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Original poster

Is Mother’s Day about you as a Mother or your Mother

41 replies

merrygoround88 · 10/03/2021 23:57

I’ve always made it about my DM - bring her out for lunch and afterwards for some drinks. What do you do, spend it with your children or your mother

OP posts:
nimbuscloud · 11/03/2021 00:00

My own mother died years before I became a mother. My children spend the day with me but we have always made sure that dh’s mum is part of the day too.

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/03/2021 00:01

Both. This year we’re going to hers for lunch and taking half the meal, her favourite thing will be time with my DD Smile

Original poster
merrygoround88 · 11/03/2021 00:02

I’m sorry to hear that @nimbuscloud, I am sure it’s a day of miser feelings for you

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Original poster
merrygoround88 · 11/03/2021 00:04

Mixed feelings, not miser

OP posts:
Corcra · 11/03/2021 00:06

Sorry to hear that nimbuscloud.
It’s all about my mother. I always bring her out and make a fuss.
I’m not bothered about it.

dripfeeder · 11/03/2021 00:13

It was about my mother until I became a mother myself. I will send flowers and chocolate to my dm this year. DH would probably get me flowers and a present on behalf of my toddler, I do the same for Father's Day. If it weren't for covid, I would have breakfast with DH and toddler and then go out to my dm and take her out for lunch and come back home where DH would order a take out or cook for me.
Mil's Mother's Day is the US one where me and DH would organise flower delivery for her abroad.

Shinyletsbebadguys · 11/03/2021 00:14

We vaguely have the rule that those in active parenting focus on their immediate nuclear family but we always obviously mark it for DM and DP mum. My dsis in fairness used to spend the day with DM due to hers being older teens and an adult . Ita a bit odd I suppose because it doesn't make full sense and honestly we are quite dysfunctional. Basically though if your dc are under 12 in my family you stay at home and the focus is on you as a mother (with cards and present sent to my DM) , any older and you are expected at DM.

We do all have remarkably complex and passive aggressive relationships though so not sure id ever suggest all that as a blueprint.

Ilovemaisie · 11/03/2021 00:15

Well I live with my daughter not with my mum. My mum lives too far away for us to visit for just a day (even in non covid times). So no - I don't spend the day with my Mum.
I should imagine that's fairly common for many people. So many people live far away from their Mum.

Ilovemaisie · 11/03/2021 00:20

If I lived closer though I probably would go round to my Mum - but I would take my daughter so I would be getting a Mother's Day treat too. It's would be about both mums (my mum and me - my daughter's mum)

HirplesWithHaggis · 11/03/2021 00:20

This year, it's about elderly mum and MIL (for the latter, it might be her last) and the two amazing women who recently gave birth to my grand daughters. When my kids were small, I got the cards and bunches of daffies, and Mum and MIL got the formal bouquets.

TalktotheFoot · 11/03/2021 00:32

@nimbuscloud

My own mother died years before I became a mother. My children spend the day with me but we have always made sure that dh’s mum is part of the day too.
Very similar here, although my dc are adult now.
MazDazzle · 11/03/2021 00:37

Both.

I give a gift and card to both my M & MIL.

My kids make cards for me and make me breakfast in bed.

namechangefail2020 · 11/03/2021 00:40

Nuclear family?🤣 never heard that before but sounds a bit too serious

user1471448866 · 11/03/2021 00:49

Absolutely love Mother’s Day - my favourite day of the year - accept this is very bizarre ! But not because I expect to be the centre of it. Have lovely memories of buying my Nan ‘beautiful ‘ perfume and flowers and have kept every card my dd has ever made for me. This will be the second year when we have not been able to do an afternoon tea for all the women in our family - mums or not it’s really just a thing for us all to celebrate being part of a really close group of women and I really miss it. I entirely understand though that this is a terribly painful day for so many so will not be posting anything on Facebook and I know it sounds trite and overly emotional but I will say a prayer for everyone who is thinking of their absent mum

TravelDreamLife · 11/03/2021 00:50

I get about 5 minutes of 'me' on mother's day. Then it's thanks kids & rushing to get everyone ready so we can go visit my DM in the morning & DH's in the afternoon. It's really annoying and I'd love just once for it to be for me. But, if we tried, both will remind us all year. Worst part is when visiting I have to hear all about what fantastic things our siblings, who get away with a five min phone call, are doing/getting for mother's day.

GrimDamnFanjo · 11/03/2021 00:55

It's mostly about my mother.

MrsEricBana · 11/03/2021 01:12

@namechangefail2020

Nuclear family?🤣 never heard that before but sounds a bit too serious
Really?!
DustyMaiden · 11/03/2021 01:15

It was always about MIL as DH is an only child. My DM and MlL are now no longer with us.

Bluntasduck · 11/03/2021 01:16

It's about me. I'm NC with my own Mother

Mrstumbletap · 11/03/2021 01:33

My mum died about 6 years ago, so it's about me and my MIL.

activitythree · 11/03/2021 09:52

It's not really either. The kids will give me a card, gift, maybe breakfast in bed and then we all just carry on with our day. There is no big deal.

I'm NC with my mother.

1990shopefulftm · 11/03/2021 09:54

It's my first mother's day so I d say both

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 11/03/2021 10:00

Usually it's about my daughter's birthday!

It's never been a big thing in either family really. We do presents and cards (often by post). Sometimes take advantage of cheaper days out for DDs birthday. Last year my DMhelped DDs get me presents and cards as DH was away (and he also got me a present from the girls, but hadn't told them!)

hellswelshy · 11/03/2021 10:13

My DM died many years ago, so it's about me and dmil. It's bitter sweet to me, as I feel so sad my DM didn't get to see my DC. I try very hard not to feel resentful of my DMIL and not to imagine how my DM would have been part of our lives. But on the bright side I have a wonderful DH and he and my DC make a fuss of me so I am thankful for that Smile

Chewbecca · 11/03/2021 10:22

Both but just me this year as won’t be seeing my mum due to Covid Sad