I am unbelievably lazy. Please help.

[Winterplant]

I am so lazy.

All the time.

I work from home mostly. I have a computer set up from a table, we were not given laptops. I spend 90% of my working day under the duvet in bed watching YouTube or on mumsnet or other sites. Not even sitting up, but lying down. I get so tired from sitting at my desk even only for a short period.

When I am in the office I obviously have to sit at my desk but every 10 minutes or so I look at the news or Instagram.

I cook home cooked meals daily (only quick things that take under half an hour usually) but after I've eaten I just want to go back in bed and go on my laptop and phone.

The flat is tidy but not clean. I can't summon the energy to clean the bathroom more often than on a monthly basis or so. My partner does the washing up daily. He vacuums every couple of weeks. It is just us 2 so the flat doesn't get hideous but it isn't clean!

Why am I like this? I want to change. Please help me with practical steps to take...

@riotlady

I’d also suggest getting your vitamin D checked, as that can contribute to fatigue and it’s very common to be deficient, especially in the UK. Sounds like it’s not just laziness if you are getting tired so easily

I take 25g vitamin D supplements daily and blood tests have shown my levels to be normal

Can't comment on whether there is something medical underpinning this, but suggest that you get full bloods done by your doctor.

I can really relate to what you say about the work though, doing the minimum to get by, looking for distraction very easily etc. I've come to the conclusion that it's because work just doesn't fire me up any more, and I don't really care about it. It serves as a means to pay my mortgage and to service my interests. And whilst I'm fine with this objectively, it seems to suck the energy out of me.

@SingToTheSky

Yes definitely ask for full blood count and stuff like thyroid

POTS is a good shout, does your heart rate increase a lot when you stand up?

I don't think it's POTS. I used to have a high heart rate but that has settled to a normal range since starting to exercise

@Gilead

I was part of a professional diagnostic team before retirement. I get peed of at online diagnoses, but actually I’m in agreement with those saying get checked for ADHD.

ADD maybe? What good will it do to be diagnosed (just curious).

Adhd can bring medication. It’s not a fix all but for me it has helped so much, the difference is massive.
BTW it seems to all be diagnosed as ADHD now whether you have the hyperactivity or not - with subtypes (hyperactive, inattentive or combined) I’m inattentive type, wasn’t hyperactive even as a child

My partner doesn’t have an official diagnosis (because his mother was scared of him being medicated as a kid so refused a referral) but reading up on techniques that people use to manage their ADHD has massively helped him improve his productivity. E.g He uses productivity counters etc so he can feel the time slipping away (a bit like a pressured deadline)
There are other psychological techniques that he uses so even reading up about self management techniques that people use can help. (Of ADHD or ADD possibly applies)

How do you keep your job if you do so little? Is is too easy and you need more of a challenge?

Being diagnosed can give you medication and/or effective coping strategies. I’ve had a lot of people who get on well with meds and some who prefer to manage without. Each can be as effective as the other when applied prof. Caveat being with meds, you may need to try a few. Many on meds remark on the difference it can make to their everyday lives.

@BadlydoneHelen

How do you keep your job if you do so little? Is is too easy and you need more of a challenge?

I do enough... I hit my targets

@Trisolaris

My partner doesn’t have an official diagnosis (because his mother was scared of him being medicated as a kid so refused a referral) but reading up on techniques that people use to manage their ADHD has massively helped him improve his productivity. E.g He uses productivity counters etc so he can feel the time slipping away (a bit like a pressured deadline) There are other psychological techniques that he uses so even reading up about self management techniques that people use can help. (Of ADHD or ADD possibly applies)

Things like the pomodoro technique?

I would love to hear more about the techniques your partner uses that work for him.

You sound very like me, I have physical problems which mean I am often in pain or tired from being in pain.
But even when I was younger long term concentratation on work/study was an issue.
Have a look at Mel Robbins The 5 Second Rule book, I think it's still on YouTube so you can listen to it lying down
I've tried to bring it into my life, sometimes with more success than others, but it is helpful.

