I am unbelievably lazy. Please help.

[Winterplant]

I am so lazy.

All the time.

I work from home mostly. I have a computer set up from a table, we were not given laptops. I spend 90% of my working day under the duvet in bed watching YouTube or on mumsnet or other sites. Not even sitting up, but lying down. I get so tired from sitting at my desk even only for a short period.

When I am in the office I obviously have to sit at my desk but every 10 minutes or so I look at the news or Instagram.

I cook home cooked meals daily (only quick things that take under half an hour usually) but after I've eaten I just want to go back in bed and go on my laptop and phone.

The flat is tidy but not clean. I can't summon the energy to clean the bathroom more often than on a monthly basis or so. My partner does the washing up daily. He vacuums every couple of weeks. It is just us 2 so the flat doesn't get hideous but it isn't clean!

Why am I like this? I want to change. Please help me with practical steps to take...

Yes exactly like Pomodoro. He finds he needs the counters as well because he needs the sense of time slipping away ie, setting an alarm for 25mins wouldn’t work.

He also then gets up and walks around the block between each session.

He has a problem with avoiding big tasks as they just seem too overwhelming so psychologically focuses more on the process rather than the end result I.e 25 minutes getting a project from A to B rather than thinking about it as something that needs to be completed (of course this way each 25 minutes means you then at some point do the y to z probably much quicker than you would otherwise)

Honestly I’m so proud of him, the way he’s found ways to manage his workplace challenges are amazing.

Only you can decide if you want to change, being lazy is a choice. My friend is a complete lazyarse and her attitude frustrates me!

My blood sugar and hormones play a huge part on my energy levels.

When I'm eating a high protein IF diet and drinking loads of water I feel on top of the world. I'm addicted to sugar though so I inevitably slip up multiple times a year. I'm in that slump now and it's awful - I WFH, have 3 kids, study distance learning... but all I want to do is sit at the computer and play games/browse the internet.

Try and overhaul the physical side and I honestly think it will help. Set a routine and get up, showered, dress, brisk 20 min walk outside every single morning. Homeschooling plus WFH has really let me down energy level wise. The kids are loved, fed, clean, DD's work is mostly done but I feel like I could be doing so much more and it's so frustrating. But a weirdly hard loop to get out of even if you think you know exactly what you need to do to get out of it :/

My dp has suspected ADD and he is not lazy but struggles to focus and begin a task. Once he is (finally!) set on something he does amazingly.

I am the opposite, I can plan everything out to a T, make long thorough lists and be so organised and know exactly what I need to do... and not get off my butt and do it. I should give myself some slack as I lost my dad a couple of months ago and my anxiety has reached a different level, and I just sink into my creature comforts and withdraw.

Not worth it though, being lazy feels awful and despite my partners protestations makes me feel very unattractive and crap.

A positive parenting method is to use the 'When/Then' approach. 'WHEN you've eaten your broccoli THEN you can have your pudding.' 'WHEN you've put your lego away THEN we can get the marble run out' 'WHEN you've finished your homework THEN you can go out to play with our friends.' You can do something similar with yourself, using lying in bed with your laptop as the 'Then'. Tell yourself 'WHEN you've had a shower and got dressed, THEN you can relax with your laptop.' WHEN you've vacuumed the bedrooms THEN you can relax with your laptop.' WHEN you've been out for a 40 minute power walk THEN you can relax with your laptop'. And follow through! Keep your laptop/phone in another room at night so you have to get out of bed in the morning before you can use it. Its too easy for a 'just 5 minutes' of screen before you get up to stretch out into an hour or more. But once you're out of bed it'll be easier to make yourself shower and dress before getting set up with it. Every time you get up off the bed, to go to the loo or get a drink or grab something to eat, you need to do another WHEN before you get the THEN of going back to it.*

Excuse my language but this is such fucking good advice. If you can stick to it it makes your mental state when you are doing the things you want to do (i.e. slothing about doing nothing) feel so much more earned and less guilty.

Inattentive ADHD here as well. I'm very much like you if I go with my natural instincts.

It's very unusual for an adult (especially women) to have hyperactivity problems with it but it's all under the ADHD umbrella now.

Even the tiredness is a symptom, but what I would suggest to you is first go to the GP and ask about blood tests for vitamin and thyroid deficiency. These are physical causes of similar symptoms and can be much more easily corrected so it's well worth ruling them out.

As for ADHD the medication I was on didn't do a great deal for me and then I keep getting pregnant so can't try a different one (!) but having the validation of the diagnosis (It's not me, it really is an imbalance in my brain) and learning about how my brain/motivation system works has been invaluable.

I'd recommend reading the book "So I'm not crazy, stupid or lazy?!" and from there moving onto Russell Barkley.

@PearlescentIridescent

* A positive parenting method is to use the 'When/Then' approach. 'WHEN you've eaten your broccoli THEN you can have your pudding.' 'WHEN you've put your lego away THEN we can get the marble run out' 'WHEN you've finished your homework THEN you can go out to play with our friends.' You can do something similar with yourself, using lying in bed with your laptop as the 'Then'. Tell yourself 'WHEN you've had a shower and got dressed, THEN you can relax with your laptop.' WHEN you've vacuumed the bedrooms THEN you can relax with your laptop.' WHEN you've been out for a 40 minute power walk THEN you can relax with your laptop'. And follow through! Keep your laptop/phone in another room at night so you have to get out of bed in the morning before you can use it. Its too easy for a 'just 5 minutes' of screen before you get up to stretch out into an hour or more. But once you're out of bed it'll be easier to make yourself shower and dress before getting set up with it. Every time you get up off the bed, to go to the loo or get a drink or grab something to eat, you need to do another WHEN before you get the THEN of going back to it.*

Excuse my language but this is such fucking good advice. If you can stick to it it makes your mental state when you are doing the things you want to do (i.e. slothing about doing nothing) feel so much more earned and less guilty.

