I'm (reasonably) intelligent but I don't come across that way

[aspringdaffodil]

I come across as so ditsy sometimes, especially at work. I will completely forget things that I know that I know, I think from nerves. I understand things intellectually and can write eloquently when I need to, but when it comes to verbally explaining things or applying my knowledge in the real-world my knowledge just seems to fade away and become inaccessible. As a result I feel ditsy and like an imposter until I've had time to go away on my own and think things through.

My teachers at school and lecturers at university were always surprised with the grades I would receive as I don't come across as particularly academic or intelligent in conversation.

Does anyone else experience this? I find it really frustrating as I know I'm not showing and living up to my potential.

You might have a developmental disorder possibly?

I have adhd and possibly some other issues with processing & working memory. Super-bright tho but can struggle in conversation when flustered. 😁

Do you do ditsy things to reinforce how you feel about yourself/others see you? I have a colleague who (when we could actually see each other) was like this - her desk was covered with gonks and postcards: the “you don’t have to be mad to work here but it helps” type thing and she was always a bit off with personal styling, hard to explain but often a bit overdressed or eveningy rather than the boring old office stuff. But it turns out she’s ferociously clever and exceptionally good at her job, somehow though it didn’t come over

You need to adjust how you project yourself. Colleagues in serious jobs don’t want ditsy. Sorry to be blunt, but that’s the answer. Maybe pause before you speak, to collect your thoughts?

I can be like this. I try to really consciously speak clearly and succinctly and know when to stop talking. Also really pause before speaking to allow time to think about what to say. It's a real skill
!

I feel the same as you. I find myself not being able to explain things properly, and saying ‘do you know what I mean?’ a lot, because honestly sometimes even I don’t know. I come across extremely professional in writing, but when people meet or speak to me they must think I have a ghost writer for my emails.

I then end up overthinking how I have just presented myself, nerves kick in and I end up sounding even more stupid.

It has become more prevalent in my current job which is all about policy/guidance/legal terminology and to me it’s very abstract and sometimes illogical. I felt a lot more comfortable when I worked in a construction related office role, because I would be discussing physical things.

I used to be a bit like that and it was due to inconfidence. I always felt like I sounded unclear and flustered but I am much better now. One thing I realised is that I was better with preparation, so I'd always have notes with me. If someone asked me something, I'd ask them to hang on a sec and pull out my notebook or a word doc with bullet points or short notes and that helped me stay on course. Over the years my confidence improved - a case of fake it until you make it, I suppose. I don't need the notes now, but if I don't know or can't remember something accurately, I always, say so and refer to my notebook, calendar etc.

I agree it could be a condition - something like ADHD maybe? Or it could be imposter syndrome. Were your lecturers really surprised? Or is it possible they were saying 'I am surprised you didn't talk about this' when they meant 'wow this is excellent; please talk more'?

I'm really ditsy in certain situations and I know how I come across. It is a bit humiliating. But then, I figure, it doesn't actually matter if your average person in the street assumes I'm not very capable/bright. It's very different if it's at work. Do your line managers reflect what you say? If they do, can you possible say work best when you have time to think? Or can you engineer situations so you reply in writing?

I have terrible anxiety and experience this. I used to be equally confident with written/in person interaction but it’s very different now.

I have this and its defo imposter syndrome. Its like I deep down dont believe im good enough for the professional role im in, and that plays out when talking to people.

I am quite often ditsy about things. I am clueless on modern culture so often look blank when someone is talking.
I forget everything I don’t write down and I can never remember long words or acryonms.
I am however, bloody good at my job.

I acknowledge these things about me, how I learn, who I am and my colleagues respect that. The I try and use it to my advantage. For example the acryonm/long words mean I always explain things so that my audience can understand. I always have a pen and paper and I look like I’m properly listening when someone tells me something (because I am). I know I put my thoughts across better in email than person. For me ItMs having self knowledge and accepting it.

Love island.. that’s a step too far.

ADHD does that to you - very bad short term memory (think forgetting the start of a question you are asked because it is too long) and difficulties with finding words (occasionally I am happy if I find the right semantic field).
Until my DC were diagnosed I thought I was just a generally character deficient person. Since their diagnosis I adopted a lot of the strategies they had to learn in order to cope with their brains.
And occasionally I am sad when I think how things might have turned out for me, if I had the help my DC got.

I think we all need to be more open to what being professional should look like . I have to remind myself that if I really believe talent from all types of people should be rewarded in the work place then we can't continue to just have institutions full of clones. I think you have to be yourself but just be more confident in your abilities.

Yes, I'm exactly like this, I have issues with executive function/processing. I have a DS with asd/dyspraxia so I probably am dyspraxic/mild asd myself.

Is this real feedback or what you believe? Have you asked a colleague / manager around this topic?

