Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Would you complain to the school if a child called your dd fat?

68 replies

LadyMacbeth789 · 12/03/2021 18:25

My dd is 8yrs. She has is very tall for her age. Dh is a GP and has assured me she isnt overweight, but a good weight for her height. I was saddened and angered when a yr6 boy called her a fat whale.
Would you complain to the school if you were me?

OP posts:

waltzingparrot · 12/03/2021 19:06

How is the boy to know remarks like that are neither acceptable or going to be tolerated if no one pulls him up on it? I'd expect the teacher to have a word with him.

lljkk · 12/03/2021 19:08

It depends entirely how my DD felt about it.

tbh, my DD had a venomous tongue from 9yrs old & would have put the lad in an emotionally lacerated box for his efforts.

FTMF30 · 12/03/2021 19:26

@Just4thisone

I would not if it was me . I would tell my dd that she's not over weight and tell her how lovely she is. And say the boy is just being stupid not to listen to him.

This whole "ignore him" and "don't listen to him" is not helpful to young girls. They should feel empowered when they communicate something unpleasant (or worse) has happened to them and that, where appropriate, something will be fone about it. Not that the onus is on them to essentially be the better person.

I'd personally tell my DD that perhaps the boy didn't realise how hurtful his words could be but its still not acceptable for anyone to speak to her like that. Id let her know that I'd have a quiet word with the teacher.

Sssloou · 12/03/2021 19:42

I'd personally tell my DD that perhaps the boy didn't realise how hurtful his words could be but its still not acceptable for anyone to speak to her like that.

Why would you tell her this lie?

She needs to be validated. A much older male bullying a younger girl is shocking. She has taken the trouble to tell you so it’s your responsibility to take the next steps - otherwise you are teaching her that in life when abuse happens she either shouldn’t speak up or that if she does there is no impact.

She can also be supported to be emotionally resilient as well - which is so that she can bounce back and speak out - not so that she is able to tolerate, to shut up and put up.

The school will want to know. This boy needs correction otherwise where does this go in the longer term.

I am sorry your daughter has been insulted.

Iloveacurry · 12/03/2021 19:44

Yes as it’s a Y6, who’s 10-11 years old. He will know right from wrong.

honeybeetheoneandonly · 12/03/2021 20:06

I wouldn't for a one off but I would have the discussion with my DC about how kids can be cruel and happily make fun of anything. If it's not your weight, it's wearing glasses or dressing funny or being funny or not being funny enough etc. Some kids lash out when they are unhappy or maybe they are just mean. It's a balancing act to ensure your kids are resilient to everyday stupidities and knowing when to escalate serious issues.

theMoJareajoke · 12/03/2021 20:07

Yes

Nobody should be allowed to shame anybody about their body.

Tickledtrout · 12/03/2021 20:12

Definitely talk to school. Boys of that age are learning what's tolerated by others. He needs to understand that it's not acceptable to comment on a girl's appearance. He's doing it to humiliate her.

Oversize · 12/03/2021 20:19

Actually I've changed my mind after hearing from a reliable teenager that in response to another teenager posting a happy women's day pic, a boy posted - I will rape you. I will be taking it further but these arseholes all start somewhere don't they. Time to learn that actions have consequences.
I'm glad you're speaking with the school.

IHaveBrilloHair · 12/03/2021 20:22

No.

icelollycraving · 12/03/2021 20:26

I wouldn’t for a one off but if it continued I would.

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 12/03/2021 20:26

Hi OP I'm sorry that boy has been so horrible and is agree you should mention it to school. Who knows how often he talks to other kids, sorry younger girls, like this?

This is very interesting as it's almost a cross roads moment. We can either as others have said brush it off and allow OPs daughter to feel shit and this boy to think this behaviour is ok. And he'll continue. There's then a real possibility he grows into a young man who thinks disrespect to women will be tolerated. This week of all weeks after IWD and the awful news about Sarah Everard. There an active thread right now where posters are talking about how we can change how men behave towards women. This feels like one of those flash points.

Plus, it's much easier to have these casual chats with school at Primary age, it can be "Hi Miss/Mr can I have a quick word?" at pick up. Nipped in the bud. Job done and DD sees you have her back.

LolaSmiles · 12/03/2021 20:27

I wouldn't speak to school if it was a one off from someone in his class because I think it's important to differentiate between the fact that sometimes people say unkind things and bullying.

Because the child is in Year 6 then I would speak to the school because there's a nasty power dynamic that comes from a much older child being deliberately unpleasant to a younger child, who I presume they don't know that well and aren't usually friendly with.

Mrstwiddle · 12/03/2021 20:28

Yes, definitely. I had all sorts of name calling from boys at the same age (rough school in Glasgow!) and it has remained with me to this day, now in 40s.

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 12/03/2021 20:31

Lola has made a good point about the power dynamic here.

blue25 · 12/03/2021 20:32

Let the school know, but don’’t make an over dramatic complaint about it.

BackforGood · 12/03/2021 20:33

There's a two part approach here. Tell the school and teach her resilience. Cover both sides.

This ^

I would have the discussion with my DC about how kids can be cruel and happily make fun of anything. If it's not your weight, it's wearing glasses or dressing funny or being funny or not being funny enough etc. Some kids lash out when they are unhappy or maybe they are just mean. It's a balancing act to ensure your kids are resilient to everyday stupidities and knowing when to escalate serious issues.

This ^

Littleroundsponge · 12/03/2021 20:35

Yes, without a doubt!

Redburnett · 12/03/2021 20:36

No.

changingnames786 · 12/03/2021 20:36

I would tell the school, if I was the parent of the year 6 boy I would either want to know or even if I wasn't allowed to be told I would like to think my sons would be pulled up on that kind of behaviour by a teacher, that's not acceptable.

Figgyboa · 12/03/2021 20:40

No, I wouldn't for a one off comment

Marble2302 · 12/03/2021 21:01

Why would a child call another child a 'fat whale' if they are a good weight for their height? At 11 kids know what fat is, it's the parents who are in denial about the size of their kids.

changingnames786 · 12/03/2021 21:05

@Marble2302 would it be acceptable even if the child was overweight?

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 12/03/2021 21:10

I wouldn't worry. They'll eat him alive at secondary school. What goes around, comes around.

Nohomemadecandles · 12/03/2021 21:11

@marble2302 yeah it's the girl's parent's fault that boy is rude and has no boundaries or respect or empathy. And we wonder why we are where we are....

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread