viewers are idiots who need a lifestyle forcibly thrust at them to even contemplate looking
This is true. The exception is developers, who expect a discount for the work needing done. If something has needed explanation here then it needs to be better presented in the listing. Eg, put a bistro set (£50 from argos) on the round patio so we know it's not a trampoline.
I don't actually think you have to do a massive amount of work - staging the house a bit, and making sure the floor plans and photos show the house to best effect, will make a huge difference.
Photos should show the front of the house first, and all the rooms on the floor plan.
Mow the lawn and jetwash the patio and drive before the photos are taken. Put a cheerful planter or two at the front door
Get some lighter-coloured cushions and/or throws for the living room, and lighter tablecloth with a plant or a jug of daffs.
Ditto the conservatory - possibly a rug to give warmth. Red accents rarely seem to work well on listings.
Bedrooms - i cant work out whether you have well-hidden blinds or have removed the curtains. Unfortunately that can make the rooms look more stark so you need to soften them. You've said you don't like nick-nacks. That's fine but it's not about you, it's about selling a vision to the buyer. Don't have a reed diffuser as the one thing on display in 1st floor bedroom because it suggests the place smells, and it looks plenty clean enough!
Need photo of main bathroom. Put some nice fluffly towels out, and a green leafy plant
2nd floor: sort the damp and repaint the ceiling. Put some proper fluffy towels on the rail, preferably white with a matching mat.
Good luck!