Feel useless because I’m so bloody fat

[fatandfrustrated]

GP has just prescribed me steroid cream for a rash under my belly, whilst pointing out that it’s because I’m overweight and suggesting I do more exercise .

I’m 20 stone 8, 5 ft 9 and massive . I’ve been much bigger (23 stone) but my self esteem is shot to bits .

I don’t exercise much, as I’m too scared. I’m dyspraxic, don’t know what works for me - have never exercised in a positive way . I was removed from PE at school as they just laughed at me .

I can swim a bit, and walk, but never done it seriously . I’m pretty flexible but not enough so that I’d feel confident doing yoga . I can’t dance, or mirror other people’s movements eg aerobics, so that stuff’s out.

I’m also under cardiology investigations (genetics) so been told it’s gentle exercise only - nothing high impact, endurance or competitive .

I don’t feel at all good about myself, and I find when people try to help me I feel resentful and like I want to eat and lie in bed to spite them almost. Like speaking to Dr just now I just felt more annoyed than anything else and almost offended . Went and walked 20 minutes in the pouring rain out of anger , and I’m not sure who at exactly .

I’m not sure how I change my mindset . I CAN lose weight when I try - I lost 4 stone at sixteen, and I did it again at 21, and then 26, but each time I regained even more .

I’m an emotional eater too, I love food, I love planning my meals, and I have a weird anxiety about food too - I hoard it almost - so it’s difficult . I absolutely adore mayo - my big weakness, so it’s not good ...

I found “brain over binge” really helpful to change some of my mindless eating. I had read it before but hadn’t fully absorbed it. It’s not a quick fix and it’s not a diet but it really did change how I eat.

I am your height and was nearly 15 stone, I got WLS and the best thing I’ve ever done, although NHS waiting list is very long and you have to jump through their hoops so I paid privately and had it done within a week of making my decision to get it done

Nhs “rules” for wls are BMI of over 40, or 35 with co morbidities.

If you’re 5’9 and under 15 stone your BMI is under 30, so no chance of WLS on the NHS.

What do you weigh now, out of interest? 12 stone would put you back in the normal weight category. Tbh I’m suprised you even got the surgery privately.

@Muskox

I agree with Ceiba - weight loss is mainly about diet, I'd worry about that rather than exercise. Read The Obesity Code to get some good ideas for tackling unhealthy eating habits.

Totally agree with this. Please read this book - the kindness and understanding of what causes our obesity is so valuable. And the solutions can really work even for those of us with long ingrained emotional eating habits. I can’t recommend it enough.

And always remember, your value as a person is not related to your weight.

If you eat for emotional or comfort reasons your problem sounds like mine,. I have a good understanding of how to diet and have lost my surplus 3-4 stone on several occasions, only to put it back on when life got difficult. Having worked through Covid times managing a care service the last year has been hell and I'm back at square one again. I've recently started on Noom, the app based weight loss system which has bite sized daily lessons in how to tackle the psychological side of weight loss confirmed by little quizzes and a request to post on the in app group forum. It is early days but I'm really benefiting from thisand have changed my eating habits considerably already. Instead of coming home and eating to make up for the stresses of work instead i now ask DH to have an Adriene yoga session ready to go on his laptop and do that before I do anything else. I know she is only an on line person but her manner and methods make you feel really good about yourself and when i've finished I can manage to get dinner without 2 big sandwiches and half a pack of crackers to "keep me going" It might be worth a try. Costs about the same as ~Weightwatchers.

The only thing really that worked for me was getting a personal trainer. He got me to try a bunch of different things and made a different workout every week from the ones that worked. I'm uncoordinated so there was a lot of weights training involved and some boxing and a bit of cycling. Lots of pushing and pulling things.

I lost a fair bit of weight and toned up a lot and it was actually quite fun. I was surprised I enjoyed it and even used to look forward to it. And when a workout was particularly brutal it helped that I could put the boxing gloves on and take a swing at him.

Everyone has given such good advice.
I agree that losing weight is 80~90% diet and not really related to exercise as much as is sold to us - although invaluable for maintenance.

I think daily activity is more important than exercise - eg a person working in an active job, like in a warehouse who does no additional exercise is probably fitter/burning off more calories than someone who is desk bound 9-5 and goes to the gym.