It’s ok to have a different style - I have known people at work like PP mentioned using a notebook more, asking for time to reflect “great question let me collect my thoughts in response...” or “great question, I would prefer to sit and consider this one a while and can get back to you later this afternoon”

Do you give yourself enough prep time? There are several men at work that I thought were excellent “off the cuff” speakers which when I discussed with them they actually spent time before all meetings writing out some potential questions and talking points

Finally - your story is your story - it doesn’t have to be the same the whole of your life, think about what you are telling yourself

@SarahAndQuack

I agree it could be a condition - something like ADHD maybe? Or it could be imposter syndrome. Were your lecturers really surprised? Or is it possible they were saying 'I am surprised you didn't talk about this' when they meant 'wow this is excellent; please talk more'?

I'm really ditsy in certain situations and I know how I come across. It is a bit humiliating. But then, I figure, it doesn't actually matter if your average person in the street assumes I'm not very capable/bright. It's very different if it's at work. Do your line managers reflect what you say? If they do, can you possible say work best when you have time to think? Or can you engineer situations so you reply in writing?

Yes, I often say, when a normally very silent student gets an excellent grade, that I wish they would raise some of these points in a seminar. It doesn’t mean I’m surprised they’re intelligent, only that I have no way of knowing they’re thinking such interesting things if they never say so, and that it would be great to have them in play in a class.

Does it matter? It is nice that people are all different. Only if you feel it is genuinely holding you back does it matter.

One tip I use more and more is don't bother saying much, I let my work speak for itself, I am lucky to work somewhere where that is possible. Most of the time no one is listening anyway so that could work for you.

This is exactly me OP, when I am put on the spot I lose all ability to access my knowledge and sound like an idiot!

@ChameleonClara

Does it matter? It is nice that people are all different. Only if you feel it is genuinely holding you back does it matter.

One tip I use more and more is don't bother saying much, I let my work speak for itself, I am lucky to work somewhere where that is possible. Most of the time no one is listening anyway so that could work for you.

If the OP is in the type of role where she is expected to present, take part in meetings, talk to clients, explain complex work to colleagues, etc then yes, it matters and she needs to work on the manner in which she projects herself.

Even if she were not, I’m a bit iffy about the ‘don’t bother saying much’ advice. The way to be overlooked is to not say much and disappear into the background. You wouldn’t find many men using that strategy!

@Iamthewombat

I'm not being overlooked, I can assure you. But as I said, I am lucky to work somewhere where my work can do the talking.

That is why I asked the OP if it mattered.

I personally find it qute old-fashioned to try to copy traditional male office behaviour, but again I say - I am lucky in my field this is not favoured widely.

I used to feel like this so much. I was diagnosed with asd last year and everything slotted into place. I take meds to manage the anxiety and I now have support in place at work. I've been very open about my diagnosis and I'm now working really, really well.

It's not unknown.

I score highly on IQ tests but surprised everyone with a very decent degree. I'd never challenge the raised eyebrows, but no one could understand how. I'm very fluffy.

My parents were once called into school after IQ tests on my sister. She'd scored the highest they had measured and they wanted to know why! She's ditsy.

I think intellectual intelligence doesn't always translate the way people expect.

I personally find it qute old-fashioned to try to copy traditional male office behaviour, but again I say - I am lucky in my field this is not favoured widely.

I didn’t suggest that the OP copies male behaviour. You must know that in most cases sitting quietly behind your desk, capably getting on with it and never attracting attention isn’t the way to progress in your career, irrespective of the culture of your own workplace.

That is why the ‘don’t say much’ advice wouldn’t be offered by a man to another man in the OP’s situation. Men don’t tend to favour the ‘stay below the radar like a good boy’ strategy for professional roles, because they know that it doesn’t get results.

If the OP is at all ambitious, she needs to manage the impression she gives.

I am the same. I am quite academic, well read and I write well. But as soon as it comes to talking I lose the plot. I quite often have meetings at work where I try to make a point and then just stare at a sea of blank faces. I am awful at job interviews and I always die a little inside when I have to make small talk with the neighbours as I feel like I come across as a blustering fool.

You must know that in most cases sitting quietly behind your desk, capably getting on with it and never attracting attention isn’t the way to progress in your career you're overstaing my meaning, so what you decribe is nothing like the way I personally operate.

I have colleagues who are very keen to push themselves forwards a lot. They get nowhere but do a lot more extra work.

I think it is about choosing when and how.

@purplebagladylovesgin

It's not unknown.

I score highly on IQ tests but surprised everyone with a very decent degree. I'd never challenge the raised eyebrows, but no one could understand how. I'm very fluffy.

My parents were once called into school after IQ tests on my sister. She'd scored the highest they had measured and they wanted to know why! She's ditsy.

I think intellectual intelligence doesn't always translate the way people expect.

I think I'd be wondering in this situation why someone was going to so much trouble to conceal their intelligence from being discernible by others.