Feel useless because I’m so bloody fat

[fatandfrustrated]

GP has just prescribed me steroid cream for a rash under my belly, whilst pointing out that it’s because I’m overweight and suggesting I do more exercise .

I’m 20 stone 8, 5 ft 9 and massive . I’ve been much bigger (23 stone) but my self esteem is shot to bits .

I don’t exercise much, as I’m too scared. I’m dyspraxic, don’t know what works for me - have never exercised in a positive way . I was removed from PE at school as they just laughed at me .

I can swim a bit, and walk, but never done it seriously . I’m pretty flexible but not enough so that I’d feel confident doing yoga . I can’t dance, or mirror other people’s movements eg aerobics, so that stuff’s out.

I’m also under cardiology investigations (genetics) so been told it’s gentle exercise only - nothing high impact, endurance or competitive .

I don’t feel at all good about myself, and I find when people try to help me I feel resentful and like I want to eat and lie in bed to spite them almost. Like speaking to Dr just now I just felt more annoyed than anything else and almost offended . Went and walked 20 minutes in the pouring rain out of anger , and I’m not sure who at exactly .

I’m not sure how I change my mindset . I CAN lose weight when I try - I lost 4 stone at sixteen, and I did it again at 21, and then 26, but each time I regained even more .

I’m an emotional eater too, I love food, I love planning my meals, and I have a weird anxiety about food too - I hoard it almost - so it’s difficult . I absolutely adore mayo - my big weakness, so it’s not good ...

Well the first step is you've recognised what the issue is. So well done on that and not being in denial.
I've recently lost 1.5 stone in lock down by doing les Mills on Demand classes. In the comfort of your own home, it doesn't matter if you can't keep up or you feel uncoordinated.. You definitely do sweat and it is a kick start to helping you on your way. Have you perhaps sought some therapy as to why you emotionally eat also?
I lost weight for my daughter because I felt myself getting out of breath when I carried her or ran after her etc.. Your emotional well-being and long term health is a good starting place for a focus.
I do get it is exceptionally hard. You could try some brisk walking with arm and leg weights and slowly build up your endurance. Anything is possible if you're willing to try. X

You can only start from where you are and I totally sympathise particularly with emotional eating.
Take small steps. A walk outside every day for example.
Meal plan with food you enjoy reducing less healthy food as you go.
You sound like you'd like to try yoga. Look up www.thenobleartofyoga.co.uk Donna Noble works specifically with 18+ women live online and her classes are small and friendly without judgement.

thenobleartofyoga.co.uk/curvesomeyoga-2/ is a direct link.

Agree with PPs you sound lovely Op brisk walking, low carbing,, intermittent fasting...you can do it and you are definitely worth doing it for. You don't want to be having a leg amputated because of diabetes later in life as happened to my father which devastated him and the whole family, it also progressed to his second leg.

Given that you've been recommended gentle exercise, I would concentrate on upping your steps and doing as much walking as possible. Track your steps and make it into a daily goal. I've done this in the past and ended up walking up and down the stairs to get them up - any extra movement is great.

Could portion sizes be an issue? Using a smaller plate can help with that. I always wait for 20-30 mins after finishing dinner instead of having something sweet straight after - if I still want something, often I end up just having a few squares of chocolate instead of the whole bar I'd planned to eat.

I love mayo too! I use the lighter mayo as it had fewer calories - this could be an option?

I track calories to ensure I stay within my recommended intake which helps me keep track. This doesn't work for everyone, but it could help you regulate how much mayonnaise you eat, curb snacking, etc. For example - weigh out a portion of mayonnaise to have with your meal.

If you can afford it get an Apple Watch and subscribe to the fitness +. It’s amazing for accountability and the classes are good for all weights and abilities.

Can I just add, the Adrienne yoga on Youtube is brilliant. Worth a try for you, in the anonymous surroundings of home?

Weight loss is 80+% diet, so in your position I'd focus on that before trying to lose weight by exercise. You'd need to get to the bottom of your emotional eating first as otherwise you'll just end up back at square one again - I'm sure you know this though. In the meantime low (not no) carb and intermittent fasting would probably help kickstart your weight loss. Have you come across the Fast 800 book my Micheal Molesey? Another good one is the Obesity Code by Jason Fung - reading that was a real light bulb moment for me. Good luck to you :)

I agree with Ceiba - weight loss is mainly about diet, I'd worry about that rather than exercise. Read The Obesity Code to get some good ideas for tackling unhealthy eating habits.

Op there are exercise vids on YouTube called just walk and they are walking pace exercise designed to do at home. I adore them, enough to add too if need more but fat burning at a non joint injuring speed.
Try them, my sisters lost a stone doing them in last mth.

Getting out for a walk every day will improve your mood if nothing else. I'd try and start small but build up the distance each day. Maybe use a tracker app like Strava to motivate yourself and keep track of how you're improving over time. This worked really well for me when my fitness was wrecked by illness/surgery. It was fab to see my average walking speed increasing over time.

would you get the bus to five minutes away and then walk back? i used to do this vaguely (long story short) and when the only way you can get back home is by walking then ting ting to that.

also to imagine you are shopping with bradley cooper (for e.g.) and then you won't put 6 pints of whole nut in your trolley (as i would) becuase you have bradley cooper next to you and you want to be full of inner poise and allure etc (words nicked from bridget jones and miranda)

also a rebounder is £30 from argos and they're great even for five minutes a day.

Sounds mad, but where exercise is concerned walking is the best way to lose weight. Try for more and more steps each week, but don't eat any more (you'll be a bit hungry compared to what you're like when you don't walk) - Walking puts your heart rate into the fat burn zone, which maximises the rate at which you'll burn it off.

