DH wants a night away when we’ll have a small baby

[Covidweddingday]

He asked if I would mind him going away for a night with his friend when our baby is 2 months old. We have a 3 yo too and I’m worried about the money he will spend when we are losing so much per month on my maternity pay and that I’ll be left for 2 days and an overnight with a baby who is likely to be waking up a lot in the night and then not being able to nap during the day. He’ll be working all week so I’ll be on my own a lot with the baby in the week and then he will be away most of the weekend too. We’ve no family nearby who could come and stay.

I said I would rather he didn’t and he won’t go but he is clearly annoyed. Should I just say he should go?

One night away when the baby is two months old seems reasonable. You need to distinguish the money fears from the being left alone fears. For the money side, you can raise that money is tight, agree a budget, maybe he takes cash and no credit card so he can’t overspend etc. For the being alone, I would encourage you to recognise that being alone for one night and maybe two days with a toddler and a baby is done by millions of women all the time, I would be very upset if my partner refused to let me go away as a one off for one night (I’m a mother but still...). But you should be open with him about what you’re worried about and how he could make it easier eg could he help you premake lots of meals, plan what you’ll do that weekend etc?

Does he work away from home or is he at home overnight ? If it's one night then surely you can cope ?

The money seems like the real issue, he shouldn't go if you can't afford it.

Seems a little bit selfish to me, with a toddler & v young baby to look after, I am not sure I would want DH to spend a night away, unless it was essential, what would your DH say if you wanted the night away?

I would be asking him how it can be afforded especially with the stag do coming up. Has he done a budget for current finances...

Its not so much fear of being left alone- just the fact I wouldn't even consider or enjoy a weekend away knowing that I was leaving DH with a largely sleepless and hard work weekend after I had spent the whole week leaving at 6am for work. I would do it no problem for some kind of special occasion.

I would be annoyed. The timing is crap, it isn't a special occasion, he will be paying for it using joint money at a time where you can ill afford it. It isn't about whether you would be able to cope, I'm sure you could but why should you? Yanbu, he should have taken the above things into consideration himself.