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husband left

39 replies

wow1111 · 25/02/2021 12:12

I am just wanting a bit of advice, my husband ''randomly'' left me a few weeks ago, as he said he couldnt handle my attitude anymore (even though my attitude is purely down to hormonal reasons, periods etc, like ALL women and me and him are still only quite young), and had felt like this the past five years... which hurt, been together 7 years, married nearly two! He asked me if I expected it, as he said he was always on his phone, but I genuinely didnt realise he was going to leave his wife?? When he left he was crying and said he didnt want us to split, but we needed it, which I thought that maybe it would be more of a break for us to have some breathing space, and the first few weeks we talked fine, and we told each other we miss and love each other, but we was still split up (confusing) but then I realized that when he came and we would have a hug, he would then turn it around and say I dont want you thinking anything of this, so I then decided that I did not want mixed signals, so cut off contact, and now I think he may be speaking to a few 'girls' or acknowledging them, and he is now adamant that we will never ever get back together? I am SO hurt, I absolutely love this guy more then anything, jesus we were trying for a baby for a few months and now this? Just do not understand why he has done this, as he said he doesnt want a relationship but yet he seems to be 'moving' on?

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 25/02/2021 14:31

Does he say you snap/moan when you pull him up on what he is doing wrong? Sounds like he doesn't like being called out for his behaviour.

Bluntness100 · 25/02/2021 14:32

@Peegreenlie12

Are you sure there is no one else waiting in the wings so to speak?

Men don't usually up and leave without something else to go to

They do if it is unacceptable at home ans they are sick of it and can easily walk. But the op is saying she doesn’t have a bad attitude and treats him well, in fact it’s rare she’s moody or snappy and she makes him very happy. So it would seem he’s used this as an excuse to leave.

As such it would seem that yes, it’s likely he’s met someone else. I’m sorry op, 💐

wow1111 · 25/02/2021 14:34

At the moment he is telling me that there is noone else, and I believe him at the moment, yes, because he has never lied to me before, and would like to think that he is being honest with me now. The only thing which I find strange is him now following girls on social media, even though he has said that he does not want anyone else, and yes I understand he is single and he can now do whatever, but after being split up after 7 years, I find it a little strange

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Teapotsandtablecloths · 25/02/2021 14:34

Hi Op,

First of all, I'm really sorry this has happened to you and sounds from what you've said to of completely come out of the blue. I'm glad to hear you've got support close to you.

Secondly I'm sorry people seem to be jumping on you for your choice of words about periods impacting your moods. Xx

wow1111 · 25/02/2021 14:36

Hi yes this is exactly what he does, if I try to talk to him about a very simple adult situation, and I do talk, very nicely to him, situations such as basic house chores etc, he then says that I am moaning and I have an attitude with him etc

OP posts:
MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 25/02/2021 14:39

My advice would be to accept that your relationship is over and to try and make peace with that and move on.

Try not to follow what he's doing on social media, be glad you don't have children with him and that you're young enough to do that with someone else.

Go live your life

DoverSoul · 25/02/2021 14:46

I did not even know what gas lighting meant until talking about my situation with a therapist, and yes, knowing what it now is, yes, he has had a history of this throughout the relationship.

I believe him at the moment, yes, because he has never lied to me before

Gaslighting you was lying to you.

It's not very often a man will end a relationship if he doesn't have someone else. As a PP said he's using your emotions as an excuse to end the relationship. Your fault.

How much else has been your fault in the relationship? Is he always the hard done by one?

Dinkydody · 25/02/2021 14:47

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It will take some time to grieve your marriage. Can I advise that even though you may be tempted, don’t let him use you when he comes around, find a way to have a complete clean break even with pets and make the most of your support group. I’m sorry about the nasty replies on this thread, it’s the last thing you need and I would probably have it taken down..

The pain will pass and one day you will look back and see this was just the beginning of a new journey. Good luck Flowers

wow1111 · 25/02/2021 15:04

Yes, everything has been all my fault, I am to blame for everything... I do not know how he had time to find another woman, but I suppose time will tell.. we are now not on each others social media, only talking to sort out pets atm, sorting everything else out when lockdown is lifted - have stuff to sell etc.

I am moving forward, focusing on myself at the moment, he said he believes in fate, so like I say, time will tell..

OP posts:
Labobo · 25/02/2021 15:12

You've been married two years. One of those years has been in lockdown. He's so thick he thinks the issue is married life not lockdown. Leaving you has created some change and drama in his life. We all want that right now.

At least you have no children. If I were you, I'd leave him alone. Try to focus on other things, don't check your phone all the time and don't be available every time he calls or wants to meet up or has second thoughts. Be unavailable. Be busy. Don't say why. Let him get an insight into how his life is when he doesn't have you in it and has no idea what you are up to.

wow1111 · 25/02/2021 15:16

Hi yes, alongside lockdown we also moved into a familys house, as we were preparing to move outside of the UK after lockdown, so not been able to 'date nights' etc during lockdown.
Oh I am now, I told him I want no contact, as he still wanted to be 'friends', which is then when he started following girls on social media..

OP posts:
DoverSoul · 25/02/2021 18:48

@wow1111

Yes, everything has been all my fault, I am to blame for everything... I do not know how he had time to find another woman, but I suppose time will tell.. we are now not on each others social media, only talking to sort out pets atm, sorting everything else out when lockdown is lifted - have stuff to sell etc.

I am moving forward, focusing on myself at the moment, he said he believes in fate, so like I say, time will tell..

You have had a lucky escape. It's hard now, I'm sure, but in time you will be so relieved you weren't stuck with him for longer.

That's great that you're being so pro-active in moving forward, keep up the good work Flowers

Bluntness100 · 25/02/2021 19:01

Following girls on social media is fairly normal behaviour for a single man op, it’s really quite normal he’d do that if he perceives your relationship over. Often the person who ends it moves on fastest, because for them it’s been over for a long time. Seldom is it impulsive.

54321GoGoGo · 25/02/2021 22:56

Take time for yourself, don't entertain his offer of fate and friendship!!

Don't give this person anymore chances to hurt you again 🌼

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