If you have or have had a nanny...

[Bluemandm]

What would the one piece of advice be you’d give someone about to start the interview process? We’re using an agency but totally new to nannies and this wasn’t our original childcare plan but needs must!

Don’t talk about pay in terms of net. It messes things up tax wise and can put you in danger of being perceived as not paying minimum wage. Always talk gross. IME nannies always want to talk net pay and it’s dangerous for you as the employer.

Ok fabulous that’s really helpful, I’d read a little bit about that but assumed nannies would all be expecting gross to that’s useful to know! Thank you

Check references yourself, by speaking to the parents of past charges - don't leave it to agencies. Especially if your children are under 5/too young to tell you if something goes wrong.

Think very careful about what are the things that are very important to you in terms of what the nanny will do with the children and make sure they can fit with that.

Observe carefully when they interact with your kids in the 'incidental' moments. We interviewed 6 or 7 nannies and employed the ONLY ONE who engaged our 4yo in conversation as they walked down the corridor together.

If you have a particular parenting approach or values around an issue then let them know in advance and ask them to look into it before the interview. Eg. we do very 'gentle' parenting around food and meals for various reasons. It was really important to know our nanny was on board and wasn't going to start negotiations about finishing veg before getting a yoghurt, etc. Also helped to weed out the ones who didn't bother giving the issue any thought before the interview.

And our most useful question was about what they enjoy doing with kids. Again it was surprising how few of them were able to identify anything about being with kids that gave them pleasure.

I meant to say that we chose to do very informal interviews with the kids around, in the kitchen with a cuppa. It felt like a better way to show them what we were like as a family, and get a sense of fit. Some of them instinctively got involved in helping the kids - passing toys or a cup or whatever - and others didn't.

I agree about phoning previous employers. Ask about sick leave. My nanny was contracted for 3 days a week.. by the time we parted company, she was working about 3 days a month. I phoned her previous employer and found she had form, but I'd trusted the agency.

Also have ground rules around who is allowed in your home when your nanny is in charge. I discovered her boyfriend had been here on several occasions (and that money went missing). I had no proof, only my suspicions, confirmed when her next employer phoned to ask if we'd had issues around things going missing.....I trusted her, but issues started once she was seeing the BF....

These are all incredibly useful, I wouldn’t have thought about checking references myself at all and we definitely need to have a think about what’s the most important things for us. Very useful to think about how/where we’d interview too, I think it’d definitely be useful to have our children around to see how they interact.

Oh gosh I hadn’t even thought that other people might come into our house, is it accepted with nannies to say no other visitors unless prearranged play dates etc?

Agencies (often) do very little in terms of background checking - they will have just advertised the job on indeed or nanny job and will pass cvs on. If you’re lucky they will have phoned references but there’s a good chance they won’t have, so you really need to do that. If you want to be sure the candidate has a DBS check or first aid certificate, check that yourself.

You can make the rules. I should have said no boyfriends, but didn't think it would really be an issue. Other nannies or childminders, fine, but I honestly didn't think to say anything.

I would focus on what they like doing with kids, especially for pre-schoolers. I wanted someone energetic who liked spending time outdoors. Also good to ask how well they know the area and if they have nanny friends locally. Ours knew all the local playgroups and had lots of nanny friends which meant DC1 spent lots of time with kids his age. This was important to us given they weren’t at nursery until much older.

The ones I took an immediate dislike to were the ones whose first questions were do I have a cleaner and a dishwasher. Even if that’s the most important thing to them, I would at least expect them to realise asking about my child first might impress me more!

Second the speaking to references directly.

It might be difficult with Covid but offer a paid trial for any suitable candidates. Preferably offer this to two candidates to compare. Make it a half day session, spend a couple of hours with you and then make yourself scarce within the house. You should learn a lot from just hanging out with the nanny.

See them with the children. Use your intuition about their integrity and openness. Ensure they are excited to meet the children.

Agree with checking references directly as you will ask more relevant questions than an agency. Trial sessions are a really good way to see how a nanny fits into your home but some nannies are reluctant.

Mine let me down on cooking, grey plain pasta every day so I would do a trial on that. She also used to want to leave early every day and I wish I had checked previous employers instead of trusting the agency.

Yes ideally we’d like someone who has some nanny friends with other charges our children can meet up with, that’s really important to us. Fab ideal about the paid trial too, I hadn’t thought about that either. Everyone is so helpful! Thank you!

