Last fucking straw

[sarahC40]

Handhold please and advice (on how not to utterly lose my shit or get arrested for this). It’s not been a great lockdown.

Saving Grace: my garden. Lovely tree, probably in the wrong place but predates the houses, was cut down without warning, so that my view, which was of said lovely tree, is now of the back of someone’s house. They have now closed all of their blinds because, yes, we are now overlooking each other.

The tree is in no man’s land between the gardens - it doesn’t belong to them. They’ve got down everything that overhung my garden (my son woke up to find men climbing over my fence and most of tree gone) and they’ve left a twenty foot high stump. My other neighbours were open mouthed in shock, so this isn’t just me sounding off; it’s horrendous.

I know there’s nothing that I can do, but I would like some vengeful suggestions that I won’t act on but will help me as I try to stop crying at the fucking awful sight of their fugly house.

@EvilPea

If you go for the right species tree the birds will eat the berries and shit bright coloured acidic shit all over her house and car, which sounds like it will bother her more than you.

Rowen trees have nice berries- don't get massive, also widely available.

However if it's berries that create "interesting " bird poo, Elder is a good one. It's more of a big bush than a tree - impossible to kill ime, pretty scented white flowers (elderflower champagne) followed by dark purple berries. Mil's neighbour had one which overhung mils patio- which was covered in purple bird poo every year. No amount of cutting it back got rid of it either!

You need to put something appropriately awful in your garden to make them wish they hadn't ruined the view!

Yes get a massive tatty old trampoline, and an old sofa!

Ash grows really quickly. I’ve had a couple self seed. Why not plant a silver birch in the no mans land and another ash in your own garden. It will shoot up and be beautiful .

Don’t be sad.

Get a Eucalyptus, they grow fast!

I wouldnt plant ash. With ash dieback spreading across the country it'll be dead in a few years. Silver birch is a good one - fast growing and good for wildlife. Or a bird cherry maybe?

You need to put a big trampoline or playhouse that overlooks their house in your garden. Once lockdown is over, invite all the hyper neighbour kids round to play, especially the obnoxious types who’ll stare in their windows.

A big fuck off annoying security light that accidentally shines in their direction should also do the job.

JFC, eucalyptus isn't an appropriate tree for a domestic garden!

Erect a HUGE above your fence, facing into her windows:

"WHY ARE YOU SUCH A C*NT?"

Then plant trees behind it

*HUGE sign

But OP I am with you. I hate trees being cut down. We are mere custodians as a previous poster said. My neighbours have done it a few times and I have felt grief over it.

That’s so horrible. Nesting season too.

How can anyone cut down a tree that isn’t on their property? That can’t be right and it would serve her right to get in trouble.

The tree surgeons must be very dodgy. This has litigation written all over it. I would do everything in my power to get the neighbours in trouble, and I would give them the finger every time I saw them.

Paint the back of your house fuschia pink or get this guy round to ‘landscape’ www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/man-crafts-huge-18ft-penis-7399184.amp

Sneak into her garden at night and plant bamboo and Russian vine everywhere.

I used to have a neighbour who was both nasty and stupid. She cut down the most beautiful flowering cherry tree which was dropping in both our gardens. It also hid an ugly fence. When I asked her why she said the blossoms ‘stank’.

As a lesson to me for asking her not to cut the tree, which looked almost like a holy object, she started to Chuck her rubbish over her fence to my garden.

There is no hope for some people. Luckily she moved and we now have lovely neighbours.

OP Sorry if I am repeating any earlier information, but if there were any birdss nesting in that tree your new neighbour and the people acting for her might well have committed an offence. See here:

www.rspb.org.uk/birds-and-wildlife/advice/gardening-for-wildlife/plants-for-wildlife/garden-hedges/hedge-law/

The fact that it wasn't taken down when the houses were built suggests a tree preservation order? Definitely look into it.

@EvilPea

I have this odd thought about our gardens that they don’t really belong to us, that we are merely custodians for the local wildlife.

What a lovely sentiment @EvilPea

Our flat overlooks some beautiful old trees on communal gardens and there's something about them that's so calming.

@sarahC40

That is appalling.

Fucking bastards.

I love trees, and when the council cut one down outside our house, I cried.

I loved it. Luckily they planted one in it's place, and it needed a bit of TLC in the form of watering, and I sneaked it some plant feed, too while it was a baby.

Nothing constructive to add.. but what a bunch of bastards!

Oh and according to DEFRA the silly buggers have broken the rules, as DEFRA state NO cutting trees or hedges from 1st March to 1st September without permission. So they might find a fine heading their way

I did not know this was a thing and am currently in the process of trying to get a tree surgeon to come and help with the many many large trees in our new garden (not chopping down, love them, but know from neighbours that the last owners did not get them maintained so they need some love!). THIS is probably why they're not returning my calls, right?! :S

@sarahC40

You asked ''Is Arson frowned upon''

YES, it is a really severe crime. Please don't do anything rash like that.

Fire gets out of hand really fast
, and they will check for accelerants {?} as fires don't just start for no reason.

I understand your utter anger...Just no arson. Ever.

I would get a cherry tree. An actual fruiting one.
Doesn't grow too big and very leafy in summer, plus cherries.
It is bare in winter though.

Make a huge sign that says Tree Murdering Bastards’ and place it strategically in your garden facing their house.