What's it like to have a kid at secondary school?

[Krete]

PFB dd is going to secondary school in September. The lovely primary she is attends is very communal and we have made many friends over the years. I work p/t so dd has gone to after school club 3 days a week since she was 5 years old. The secondary school is in the next town and has an intake from a large area.

I don't like change at the best of time but even less after a year of Covid lockdown.

So what is itreally like when your kid goes to 'big' school and what sort of culture shock should I expect?

I don't think anyone has mentioned yet how blimmin' early in the morning secondary school starts. I am enjoying not having to get up to get a packed lunch ready before 8am, but back to it on Tuesday!

It's great. No more school runs. No more supervising homework. We sometimes go to an event at the school, prize day or a concert or something. But most of the communication is by email. No news is good news when it comes to secondary school.

Oh and no more making packed lunches. That's probably the best thing of all.

They'll fall out with someone once a week and have a new best friend and they're more dramatic then 5 year olds.
You'll never met their friends or friends parents unless you already knew them.
Any questions you ask will be met with a 'grunt'.
The homework will make you say 'that's not how I was taught to do that'
Reading the emails is a full time job.
You'll have flashbacks of forgetting your own PE kit.
Non uniform days are more stressful.
Other then that it's fine, they'll grow, they'll learn to be independent, they'll bleed you dry money wise and emotionally.
Teenagers are lovely

Expect big changes and much more quickly than you would think.
Secondary school makes them teenage very quickly.
You won't have interaction with many parents at all maybe just arranging logistics for lifts occasionally.

You will be uncool and will be told the bare minimum. But it's nice to seeing them become independent and finding out more about the world.

You will definitely need to loosen the reins

Oh, and suddenly they always seem to need money because they go off doing everything without you!
Cinema, shopping, lunch out all requiring ££ coz you won't be there to pay.

@doctorhamster

It's very different in that there's no playground/school gate chance to meet other parents or grab a word with a teacher. You soon get used to it though!

This is one of the best bits. Also there’s no requests for money every week for own clothes day etc

There was much rejoicing (at least from me) when DS left primary school. I was a school gate loaner, and despite efforts with joining PTAs and coffee mornings, never really made any group of mum friends and as a result, I spent a lot of lonely years waiting for him at home time.

DS's group of friends from primary school dropped him like a hot rock when he got to high school. Wasn't surprised. Expect your child to become glued to their phone (especially if having one is a novelty---DS didn't get his until after he finished his Y6 SATS), suddenly swear like a sailor (thanks, Xbox!) and become a mess of hormone-induced emotion. Good times!

This is so helpful, thank you!

@MrsMariaReynolds sorry to hear that you found the school gates difficult . I hope your son has found some firm friends in his new school.

Also there’s no requests for money every week for own clothes day
This would be very welcome. In non covid times I can't keep up with the requests and communications from primary school.

Oh, and suddenly they always seem to need money because they go off doing everything without you! Cinema, shopping, lunch out all requiring ££ coz you won't be there to pay.
Thank you for the warning! We never have any cash in the house so maybe need to think about that.

You won't have interaction with many parents at all maybe just arranging logistics for lifts occasionally.
This will be really strange for us. Sounds like I have to accept taking a big step back from my dc's social and school life. Which is probably a good thing.

Any thoughts on how to best prep dd to have a smooth transition? Is this even possible? I'm probably overthinking it

@Krete open a proper account with a debit card for your DD. When I don't have cash I just transfer some money to her and off she goes.

I only pay for entertainment and food, shopping is her responsibility and that's where she has to learn to save pocket money.

Transition depends a lot how the school handles it. On introduction day we encouraged DD to take small paper slips with her mobile number with her and hand them out to girls she met and connected. They then met in coffee shops in the Summer holiday.

Mine was diffrent for each kid.

So my son went in with friends he had from primary so kept in touch with the parents on fb. But had little to do with anything aslong as i was aware of where he was and he was home at right time.
Diffrents boy mates popped up sometimes.

My daughter completely diffrent, went in with her friends from primary, made loads of diffrent friends loads of sleep overs and got to meet parents, she was practically glued to me all the time anyway until she got her boyfriend. She is 15 now and all is good. My son is 18 so left and still see's his friends (well obviously not with covid) but they have stayed a close nit group

Yes to a debit card for them, there are a few child friendly ones. Mine have Nimbl but there's go Henry too. You can transfer money onto it and limit spending, it also notifies you every time they use it.

Nimbl is great - I get a ping on my phone when he uses it and it's a handy way to keep track of his spending and where he is when he's in town with his friends (pre-covid).

My kids got debit cards with a Nationwide account at eleven (which is completely free). It feels a bit intrusive to me to know every time they buy something, it doesn't let them go overdrawn, so I think it's up to them what they spend their own money on!

DD also has a Nationwide account. I think GoHenry is a bit young for a secondary school child.

But DD is in charge of her pocket money since she is 5 and I don’t control her spending.