What is your weight like op? I'm overweight and have anxiety so I haven't been going out much. I find now loads of every stuuf is more tiring. So I wonder if it's a cycle? The less you do the more you struggle?

I have found I don't have great concentration since the pandemic. I have a busy job so I can't get away with doing very little. But I will get distracted easily. I was never great at this but put in lots of time and effort so it is counteracted if this makes sense? It still is but just feels like soooo much more effort. I've wondered about add or adhd for myself. But I'm quite well organised so not sure...

I wonder if part of it is routine of being at home? I think it will take your body a while to adjust to doing more so I'd say start off doing a little bit.

Also I really second pp's saying get checked out for physical causes.

ADHD suggestion from me also.

I have ADHD and without medication I can behave exactly like this.

It isn’t laziness. It is that your brain struggles to make dopamine (which stimulates you to have drive and work towards goals) so you can be sluggish and unmotivated (unless in a last minute deadline panic, where the pressure wakes your brain up).

Because your brain is searching for dopamine hits, you get stuck on social media giving it tiny little junk food hits, then get stuck in a vicious circle.

You need to actually get up and move and do things to get going , you just get stuck.

(Maybe not the most scientific explanation above, but my present understanding! Someone with more knowledge, please feel free to explain that more clearly !)

I’d see a doctor - it isn’t normal to be tired after sitting up for a bit.

Floradix is a great gentle way of boosting your Iron levels.They are about £ 7.00 or so(Amazon) and really ease tiredness.For many women can lose around 15% or so of their iron levels each month due to periods alone .Also the current situation ATM ,doesnt really help anyone to feel motivated with constant messages of "Staying At Home" and so on .

Do you suffer from procrastination? Do you put off doing or finishing things until the last minute because you're afraid that when you have to show the results to other people they will criticise you?

Are you lazy or do you have inattentive attention deficit disorder? Can you focus on something for long periods of time? Can you follow one train of thought or are you jumping around all the different thoughts that pop up? Do you feel easily overwhelmed with even small obstacles? Do you get emotional very easily and generally have a tough time conversing with a group of people etc?

I thought I was lazy and stupid for years, couldn’t for the life of me get organised, have to study all the spare time I had or I’d not take anything in. I can have a 1 on 1 convo but put me in a group and I get completely lost with the convo and knowing when it’s my turn to talk etc. I was assessed as an adult, I’ve inattentive ADD and knowing I wasn’t lazy or stupid helped me to find ways of doing things that did make sense to me. It changed a lot (except for the group thing, even MN threads. Still get overwhelmed with that!)

Practical steps.

When you get up in the morning open the window fully- make the room to cold to go back into to lie down.

Your not tired- you’ve gotten into a lazy habit, a habit can be broken in 3-5 days I think it is?

No phone between the hours of 10am-3pm
After dinner wash up immediately and then go sit in front of the tv, don’t go upstairs!

One you have those baby steps in place of staying out of your bedroom then add in more steps, like housework after 6pm.

Do a exercise class 3 times a week.
No phone 10-6pm
No sitting down for 2 whole hours ect.

The more you move the more you will WANT to move- you need to get your endorphins up!

I was in hospital a couple of years back, and all the patients on the ward had to have an injection into their abdomen every night. When I asked why I was told it was to prevent deadly clotting, as we were spending a lot of time lying in bed. That scared me into trying to be more active going forward as I've always been a terribly lazy person.

A positive parenting method is to use the 'When/Then' approach. 'WHEN you've eaten your broccoli THEN you can have your pudding.' 'WHEN you've put your lego away THEN we can get the marble run out' 'WHEN you've finished your homework THEN you can go out to play with our friends.' You can do something similar with yourself, using lying in bed with your laptop as the 'Then'. Tell yourself 'WHEN you've had a shower and got dressed, THEN you can relax with your laptop.' WHEN you've vacuumed the bedrooms THEN you can relax with your laptop.' WHEN you've been out for a 40 minute power walk THEN you can relax with your laptop'. And follow through! Keep your laptop/phone in another room at night so you have to get out of bed in the morning before you can use it. Its too easy for a 'just 5 minutes' of screen before you get up to stretch out into an hour or more. But once you're out of bed it'll be easier to make yourself shower and dress before getting set up with it. Every time you get up off the bed, to go to the loo or get a drink or grab something to eat, you need to do another WHEN before you get the THEN of going back to it.

