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Original poster

husband left

39 replies

wow1111 · 25/02/2021 12:12

I am just wanting a bit of advice, my husband ''randomly'' left me a few weeks ago, as he said he couldnt handle my attitude anymore (even though my attitude is purely down to hormonal reasons, periods etc, like ALL women and me and him are still only quite young), and had felt like this the past five years... which hurt, been together 7 years, married nearly two! He asked me if I expected it, as he said he was always on his phone, but I genuinely didnt realise he was going to leave his wife?? When he left he was crying and said he didnt want us to split, but we needed it, which I thought that maybe it would be more of a break for us to have some breathing space, and the first few weeks we talked fine, and we told each other we miss and love each other, but we was still split up (confusing) but then I realized that when he came and we would have a hug, he would then turn it around and say I dont want you thinking anything of this, so I then decided that I did not want mixed signals, so cut off contact, and now I think he may be speaking to a few 'girls' or acknowledging them, and he is now adamant that we will never ever get back together? I am SO hurt, I absolutely love this guy more then anything, jesus we were trying for a baby for a few months and now this? Just do not understand why he has done this, as he said he doesnt want a relationship but yet he seems to be 'moving' on?

OP posts:
PrelovedWithValue · 25/02/2021 12:20

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

I think though, you need to listen to him, and start to move on with your life without him, hard as that will be to begin with. It will get better, but it will take time.

Do you have friends and family you can be in touch with? I know it's hard at the moment with covid, but if you are living alone you can have a support bubble (assuming you are in the UK)

And consider, if he was to change his mind, would you honestly be able to move on from this without worrying that he would pull this kind of stunt again? It sounds like he has just thrown this at you with no talk of trying to improve things or work on your relationship to improve it. I think you'd be constantly on tenterhooks, reading things into everything he says and worrying what you can do to make him stay - and you would stand the risk of losing yourself in your attempts to make sure he stays.

Original poster
wow1111 · 25/02/2021 12:31

Hi yes, I have cut all contact as much as possible as we have pets which we share. I think im just finding it hard as I don't really understand why he's done this. He loved me so much and we were great together and when I speak to him I don't even feel as if I know who I'm talking to anymore. I am fortunate enough to have an amazing support network, who always message me and give me guidance but I think for me to fully let go I need more answers, which I obviously can't get as he just says it's my attitude, even though that is just immature of him

OP posts:
maras2 · 25/02/2021 13:29

Sorry OP but ' Cherchez la Femme' .

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
Original poster
wow1111 · 25/02/2021 13:39

Hi, I googled this and understands it means 'look for the woman, but what do you mean by this?

OP posts:
Significantown · 25/02/2021 13:44

I think it means he has replaced you with another woman

maras2 · 25/02/2021 13:44

Men don't usually leave for no apparent reason, therefore look for the other woman.
I hope I'm wrong and sorry if I sounded flippant.
Best wishes Mx. Flowers

FlibbertyGiblets · 25/02/2021 13:47

Maras means, I expect, that he already has another woman, and to not be surprised when she is produced in a ta-dah way, as the new love of his life and to also expect further re-writing of your marriage story. He's already skewing his re-write to show he was "unhappy" (Joey air quotes) even though no previous indication by him during the marriage. Etc etc.

I am very sorry.

Original poster
wow1111 · 25/02/2021 13:47

Yes, I am starting to wonder this, but he never showed any signs during our relationship, always left his phone downstairs when he went to get a shower etc, just a really really strange situation which I cant get my head around. I have asked him if he is speaking to anyone else, as I would like him to be honest, and he has been honest throughout our relationship, and he has told me he is not, so I'm just really not sure.

OP posts:
EachBleachBlairTrump · 25/02/2021 13:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

UltimateBlends · 25/02/2021 13:48

At least it happened before you got pregnant.
I co-parent my now 7 year old with a man like yours, who was messing around after DC was born.
Now im stuck in a horrible 50/50 parenting situation with my ex. I wouldnt wish it on anybody.

Which really isn't very helpful to you now, but you must know being with a man like that and having kids with them, is just horrendous.

You've had a lucky escape, even if you don't quite see it yet.

