Can’t eat when stressed, now underweight. Is anyone else like this?

[canteatwhenstressed]

I struggle to eat when I am stressed. Over the last year I have gone from a normal weight (was fairly slim already) to being underweight. My BMI is now 17. I go through good periods where I eat okay and I don’t lose weight. Then I’ll get anxious and struggle to eat and loose more. I’ve lost 13 kilos in the last 10 months and now weigh 50kg (I’m quite tall).

I know I need to eat to gain weight, I look much better a bit heavier and I know it’s unhealthy to eat so little. But sometimes I just cannot eat. This is not related to body image, it’s pure stress. Is anyone else like this and how do I fix it? My GP doesn’t seem concerned but I am aware I am now underweight.

Thanks for any advice

My aunt is like this (she is in our support bubble and I do a lot of the cooking). I try and make sure what she does eat is very calorie-rich without much volume eg. if I make a smoothie I add a big scoop of nut butter or protein powder for her, sneak in a lot of butter to portions, add cheese, nuts and olives to salads etc. So even if she only eats a couple of bites it has a lot of calories there for her.

The way she describes it she genuinely has trouble swallowing when she is anxious or stressed, so it's hard work. I told her to think of it as a workout for her throat muscles rather than eating, so it's supposed to be hard - that has helped to some extent.

Another thing we have tried is eating while watching something all together so she is distracted and doesn't notice how much she has eaten. This works well with eg. a bowl of fried rice or pasta.

I love her dearly, and just want her to be a healthy weight.

Yes, I’ve been like this. My stress levels weren’t because of intolerable external circumstances but how I was responding to relatively normal experiences. I got referred for CBT which helped a lot.

What else helped - finding ways to relax, doing exercise, distraction while eating (watching TV), having wine with evening meals (not so healthy but did help me). And food that was easier to eat / higher cal for its volume - smoothies for breakfast which I found the hardest meal, soup (some are higher cal so worthwhile). Snacks - smaller meals but more of them. Planning meals ahead and having someone else involved in cooking so I didn’t have to decide what to have for lunch at that moment, it was already planned.

Hope that helps, it’s hard!

Thank you so much for your reply. Your aunt sounds similar to me. It’s kind of you to care for her in that way.

I do try and add lots of calories to my food (using cream butter peanut butter, or ordering big takeaways on days I’m suddenly ravenous).

So I eat quite high calorie foods when I do manage to eat. This issue I guess is some days I can’t manage to eat at all:-(

PS You will get people saying "oh I wish I had that problem" but honestly it's as hard for her to put weight on as it is for me to lose it. I have been carrying around an extra stone myself. It's not easy in either direction and you have my sympathies. It's really tough and yet you have people going "ha ha lucky you" etc. when in fact being underweight is just as unhealthy as being overweight.

Thank you that helps pseud. I’m glad you found CBT helpful. I don’t think I’m unusually anxious, it’s just the normal struggles of homeschooling/working/missing family at the moment. The strange this is I’m actually often quite happy at the moment, but small things will trigger this inability to eat in me. Almost like a bad coping mechanism, or a way in which I try to exert control over my life.

Thanks again for your response.

@Xiaoxiong thank you for pointing that out. People are always telling me they wish they had this problem. It’s so insensitive. It isn’t fun to have no energy for normal every day tasks, and I don’t even look great this thin.

I think the days you don't want to eat you should still make yourself eat three meals. Even small ones.

I'm the opposite I stress ear and put on 3 stone in the last two years :(

Hand hold and hugs

Yes. I am not a skinny person but I struggle to eat when anxious so I basically lost two stone during the first lockdown. It wasn’t good. My appetite crept back when I could start working again (when grandparents were allowed to do childcare) and when I could go swimming again. My appetite hasn’t been great lately but I know it’ll get better when I can swim again (52 days to go). When I’m feeling like that I have thick Skyr yoghurt and soup mostly.

How about eating with the children? Instead of thinking "I am eating a meal" could you think "I am showing the children table manners" or "I am modelling a family meal/conversation/whatever", a learning experience - and then even if you get a few bites in that's better than nothing. We have been watching Lois & Clark - the new adventures of superman over dinners which has distracted my aunt and she gets a bigger portion in than she otherwise would.

Or is there someone else who can do the cooking for you, so that you feel obligated to try a bit so as not to hurt their feelings? Use your feelings of social obligation to your advantage! I know my aunt feels like "oh Xiao went to the trouble of cooking this for me, I need to be polite and try some" and once I get her sat down then she does get some food in.

Yes. I use distraction eg reading or TV and sort of treat it like a job, as in you don't have to like it you just have to do it. If it's really bad you can buy Fortisip or Ensure from the pharmacy. It's liquid food in milkshake form. And eat food that's high calories in a small quantity eg nuts, dried fruit, bread with seeds in it etc. Try to make everything you eat more calories eg drizzling olive oil on your salad, putting tinned sardines on your toast etc.

Have you considered high calorie drinks, for example using full fat milk instead of semi skimmed, use cream instead of milk in coffee. Have an occasional milkshake or smoothie (ideally use real fruit & milk, not just the powdered ones). You can get a blender & stick a banana or some frozen berries in it, add some milk & you've got a milkshake in less than a minute. You can get protein powder that doesn't taste of anything (plain whey) if you wanted it to be a bit more balanced, or you could add a spoonful of unsweetened yogurt.

canteat interestingly I wouldn’t have described myself as anxious either - but for me, the best way I can describe it is feeling like I don’t have a really great connection between my physiology and my brain/thoughts. So not so attuned to feelings of hunger, and not so attuned to my body experiencing physiological symptoms of stress when my brain wasn’t.