High cardio stuff is good for building fitness, but you won't lose weight easily because you'll get really hungry.

I don't have anything to offer on the food side of the weight loss equation except my own little mind-tricks. If I am trying to lose weight and I am eyeing up something tasty, I ask myself if I really want to undo the effort I put in last time I exercised. That might work for you, might not. My other trick is to go brush my teeth whenever I am tempted by something calorific. Mint ruins the taste of most of the good stuff, so delays me gorging on things that aren't good for me.

Good luck!

I'm not a dissimilar size to you OP. What has helped me to lose is peppermint tea and walking. I also avoid carbs (I'm not low carb but I don't try and eat them). I've also found deep breathing helpful, like very helpful.
Would using a tape measure be a better indicator than scales?
For me, currently I am spurred on by seeing my face change and sort of come out a bit more and fitting into clothes again. I started walking as I was having panic attacks and found it helpful to be outside. Now I just make sure I do a daily walk (sometimes quite slowly, taking pictures or looking at plants).
Good luck

Even if you can’t walk for long just getting out everyday will give you a psychological boost, make you feel that this is within your control so you want to improve your eating habits too.
If it feels overwhelming to tackle the food focus on getting your 5 a day and at least 2 litres of water. Again this is a psychological boost plus fruit and veg fill you up and may stop you snacking on less healthy snacks. I know a lot of people on hear hate low fat products but if you have a mayo habit try the lighter than light mayo, I think it’s about 11 cal per serving.

I would focus on understanding what motivates you. You like planning...batch cook meals in portion sizes. If you are an emotional eater don't completely deny yourself but keep it in moderation. Train yourself to go off mayo or have it once a week. Do you have someone you could go walking with?

I would recommend Tom Watsons book Downsizing. He lost a vast amount of weight. I lost the 2 stone I needed to lose and kept it off with IF

Ah OP I really understand some of your feelings. My OH tries to help me as I'm trying to loose weight and I get really self conscious and annoyed. But I know hes just trying to help, hes just telling me things I dont want to hear but need to hear.
Something he keeps telling me is it's a privilege to work out, you should do it because it feels good or set a goal that isnt weight or looks related, like I want to walk for and hour and work towards it.
It's hard OP, but the fact your talking about it is so positive.
Take small steps, its impossible to change it all at once. Eventually it will become a lifestyle you wont need to think about.

Have a look at the link between weight and insulin sensitivity. Dr Berg and Dr Jason Fung have some really good information on it on YouTube.
When you educate yourself about how your body is working and what’s causing cravings, you’ll be able to tackle it better.
Walking for exercise is really good. Don’t underestimate it.

I'm just under 15st. I signed up to the virtual lands end to john o groats challenge. A year to walk/run 874 miles. Works out to just under 3 miles a day. So doable.
I'm no runner. My knees are shot. Boobs will never be bolted down enough. But I can walk. I'm just short of 200 miles. I'm going for 100 miles a month because I've found to my surprise I can. So I will. I'm amazed at what I can actually do.
Incidentally nobody bats an eyelid at the overweight red faced older lady belting round the streets!

OP can I suggest Googling tier 3 weight management services in your area? They might be temporarily affected by covid, but they can offer you the support you need, in a kind, structured, multi disciplinary way. That way, you'd be giving yourself the very best chance of success. You deserve that

I’m dyspraxic and found a really good dance teacher who understood. When I’m dancing I forget that I’ve no coordination and it doesn’t feel like exercise.

You are valuable whatever your size. Who knows what impact you are going to have on someone's life in the future?

You love food, that is a terrific start. Fall back in love with it. Make cooking and eating your passion. choose food that is going to nourish your body from the inside. Each meal will make inside of you feel better and better and that will start showing on the outside. Take your time, this is going to become a brilliant way of life. There is no rush or short cut. It is not a punishment, you deserve and need to eat, but you deserve and need to eat good stuff.

Exercise? Yes a walk sometimes, it gets easier as the weather does and your skin looks better for it. Take the stairs where you can. Put on a song sometimes and jig about. Spend 5 minutes doing some industrious housework.

You are absolutely worth it and it might even be fun. Just my take on it, anyway

I'm almost exactly the same height and weight @fatandfrustrated I gained over 2 stone in lockdown- I'm an emotional eater and stress was a big trigger for me.

I'm uncoordinated and hate doing exercise in groups but signed up to the 30 day free trial of les mills on demand and have been doing the fast burner challenge. It's 30 minute exercises 5-6 days a week, you can go as hard or as slow as you want. Combined with calorie counting I've lost 4lbs in 4 days... not much but it's a start and I'm determined to stay on for the 6 week challenge. I've done it before (30lbs in 6 weeks with a bootcamp was the best loss) so can do it again, and you can too.

Try different things, the body coach has light options for example or there are plenty of YouTube videos aimed at beginners, walking can be great too. What kind of diet would you consider? There are lots of healthy recipes you could do to combine a love of food (two chubby Cubs and plenty of nom for example). See what works for you, whether that be diet, exercise or a combination.

The self esteem is harder to address, I've spent most of my life feeling less than because of how I look then a few years ago an old acquaintance started a fb page. She's a plus size model and has done really well, her narrative of acceptance and body positivity has been a refreshing reset of how I see myself. Possibly helped that I knew her as a very reserved and not confident person before and seeing her bloom has been amazing! She is absolutely gorgeous, the clothes she wears (and features in videos) look amazing and it's made me see 'ok plus size can look good'. I may not be happy with my weight now, but that doesn't mean I can't look and feel good while working on it.

I just want to say being fat doesn’t make you useless. I bet you would never judge a friend the same way you judge yourself. Try to be kind to you