Block him and let him go find himself. He will be back. They usually are (mine certainly was)

...then left again.
Please don't be me. Hes shown you who he is. Steer clear.

Original poster
wow1111 · 25/02/2021 13:52

Hi, no I do not treat him in a poor way at all, sometimes I come across a little bit moody and maybe would snap, which I would apologize for straight after

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 25/02/2021 13:52

I think he’s told you op why? It’s not working for him anymore and he doesn’t like how you treat him.

I don’t understand what you mean by your attitude is due to your hormones and period, I don’t have an attitude due to this and neither does any woman I know. If you’re ill in some way and struggling with your periods habe you sought medical help. It’s not all woman, it’s not even the majority although some do struggle badly.

Bluntness100 · 25/02/2021 13:54

@wow1111

Hi, no I do not treat him in a poor way at all, sometimes I come across a little bit moody and maybe would snap, which I would apologize for straight after
Ok but you understand he is telling you he thinks the way you behave is untenable to him. I don’t know if this is just an excuse from him, because you’re saying you’re only a little moody and snappy but he sees it differently. So there is a disconnect there.
RampantIvy · 25/02/2021 13:57

I'm sorry this has happened to you. It sounds like he has moved on Flowers

Please don't assume that all women are victims of their hormones. It gives us a bad name. If they really are problematical can you talk to your GP.

Original poster
wow1111 · 25/02/2021 13:58

Hi, yes, this is my point, my ex even told me himself that it is very rarely that I can be 'moody/attitude/snappy/unhappy' etc, and that I make him very happy, as we were an absolutely amazing couple.. but I just do not understand why he did not sit me down and tell me that it was affecting him, rather then just leaving me

OP posts:
Original poster
wow1111 · 25/02/2021 14:00

RampantIvy, hi, this is what I'm trying to get across, I am not suffering with hormones etc, sometimes I can come across a little bit offish sometimes, which is not unusual for women I would say? But I am very a nasty or malicious person

OP posts:
FelicityPike · 25/02/2021 14:01

Yeah I’m agreeing with @Bluntness100 here.

TheByngster · 25/02/2021 14:05

@wow1111

Hi, I googled this and understands it means 'look for the woman, but what do you mean by this?
I suspect she means a woman is the cause of this, or rather women. He wants someone new. It’s not a saying that translates well, but it roughly means if something has happened there’s likely to be a woman at the root of it.
Bluntness100 · 25/02/2021 14:20

sometimes I can come across a little bit offish sometimes, which is not unusual for women I would say

Do you mean people? Women are no different to men in this. I’m not sure why you keep saying it’s women?

Original poster
wow1111 · 25/02/2021 14:21

Yes okay, people. People experience many different aspects within their life which can affect their mood. Yes. People, both men and women.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 25/02/2021 14:24

So basically what you’re saying is you behave no different to any one else. Which is great. The issue here is he thinks the way you behave is poor and he doesn’t want to live with it anymore.

So either he’s a gaslighting arsehole who is blaming you for no reason, ans he’s off with some other woman, which happens, or there is a problem in your behaviour.

If it’s another woman he is unlikely to tell you. Has he a history of gaslighting you?

Aquamarine1029 · 25/02/2021 14:25

I think two issues are involved. The way you treat him and there's another woman involved. Also, just because you apologise for snapping at him doesn't undo the damage. There's only so much of this anyone can take, and blaming it on hormones is just a very poor excuse.

Peegreenlie12 · 25/02/2021 14:28

Are you sure there is no one else waiting in the wings so to speak?

Men don't usually up and leave without something else to go to

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 25/02/2021 14:29

If he feels like he is being snapped at all the time, then I can understand how that may motivate him to end the relationship.

However, men (typically, not all blah blah) also like to take something minor and turn it into The Reason To Cheat.

Original poster
wow1111 · 25/02/2021 14:30

Hi, I did not even know what gas lighting meant until talking about my situation with a therapist, and yes, knowing what it now is, yes, he has had a history of this throughout the relationship.
I am not a nasty person, I am not an aggressive person, I am not an unfair person, I am a normal human being who has normal emotions

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