You say that it's down to stress but then add you are not particularly stressed at the moment.

You clearly need some help with this. Please go back to your GP or if you are not getting a receptive vibe from him/her ask for a second opinion within the practice if one is available.

Apparently cortisol is an appetite suppressant. So you need to be looking at ways of reducing the cortisol in your system I would have thought.

When I get like this and have actual problems swallowing food, I find that protein milkshakes help me OP, along with high protein yoghurts; tea with lots of milk; soft scrambled egg with lots of butter; biscuits dipped in tea ... essentially anything soft and liquidy is more manageable.

And knowing that I just have to swallow it makes me keep going, like a vital medicine or something.

(I was into Huel for a while too but these days prefer "real" food.)

Oh, and Ella's fruit pouches helped at one point, though they're not very environmentally friendly...

I wish I had this problem! I'd go for soups and add rice or potato so they are like a broth, very easy to digest.

Also jacket potatoes.

Also nutritional smoothies, buy or make your own and add hemp powder for protein, avocado for healthy fats.

Snack on full fat yoghurts, bananas and nuts, peanut butter on a slice of apple.

Make sure you are getting enougj nutrition. Shepherds pies, fish pies, are very nutritious. Prawns, turkey slices are also very nutritious.

Have salad and greeens e.g. kale once a day, I find it increases my good gut bacteria and makes me feel like eating.

They suggest a squeeze of lemon in hot water in the morning to stimulate appetite. Is there a time of day you feel more like eating? Harness this.

I occasionally get this, although it only lasts for a few days. Low blood sugar feeds anxiety so it’s easy to get in a downwards spiral. I try and remind myself that eating will make some of the stress/anxiety feel better.

Sorry I did not mean to offend with my wish I had that problem comment. The ones who say that probably have the opposite problem so its a way of empathising albeit not helpful.

I have had both- overeating on carb and sugar and putting on weight, then started an immuno suppressant that kills my appetite and lost lbs.

The above is the sort of balance I have found.

Also opt for whole and non refined grains- brown bread, brown rice. Black rice is even higher in calories than brown rice (and isn't actually a rice)- it comes in rice and noodle forms and is a staple of mine.

Eggs are also a good one- I eat a lot of two egg microwave omelettes.

I also recommend intuitive eating- taking the time to listen to your body and what you feel/think would support it.

Yes I do too and when anxious or depressed( I'm bipolar very stable now) and often lose 7lbs a week as I just can't swallow food, I will have a milky drink instead
I don't have an appetite in daily life and could go for 2 days( but don't) without a meal

Thanks for all the tips.

@8090sTv no offence taken it must be hard either way.

Like some of you suggest I do try and add cream butter and cheese to meals on good days. On bad days however I can’t just force myself to eat three meals like one poster suggests. I can’t explain why but I just can’t physically bring myself to do it.

@Xiaoxiong eating with others does help, when my husband and I eat together (not always possible) I eat better. Otherwise I might skip dinner.

And yeah @Chicchicchicchiclana you correctly point out that I say it’s a stress thing, but I also say I’m not stressed.
I guess what I mean is this all started last year when I was very very stressed, stressed all day and crying a lot. Now I don’t feel like that at all anymore, but small stressful things (minor disagreement with my husband or at work, or worrying about the children) will trigger me not to eat. I’ll still feel relatively upbeat and okay but just cannot eat.
I’ll try and speak to another GP.

Thanks so much all for your advice.

I am like this as well, I have lost weight during lockdown and then no appetite when I caught covid as everything tasted strange. I try and eat in front of the kids as I don't want them to pick up my bad habits and my 7 year old is a very fussy eater. Thing is some days I just don't feel hungry at all. If I am stressed and anxious I could easily go all day without food and somedays I have to force myself to eat.

I do drink hot chocolate or smoothies if I have no appetite and fill them with Nutella and full fat milk but I have far too much sugar which makes me feel exhausted.

I would get some meal replacement shakes / powders for days you can't eat. I like the free soul brand. Then at least you're getting some nutrients.

I would try and address the stress urgently. If it's bad enough you can't eat the entire day then talk to your GP. Good luck.

I'm the same. I have never ever reached a healthy bmi level. I have been diagnosed with an EDNOS because although I am clinically anorexic, I dont have anorexia. At times I would say I do restrict, because I can be hungry but if I am stressed I just cant even entertain the idea of food.

I'm 34 and have been back and forwards to doctors, hospitals and therapists since I was a toddler. Nothing has changed, or improved.

I use fortisips, complan build up shakes and smoothies for days when I have no appetite.

I dont know how to fix it, unfortunately.

I really struggle to eat some times and often find it easier to have small snacks on the go rather than being overwhelmed by big meals. Distraction also helps, I sometimes have a bag of chocolate buttons in the car and have a few whilst driving.
One thing I’ve noticed is that when I don’t feel like eating I’m better having really strong flavours and dry crisp food. Salt and vinegar crisps are usually my go to!
If you are looking to add calories without volume, ground nuts can be added to so many things, for example if you grind them to a powder you gain stir into curries, casseroles, add to pastry or breadcrumbs. Milk powder can be added to liquids to up the calories.