I agree, this is great advice- I will try and motivate myself to go for a 40 min walk at lunchtimes when I am WFH and THEN I can have a bit of laptop time.

Trouble is I can't find the motivation to go for a walk on WFH days when the bed is so comfy!!!

To PPs asking I am not overweight- I weigh 8 stones.

I get dopamine hits when I complete a task (e.g. completing a work task), can I still have a dopamine shortage?

My bloods and thyroid levels are all fine by the way.

I'm either just lazy or I have ADHD. I honestly think smartphones and laptops have really damaged people over the years. They are so addictive with the instant dopamine hits.

If you don't feel depressed I'd have your bloods taken-maybe low in iron or vitamin D, or thyroid issues x

Totally true about the screens. I’ve noticed it in my whole family. We all find it really hard to self regulate with it.

Re the dopamine - great that you recognise work achievements help. Studying again has been good for me for similar reason as well as the deadlines looming.

@Winterplant

I get dopamine hits when I complete a task (e.g. completing a work task), can I still have a dopamine shortage?

What do you class as "getting a dopamine hit"?

I genuinely have no idea what that would feel like...

so while it's possible that I'm just woefully uneducated on how my own brain works, I suspect it's more likely that you're noticing it because you normally have a shortage.

Put your laptop away, sit at a table not in bed to work. Remove instagram from the work computer. Turn your phone off while you're working.

I think lljkk is right in that you are bored, which is coming out as depression (I've learnt to recognise the signs in myself). It sounds as if your work isn't much of a challenge for you and you're going to have to work out a way to turn it into something you can obsess over.

Yes you absolutely can. It's not a shortage in that you can't produce dopamine if you have ADHD. The problem, they think, is that it gets reabsorbed too quickly, much like serotonin in some forms of depression.

You will still absolutely get that sense of satisfaction from completing a task. The problem is that most ADHDers struggle to get to the point of finishing tasks in the first place. And then when you do get that dopamine release, it doesn't stay in your brain and keep motivating you. For most people, the dopamine sticks around for a while and sort of acts like a coach going that was great, now what? Or reminding you subconsciously of how great it feels when you complete something and hence keeping in perspective that the hard work is worth the end result.

If you have ADHD, you'll get the "hit" from completing a task but then it's very quickly used up and therefore it goes away again. Many non adhd people are experiencing this kind of effect now from a reduced amount of dopamine due to pandemic restrictions (among other things, social acceptance and connection seems to give it to us and those are definitely harder to get right now). They are struggling with the same types of issue, reduced motivation, inertia, trouble getting started with anything, inability to stop scrolling social media etc.

So breaking bigger goals into smaller markable parts really helps because this helps keep more of a stream of dopamine going although you still have to get started in the first place. Making your "easy but addictive" sources like Facebook more difficult to access or less rewarding can help too.

I like doing easy tasks at work. I don't like using my brain. I like things to be straightforward.

I thought I was a lazy btch who couldn't get her sht together my whole life, until a friend suggested I might have ADHD. Turns out I do! medication and coaching has been life changing

@zzzooomwatcher

I thought I was a lazy btch who couldn't get her sht together my whole life, until a friend suggested I might have ADHD. Turns out I do! medication and coaching has been life changing

What did you learn?

@Winterplant sorry I don't really understand your question? Learned through coaching or the diagnosis?

Coaching has been good for coping strategies to keep me organised and on track. Strategies that work for neurotypical people (non ADHD) don't really work for me, have had to work through a lot of behaviours that came from being v unfocused.

Oh my goodness; I relate to this so much. I have wondered about adhd but I am in no way hyperactive. The comment upthread about perfectionist/procrastination cycle chimed so hard with me.

I struggle enormously on days when I have my children on my own - I found it extremely challenging when they were very small and considered it as the fault of my extreme laziness and selfishness.

I need short, focused deadlines. I will definitely look into the pomodoro technique. I cannot get the house organised and am utterly overwhelmed by it. I would spend all day every day in bed on my phone even though I hate that and enjoy being active and busy - I just seem to find things incredibly difficult and I don’t know why.

This is me and I have chronic fatigue. I'd get a GP appointment tbh

I like your honesty op!

First, give yourself a break because we are in a global pandemic and uncertainty and stress and the monotony of it all is exhausting.

Secondly, agree with others who say some sort of timetable or tick list would be very helpful. But lists are no good if you don't actually do them!

Third, don't wait until you have energy. Try and do something for five mins then have a cup of tea and use the impetus from your first small achievement to propel you on to the next and so on. But start small and build up. No perfectionism. Energy creates energy.

Four, I find it's helpful to act IMMEDIATELY on any thoughts that filter in to your head like "I must wash some towels" - don't dwell on it just do it quickly - and then it becomes a habit and you find yourself "unblocked".

Good luck

This is me as well

Exactly me even the cooking

I have long suspected I have ADHD

Tiktok is the worst

I also have accountability friends who I sent a list to and force myself to do what's on the list

List keeping helps a lot

Acting immediately is good. I do better if I force myself to act on a thought to just put one wash on. Not thinking beyond that. I love a list but they overwhelm me too much to be helpful

(Just personally I mean, obv they are good for many people! And occasionally I have managed to work through a to do list, but it’s rare for me sadly)