I am a nanny and wouldn’t dream of bringing boyfriend around to my charges house and would be offended if parents assumed that was what I would do. My charges have now met my husband after a year of being close to the family but this was all natural and not something I would ever do out of the blue without parents consent. That’s just me though.

I’d ask them what they like doing during the day, what was their favourite past job, what’s their parenting style and how they handle discipline. This gives you an insight into their personality but also gives the potential nanny an insight into what you want. I’d be careful with trials, they are time consuming for nannies and can mean turning down another interview or job in order to attend your trial. I’d say an hour or two trial is enough but not too long after the interview, maybe even on the same day as the interview as not to waste time. Usually what happens is I’ll get a couple of job offers, one might ask for a trial and the other might just hire me without one meaning I’ll obviously go with the one who hires me straight away.

Quite @looneytunes. I didn't think I needed to say, no boyfriends please, because I didn't think I needed to! I think we were just unlucky.

Sorry should be @looneytoones

@Looneytoones I’m surprised what you say about trials. Not about them being time consuming and unpopular with nannies but I’m amazed people will hire a nanny without them at least spending a couple of hours with the kids and I wouldn’t expect that for free. Our agency actually recommended a trial.

Get them to make a basic white sauce. Sounds simple but you’d be surprised!

Ask them what they would do in ‘such and such’ situation......eg if a friend of yours said they needed emergency childcare and you weren’t keen to have them but they approached the nanny behind your back.....something like that.

Ask her situations has she been in before that have made her feel uncomfortable.

We’ve had four nannies and two were great, two were a disasters.

I’d say trust your instincts when you hire. One of the disaster nannies lasted a couple of weeks as she just couldn’t manage the job. She’d only had part times roles before and the long hours were too much for her. And she was thoroughly disorganised. DH and I knew she wasn’t the best, but iid committed to a start date at work and just needed someone quick. Totally regretted that after a week!

The other thing I think is important is to choose someone you get on with. Our second disaster nanny was great with the kids and everything ran to clockwork at home, but DH and I found her a nightmare. I was so relieved when we finally decided to end the relationship. I was so uncomfortable around her, always feeling like I was treading on eggshells in my own home. She was moody and quite a demanding employee. For example, she got annoyed at DH because he took a day off work during the school holidays and didn’t give her time off. (He did some stuff for himself and caught up on some chores. But she was miffed because she felt she deserved a free holiday i.e over the her contracted amount.). In hindsight I should have seen this coming but we thought we were putting the children first. Incidentally, he’s been gone for six months and none of the children have ever asked after her so I conclude they didn’t much like her either!

Incidentally our best nanny was one of the family and she often had her friends and even her boyfriend around and it was never an issue. She always asked first and was sensible as to who she invited over. So teacher friends and people who liked children were invited and the boys loved it. They adore her boyfriend and the reason he was first invited was because he shared an interest with my eldest. He became a regular after a while. Her mum came round too once, which was lovely as the boys would often chat to her on the phone so they were very pleased to meet her in person!

As well as all the advice above, I’d find out how well she knows the immediate area in terms of what’s available to take your children to. Hard due to Covid but if they live elsewhere you will need to guide more on activities/playareas etc.
Worth thinking how much you want to spend on that kind of thing too, we were clear of our budget per month for activities. We were also happy for her to have nanny friends and the kids they were taking care of around to our house and our children went to other houses. Think about if you’re happy with that.
Our nannies were great helps to us and worth finding exactly the right one.

Yeah, trials are not as common as you think but I see the benefits of them. I’ve nannied for about 8 years and only had two trials which lasted about an hour or two, it’s usually for younger kids or first time parents in my experience (which I tend to avoid nowadays). Also, don’t feel like you have to use an agency OP, they can be slow and expensive. There’s other free sites that you can find nannies on. Some of my lovliest families were from Childcare.co.uk which is free for nannies but not sure about parents? I’d recommend it as that way you have control over reference checks, organising interviews etc. I find with agencies, it can be long process and sometimes they will send the same nanny to three or four different interviews. My last agency experience was awful, they took a week to reply to emails so when I expressed interest in a job, the job was gone by the time they got around to replying. This must be frustrating for parents too if they have to wait so long to meet prospective nannies. The back and forth with the agency went on for over a month until I gave up and found a job myself within a few days. I’m not saying they are all like this but just be aware that there are other ways.

I can’t make a simple white sauce 😂 in fact this brings up another good point, not all nannies are overly domesticated. So if this is a deal breaker for you make sure you ask in the interview.