I would suggest getting a dog (only if it's suitable with your situation and preferably not a puppy!) who will motivate you to take care of them by playing and walking them. It then becomes a shared activity - and no judgement. Walks in the rain and mud are much more rewarding when you are looking at a happy dogs wagging tail!

I live alone and I have to say my dog is a massive reason I haven't put weight on in lockdown - she's company, keeps me happy, we walk/run every day and that's great for my physical health and mental health too.

I used to be a comfort eater - and I now realise that looking after myself in other ways is much more loving - I would never feed an animal or another human the crap I used to feed myself. Healthy/better eating is not as arduous as you think, it's making sure you always have quick fresh food you can eat. It's a very loving act to nourish yourself properly - we do it for others - so why not ourselves?

You will feel the benefit of losing weight enormously. I be lost about 3 stone and I feel a brand new person physically and mentally, there are no downsides.
I love being physically active now (I'll never been a gym/yoga bunny) but just everyday activity like gardening etc is so rewarding, just feeling healthy and not tired/achey all the time.

All the best op, you've got this!

Hi @frumpety

Yes, the one I purchased doesn't actually show the weight but it's a heck of a lot lighter than a bike, it looks similar to a couple of other brands I looked at and their weight was between 7kg (lightest) and about 10kg.

I love the look of the ones with mahoosive wheels but I couldn't get hold of one.

This is the one I have, I prefer to exercise on this than jogging or cycling, and you can ride on pavements or the road. The front wheel is 20" and the back is 16" (not mentioned on the webpage). It's 8kg (just weighed it)

www.skatepro.uk/90-37663.htm

Please don't feel that you're useless, I'm sure you aren't. You've said that you've lost weight before and I'll bet you can do it again.

Could you find something else to feel enthusiastic about rather than food? Even if it's only walking, knitting or whatever. You need a different thing to focus on to push food away from being the central part of your day. I'm an emotional eater too and I loathe exercise - I'd still be bigger if I hadn't changed my mindset. Best of luck - and reward triumphs or comfort yourself with a bunch of flowers or new nail polish as needed instead of something edible.

OP, is the rash caused by skin rubbing against skin? If so, you need to put some material between the folds as this will absorb the sweat and prevent skin from rubbing against skin.

Loads of good advice on here for how to lose weight. Have a look at the Fast800 diet (groups on FB) for how to shift it quickly. It motivates as you drop quite a lot of weight quickly and you don’t need to exercise (although it is advised) but regularly getting the walks in will help.

Hi OP,

I will also recommend dehydrating bananas (or any fruit) if you can afford a dehydrator and can be bothered to slice 50 bananas in one go and waiting for them to dry.

They last for ages and take an age to eat if you don't dry them too much and leave them a bit chewy.

You can use a mandalin for faster slicing. And don't add anything to the banana, no lemon juice or anything. Natural tastes delicious. I recommend strawberry chips too, just natural and tastes like strawberry jam. Fruit is low calorie and also good calories, natural and doesn't contain shite like processed food.

Hey, "FatAndFrustrated"

Firstly, really sorry you are feeling so low in terms of how you feel about yourself. It's hard to even say it online when you feel like that.

So much of what you say resonates with me in terms of approach to weightloss.

I was not as big as you and I don't have your other physical challenges, but it took me a year to address the fact that I was several stone overweight...and counting.

And it took a change in mindset, as you have recognised.

Also, I didn't tell a soul I was on a mission - couldn't have stood any f***g comment about 'ooh, should you be eating that' or 'I thought you were on a diet' etc. And I didn't want to be under pressure.

So - because of the avoidance of pressure, I went for a very slow and steady approach. It has been about 550g a week, sometimes less. It doesn't matter. I visualise any loss as a pack of butter gone from my middle. Or 2 packs, or half a pack - everything counts.

Likewise food - I enjoy food. I enjoy looking at recipes and planning nice meals, I didn't want to adopt any out of the way diet or eating pattern.

