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Original poster

School called me about ds’s behaviour

47 replies

Veuvestar · 09/03/2021 15:41

It must have been bad for them to call me
He lasted 2 lessons, one of which was PE.
I was so happy for him finally to be going back
I can’t deal with this

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 09/03/2021 15:42

I'm sorry. How old is he?

Original poster
Veuvestar · 09/03/2021 15:44

13
The last thing I said to him was promise me you will try your best to behave

OP posts:
nimbuscloud · 09/03/2021 15:45

Has he had issues in school before ?

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General education
MamaMeAh · 09/03/2021 15:48

Is his behaviour usually poor, it's this out of character for him?

Original poster
Veuvestar · 09/03/2021 15:55

I don’t know where to start

We’re waiting for diagnosis, I suspect he’s on the spectrum with PDA.
Dyslexia was diagnosed early year 7
But he’s never been badly behaved or rude, insolent in school. To me he can be horrible.
He’s been unbearable at homeschool but we got through it
He just hasn’t settled in high school
The school has been ok so far, but they won’t put up with bad behaviour. He’s on an academic scholarship

OP posts:
LostForWords2021 · 09/03/2021 16:02

He most probably has tried his best to behave. The school environment can be very over whelming especially after such a long time in his safe, home environment.

What are the school doing to support him, is senco involved, does he have an invisible passport detailing his needs to the teachers.

The big difference to being able to hold it together in primary to senior school is routine, same classroom, same teacher, same set of rules which all goes out if the window in senior school.

I wonder if he would suit a staggered return, shorter days, early finish for a while?

My daughter was diagnosed at 15. You have my full sympathy, it is a tough road Flowers

Original poster
Veuvestar · 09/03/2021 16:10

Diagnosed with pda?

OP posts:
MamaMeAh · 09/03/2021 16:14

I too think that a staggered return may be beneficial. Set him up to succeed not to fail
Two lessons may have been his limit

Nith · 09/03/2021 16:14

Has he got an EHCP? If not, it sounds as if you need to apply for one.

NailsNeedDoing · 09/03/2021 16:19

What did he actually do?

WombatWomb · 09/03/2021 16:36

What was the reason they sent him home?

Blacktothepink · 09/03/2021 16:40

Perhaps it’s the wrong school for him.

Original poster
Veuvestar · 09/03/2021 17:19

They didn’t send him home, I meant he lasted 2 lessons before he behaved badly.

So it would seem this new teacher described him to me as rude and insolent and he thinks he asked lots of questions and he just didn’t write something she asked them to write, but he copied it from friend and he did it.
He’s been in tears
Said she threatened everyone with a phone call home, no warnings. Another kid got sent out, for not writing exactly what she said, he has severe dyslexia.

OP posts:
MotherOfGremlins · 09/03/2021 17:22

Rude and insolent?

Bollocks to that - if it's PDA, then it's panic and self defence.

I don't know where you are, but are his needs documented? Children do well when they can, and school needs to do better.

Comefromaway · 09/03/2021 17:26

It doesn’t sound the right school for him. No matter what their results nothing is worth this.

My son got kicked out of an academically selective private school when he was 13. He has asd and PDA (but we, too we’re awaiting assessment). School wouldn’t implement the Ed psychs suggestions.

Things weren’t perfect at his new school but they had a great Sen policy, unfortunately they were lacking in resources & staff but ultimately they did their best for him and understood he had to do things differently. Simple things like how someone with asd is being factual, not rude and understanding the adrenaline rush with demand avoidance.

He’s now at college and thriving.

Twixmas · 09/03/2021 17:29

As I understand it behaviour in secondaries was poor last year before the xmas lockdown because you have more kids who have been without adult supervision for weeks and weeks over spring and summer, getting into bad habits without being pulled up on behaviour, added to which online snarking and bullying without pause, 24/7 no putting phones away during school hours and some otherwise neurotypical hormonal teenage kids whove just gone a bit feral... what I'm suggesting is that the class environment might have been more stressful amd unpredictable than usual, triggering him to behave in an unpredictable way. Very normal with children on the spectrum, my sons been in similar situations where its not being able to contain himself as opposed to not caring. I agree do what you can to hasten a diagnosis, the school should help really. Somethings not right. Its hard on these kids, you and your son do have my sympathy. Give him a big hug. Flowers

Original poster
Veuvestar · 09/03/2021 18:02

They have a support plan in place, but I feel like the teachers just don’t really understand what the issues are.
He doesn’t have an EHCP, I thought that’s what I was working towards with the assessment?
It’s a private school, so special needs provision is not that great and also doesn’t seem to follow normal route

OP posts:
lljkk · 09/03/2021 18:05

Did they send him home or just notify you (which is pointless I know, but they seem to like to do that)

Fembot123 · 09/03/2021 18:10

NT year 11’s managed to get sent out on their first day back so he’s not alone.

LIZS · 09/03/2021 18:16

Trying to behave is too vague. Does he understand what is required? Targets need to be specific ie. be on time for each lesson, not backchat, not disturb others, wait turn to ask a question etc. If he is bright why copy others' work. If he did not understand did he ask politely, should instructions be written down for him to follow as part of his support strategy. Keeping a scholarship is often dependant on attitude as much as attainment.

Original poster
Veuvestar · 09/03/2021 18:26

I was more specific than that LIZS, it’s just a tendency to be silly and act like the class clown that I was warning him about.
He didn’t copy someone’s work, he didn’t write down what the teacher had told them to, so his classmate offered her book for him to copy.
He has attention problems, processing issues, writing issues, they are supposed to make sure he has understood properly and given extra time to get it down, not told off for it

OP posts:
LIZS · 09/03/2021 18:27

Perhaps the senco needs to remind teaching staff of the plan. However longer term he needs to develop coping strategies. What learning support can he access?

Original poster
Veuvestar · 09/03/2021 18:28

This teacher hasn’t taught him before, she’s been a fill in form tutor for a couple of weeks last year, so she knows him, but hasn’t taught him.
She’s been copied in on recent assessment details so she should be aware.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 09/03/2021 18:29

Does the new teacher know of his issues?

Original poster
Veuvestar · 09/03/2021 18:35

I would hope so if he’s in her form!
I’ve personally copied her in on some stuff in the last few weeks
I did mention it when she called, but not in a ‘do you know he has special needs?’ way!
Just, ‘hopefully we’ll get to the bottom of his special needs with an official diagnosis’ way

OP posts:
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