Another thing that motivates me is to do an '8 is Great!' (sorry, I work with kids! I do find the same approach helps me though!) When I feel overwhelmed with having too much to do, and I just want to slob out, I set myself the challenge of doing an '8 is Great!' Basically 8 positive things, usually in my case related to tidying. Number 1 might be taking the spare hangers from the front of the wardrobe and taking them downstairs to the ironing basket, while number 2 might be picking up that biscuit wrapper and the screwed up tissue and chucking the in the bin. Number 3 can be yesterday's socks in the laundry basket and Number 4 can be those 2 random books put back on the shelf. Number 5 is hanging my dressing gown back on the hook behind the door, and Number 6 is fetching the spare loo rolls I know I'm running low of in the bathroom. Number 7 is popping a couple of ice cubes in the orchid pots, and number 8 is running the vacuum over the bedroom carpet. An '8 is Great!' rarely takes more than 10 minutes and afterwards the surroundings feel much nicer, I've had a kick from accomplishing something and I allow myself to slob out guilt free. Sometimes I've even released enough endorphins from doing that, that I feel driven to go further and do a couple of extra little chores, because I want to instead of because I have to. The approach really does work, I recommend giving it a try!

Don’t accept your I’ll, have low iron, you are depressed- that’s bullshit and you know it! Your lazy! And that’s the truth.

I used to be like this, somehow ALWAYS ended up back in bed- then it became habit to eat dinner and go to bed- have a shower and go to bed- do an hours work and go to bed- after a while I started too also fall asleep and have naps- the more you sleep the more sleep you need- I was stuck in a hole that I couldn’t seem to break a cycle on, but kicked myself up the arse and sorted it out and I haven’t looked back since.

I rekon it could happen to me again very easily though so I never lay down upstairs unless I’m going to bed or I am I’ll as I don’t want to fall back into a vicious circle.

I sometimes lay on the sofa but it’s so rare now a days.

I love the when then idea! In lockdown 1 for example I was rewarding myself for doing a bit of decluttering with an episode of a comedy. I’m getting much better at telling myself to do something that needs doing before I watch that next episode or whatever.

That said, for me personally it was only something I could actually enforce (both with myself and as a parent) once my adhd was medicated. It’s like before that I couldn’t link cause and effect.

How are you not bored stiff, OP?
I just know that I wouldn't feel satisfied if I didn't get a lot done most days.
My house may not be super clean -- I don't mind. But I do a lot of volunteering, miscellaneous tasks.
Barely moving all day or never having any challenges or working on new skills would drive me crazy. I have to get outside; introvert outside & don't need any people company, but outside I need.

@lljkk

How are you not bored stiff, OP? I just know that I wouldn't feel satisfied if I didn't get a lot done most days. My house may not be super clean -- I don't mind. But I do a lot of volunteering, miscellaneous tasks. Barely moving all day or never having any challenges or working on new skills would drive me crazy. I have to get outside; introvert outside & don't need any people company, but outside I need.

Such a help comment.

I'm always intrigued at how different people are.
OP says she's not happy how she is, so somehow the situation has some satisfaction for her. Even if it's just comfort of familiar routines.

Habits can be changed though; a lot of the process to make good changes is about getting past the inertia against habit change.

@WhoStoleMyCheese

OP are you sure you don't have ADHD? Have you alayws been like this o is it just Covid? I have ADHD and am so incredibly lazy.. if I won the lottery I would spend half my life daydreaming and the other half pottering about aimlessly... once Im under a duvet i wont move and I check the news every 10 mins too, can't focus, need hits of instant gratification

Me too! I’m not lazy, I have a dopamine shortage that makes doing stuff hard.