Would you complain to the school if a child called your dd fat?

[LadyMacbeth789]

My dd is 8yrs. She has is very tall for her age. Dh is a GP and has assured me she isnt overweight, but a good weight for her height. I was saddened and angered when a yr6 boy called her a fat whale.
Would you complain to the school if you were me?

@Marble2302

As I said before, Dh is a GP who cares about his family's health. Dd is tall and athletic. The girls in her class are thin and willowy- she obviously looks big compared to them. Her sisters are very thin but she has a different build.

And I agree with @changingnames786- even if someone is overweight, name calling is not kind nor helpful. Im surprised you need to be told this @Marble2302

@Marble2302

Why would a child call another child a 'fat whale' if they are a good weight for their height? At 11 kids know what fat is, it's the parents who are in denial about the size of their kids.

Are you this kid's Mum?

@Sssloou

I'd personally tell my DD that perhaps the boy didn't realise how hurtful his words could be but its still not acceptable for anyone to speak to her like that.

Why would you tell her this lie?

She needs to be validated. A much older male bullying a younger girl is shocking. She has taken the trouble to tell you so it’s your responsibility to take the next steps - otherwise you are teaching her that in life when abuse happens she either shouldn’t speak up or that if she does there is no impact.

She can also be supported to be emotionally resilient as well - which is so that she can bounce back and speak out - not so that she is able to tolerate, to shut up and put up.

The school will want to know. This boy needs correction otherwise where does this go in the longer term.

I am sorry your daughter has been insulted.

@sssloou Why would you cherry pick this statement and then go on to basically repeat what I went on to say but with different wording?

And how is it a lie? Sometimes people don't realise the true extent of the hurt their words can cause. They just throw out insults. Being insulted can affect some people more than others (as we've seen by the comments here). No matter the intent, it's not acceptable.

@Marble2302

Why would a child call another child a 'fat whale' if they are a good weight for their height? At 11 kids know what fat is, it's the parents who are in denial about the size of their kids.

I’ve taught hundreds of Y6. Most are lovely, some really aren’t. Some will say something vile just for the banks lol.

Autocorrect.
For the bants.

Yes please report it. I was the same age when an older boy called me 'fucking fat'.

30+ years later and I've never forgotten it.

Sorry just to add - I was an overweight kid so quite sensitive to such remarks.

I'm sorry this happened to your daughter. It sounds like your daughter is a healthy weight so hopefully this comment won't stick with her.

But either way, I think you should report it because kids shouldn't get away with that type of behavior

Why would a child call another child a 'fat whale' if they are a good weight for their height? At 11 kids know what fat is, it's the parents who are in denial about the size of their kids
The same reason some men think it's acceptable to make comments about a woman being a slag, even if they know nothing of her sex life

The same reason some nasty groups of girls are unpleasant about whoever the latest scapegoat is.

The same reason that some boys decide they are going to taunt the boy who enjoys drama and call him gay or girly (even though there's nothing wrong with either).

The reason? Some people are just unpleasant and have nasty tendencies.

Unfortunately some people accept this behaviour in their children or minimise this behaviour so it's not a surprise that some adults are also unpleasant.

Its a case of big fish in a small pond as it is a tiny village school. Less than 40 pupils.

This is interesting because advocates of small schools usually go on about how well children of all ages get on; in a bigger school an 8 year old probably wouldn't even be on the radar of most year 6s.

When my DD was 4 a vile little boy in her class called her a fat f*•ker! A 4 year old😱

Why would a child call another child a 'fat whale' if they are a good weight for their height? At 11 kids know what fat is, it's the parents who are in denial about the size of their kids.'

My daughter has had this from one or 2 boys in her class in year 6.

Shes also tall (taller than some of the boys) and athletic. No way fat and gp has no concerns at all about weight (weighed for unrelated medical issue)

Boys can just be cruel. I've a lad myself of 21 and 2 other dds beside dd3 and each child has been picked on by other lads for height, weight (none of mine are fat 2 are slightly underweight go figure) teeth and ethnicity.

Also probably hear their fathers slagging off womens appearances knowing some of their families.

I overheard a 5 year old calling another one of his friends a dirty faggot in the playground at pick up once. Didnt get that one from watching cbeebies did he.

Why would a child call another child a 'fat whale' if they are a good weight for their height? At 11 kids know what fat is, it's the parents who are in denial about the size of their kids.

It doesn't make it an undisputed fact because a 10 year old said it. He is pointing out someone for being different to the norm which is unacceptable - as the op says she is tall (and a healthy weight verified by her GP DH) - this boy is seeing something slightly different and saying fat. It's not okay and I would let the school know in case this boy has a history of unkindness.

Not unless it's a cycle of bullying. Coping mechanisms would be better and good come backs - she's going to experience so much worse in adult life and at work and quite honestly HR are never interested.

Not unless it's a cycle of bullying. Coping mechanisms would be better and good come backs - she's going to experience so much worse in adult life and at work and quite honestly HR are never interested.

I think telling the school is more important for the benefit of the year 6 boy (and others around him) than the daughter tbh, he needs to be pulled up on it, that's why it shouldn't go ignored, not because it's going to change anything for the daughter.

She said he says mean things to everyone. Its a case of big fish in a small pond as it is a tiny village school. Less than 40 pupils.

How come he gets away with it? Has no one spoken to the school about him?

@changingnames786

Not unless it's a cycle of bullying. Coping mechanisms would be better and good come backs - she's going to experience so much worse in adult life and at work and quite honestly HR are never interested.

I think telling the school is more important for the benefit of the year 6 boy (and others around him) than the daughter tbh, he needs to be pulled up on it, that's why it shouldn't go ignored, not because it's going to change anything for the daughter.

I agree. It’s our responsibility as a society to nip bad behaviour in the bud so that kind and respectful behaviour is expected as the basic standard in schools and adulthood. This boy obviously has form and likely a back story - he is also in need of guidance of how to behave.

Additionally the qualifiers of the DD being of normal weight is irrelevant. If the DD was obese she also has every right to speak out and expect support when insulted and humiliated publicly.

Sorry - I don’t agree with the first paragraph......”come backs” should only be to request they stop as their behaviour is offensive to you.

And yes HR will be interested and take action in offensive behaviour.

Resilience is important and a large part of that is being informed, assertive and confident to access supportive systems rather than tolerate bad behaviour.

Thank you everyone,
I will write a letter and ask to be informed of how the school has dealt with the matter.

Dd says she was playing with her friend when he randomly called out to her.
She is a bit nervous of the repurcussions which breaks my heart. I will let the school know this as well.