, but wasn't mature enough to sort it himself.

Prehaps I'm wrong, but I would like to hope that at the very least my Ds would think, oh, shit, I didnt do what I was supposed to do!

Teenagers are tricky.

Yep it was wonderful. 5 years of infertility and ivf I woke up with my baby boy and some lovely thoughtful gifts and a card from him (with help from daddy!)

@MNerGoneRogueAgain

I got the nothing I was expecting, but I'm fine with that

Same here. Text from DD1, zilch from the others

Yes. Got wine and chocolates. Dh and I think it's a load of bollocks. One day of pampering doesn't make up for a miserable existence as a mum. Lockdown has made me aware of how I was self sacrificing and it's come to a stop.