Exercise: I was very dubious about my knees, can't keep up with dance or Zumba moves, and am a very amateur swimmer with bad technique. However, while the pools were open I started swimming regularly, slowly up and down, on my back, breast stroke, and used it for my mental well being - but I noticed an increase in fitness and tone after a few weeks.
When the pools closed, I started walking, increasing my walks, and again, using them to visit different parks or neighbourhoods, and have been increasing the distance. I start out as briskly as possible, but then just walk at whatever pace I fancy. I am not nearly as tired now after really long walks, as I was when I started out.

Food: before I always saw losing weight as a chore and a dull burden. And on at which I risked failure. So I just decided to invest in my health. Eat nice food, good food - but healthy food. Cut out snacking (except for things that I set up for myself that I like - a few excellent olives, carrot sticks, frozen cherries with a spoon of yogurt, a small mug of cocoa (not hot choc) with semi-skim milk and a teeny amount of sugar, a 100Cal portion of good brie with one lovely sourdough cracker.....

Nice meals - but easy on the portions of rice, pasta etc, and look for non-fried recipes. Using lots of spices and flavours.

Nice healthy food as a pleasure to look forward to, rather than a chore.

MN: I joined some really friendly non-judgey threads, where 'slow and steady' 'normal healthy food, not diet regimes' have been the norm. The 1lb a week thread is a good example.

Success and achievement: I allowed myself to be fuelled by my success - and every half pack of butter was a success. I can't work with 'rewards' for myself because I want the success to be its own reward and not risk 'failing' to make a reward, iyswim.

Sorry for the long post. Good Luck!

You are very definitely not useless.

I'm dyspraxic and weightlifting changed my life! Like heavy weights. It will not make you manly and it is unparalleled for me for weight loss and feeling amazing and strong. I lost 4.5 stone lifting weights and walking. And changed as a person, the first time as a dyspraxic person I'd ever felt powerful and fit! I'd really recommend it

I'm trying to lose weight myself op. It's difficult. So far I have drastically cut down on sugar/ carbs and am going for daily walks. Energy is an issue atm as I am pregnant but I'm just plodding along and hoping for the best

You sound very similar to me.

I've been overweight most of my entire life. Lost 6 stone on slim fast.... put most of it back on.... Lost 5 stone on the low GI diet, put it back on.... I emotionally eat too, and someone saying to me 'Are you sure you should be eating that?' would have me eating 4 Mars Bars, just to 'spite' that person.

I've had counselling for other things (needle phobia) and we spoke at length about my emotional eating, but whilst I've got better at having injections... food has always been an issue.

Interestingly, I was under investigation recently for potential heart issues after 2 abnormal ECG's and chest pain and whilst I've been given the all clear - it gave me the biggest kick up the arse I've ever had to try and not only lose weight, but also keep it off.

I've created my own 'healthy approach', taking what's easy for me and what I enjoy and ignoring what I 'should' do....

1. I calorie control - I enjoy carbs, I enjoy chocolate, I enjoy cooking - so for me, I prefer just counting calories to any other type of diet.

1. I walk on a treadmill in the garage whilst listening to Dr Rangan Chatterjee's podcast - I find them really interesting, really enjoyable, keeps my mind active and I actually look forward to learning more about fitness / health etc...

1. I do NOT do any exercise that makes me ache or makes me feel uncomfortable - I've had an amazing PT, she was great... but then 36 hours later, I'd have DOMS, I'd ache, I'd get grumpy and I'd reach for food... so I tend to just walk on the treadmill, or go for walks outside on my own or with a friend

1. I meditate every night - Not more than 15 minutes, but just breathing and learning to actually like myself, like my body, be grateful for the day..... It really puts me in a better mood and I've stopped seeing so many negatives about myself / my life and have seen more positives.

1. I'm not doing it for how I look - I really don't care about my appearance at the moment, I just want my heart to be as healthy as it can be - This means that I don't drink much (and when I do, I log the calories) as I ask myself 'is this good for my heart'?

It genuinely sounds like you don't know what's good for YOU and it might take a while to work it out - some people do better at some diets over others, so could you look to potentially making small changes to your life (ones that you feel are easy for YOU to make?) and go from there? there's no point in doing a 'big bang' approach as it makes it far more likely you'll not continue after a few weeks?

...... Example - I hate mayonnaise, I could live without it... but salad cream on the other hand..... Bloody love the stuff and continue eating it most days! So, I just log the calories.... So I do think you need to figure out what works for you