Well I just made a massive tit of myself! Any similar stories to make me feel better?

[BigTit]

I’ve taken up interval running during lockdown, albeit with very big intervals between walking and running . I live in an area where the paths are made of small blocks with a lot of them raised up and they’re a bit of a trip hazard.

Anyway I was walking briskly towards a road crossing on my way to cross. Lots of people waiting for the lights (loads of people out walking now the weathers better) and I spotted a school mum on the other side of the road, with her DH and DC. She’s a bit of an alpha mum who looks down her nose at people, not very nice. I noticed she’d put on quite a bit of weight the last time I’d seen her. I used to be very overweight and have lost 5 stone over the last year. I knew I was looking pretty fit so was feeling good and a little bit smug.

Well just before I got to the crossing I fell over spectacularly almost face planting on the ground. I’d tripped over a raised bit of the path, fell really heavily on my knees and was in agony. Luckily I was able to get straight up (wouldn’t have able to a while back!) to lots ooohhhhs. School mum asked me if was alright with a bit of a smirk on her face. I felt like a right tit and now probably won’t be running for a while ! If I hadn’t been looking at her I probably wouldn’t have tripped!

Now on sofa with ice on swollen bloody knees. Anyone else made a similar idiot of themselves to cheer me up!

Oh god, my friend walked into a lamp post. She was perving at a guy on the other side of the road, trying to look all sexy and doink.. I can actually remember the clunking noise as her head bounced off the lamp post

She did that thing that cats do when they fall off something; kind of dusted herself off and limped away in agony, ignoring the laughter

As a vain teen, I wouldn't wear my (much needed) glasses. Front of queue at bus stop, I put my arm out to signal for the approaching bus to stop. Only it was a blue lorry and the whole queue were laughing at me.

Oh, I also fell down the stairs of a Boots store just opposite Green Park tube station - embarrassingly because I was checking myself out in the full wall mirror on the turn of the stairs instead of looking where I was going. Styled it out (I like to think) but it hurt like f*!!

Walking down a very steep cornish hill with DM. It had been raining, I slipped on a manhole cover and slid about 5 feet down the hill and one leg folded under the other, twisting my knee and ripping my jeans. Fucking hell it hurt! A lot of looks from passers by (it was the Christmas Market weekend too). Lovely woman stopped to help as she was a nurse. DM called dh and df to come down as I couldn't get up. They arrived and df nearly slipped in the same place. Their priority seemed to be moving me to the side of the road as it was a one way street... 18 cars drove past after that!

About 25 yrs ago I used to wear DM boots that were hiking style with the hook thing that you wrap the laces round instead of holes. I wore them to work with a long skirt (twas the 90s), sat at my desk with my ankles crossed, and stood up to walk away not realising that each lace had become locked to the hooks of the other boot and fell spectacularly on my face because my ankles were basically tied together. Mortified.

As a teenager I went to get off a bus that had almost - but not quite - stopped moving. Flat on face. Driver stopped, a busload of people staring, and yelled was I alright - I jumped up, yes yes fine, then promptly burst into tears after the bus drove away.

I did the heel getting caught in those drain cover things on a first date. Fell on my face and he was left tugging my shoe to get it out of drain while I sat bare footed on the pavement 🤦‍♀️

I was looking at my reflection in windows as I walked through a corridor at work then stumbled down steps as I was still looking.

I cycled to a country pub where everyone was sitting outside, on a sunny day, and as I tried to dismount my feet got stuck in the pedal straps and I went over with the bike.

At the school gates feeling isolated from the terrifying school mums clique, a dove landed on my head and wouldn’t get off. Massively embarrassing. It dug its claws in so was uncomfortable too.

So many embarrassing memories...

Talking of dates always reminds me of this one. She was laughing about this and they even had another date!
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/uk-england-bristol-41167296

I was in Bulgaria on holiday and we went up from the pool for lunch. DS3 was in the pushchair so I was walking backwards up the steps and went I got to the top stepped back, not onto the path but a 4 foot hedge. I landed in the bushes with he buggy on top. DH managed to lift the pushchair and DS off me and I had to crawl out the bushes onto the poolside in a bikini and pool dress. I wanted to dive in and drown!

Walking in the park today with DP and DS and I tripped on a twig and landed on the floor in a heap...scraped my hand and twisted my ankle so looked and felt like a complete twerp .

The skirt in the escalator!😂

(No idea how to mention anyone as using phone - sorry)

That reminded me of another incident.

Went to the Lake District with ExH years ago and stayed at a swanky country house hotel with stables nearby. Thought it would be fun to go for a ride - in a group of strangers. Being on holiday I didn't have any proper riding gear so was wearing vintage Levis and borrowed wellies from the riding place.

All was going well until we went through a five bar gate. My steering must have gone a bit awry and the gaping welly top caught on the gate post. Tried to stop but my horse wasn't having it & blithely carried on (having enjoyed squishing me up against the post I suspect). I ended up almost doing the splits and something had to give. What gave was the arse of the Levis. Had to then ride back doing a rising trot, merrily flashing my white backside at the man behind me.

You learn to laugh it off.

Hold your head high for all you've achieved getting into it and losing weight.

My ds had a physical disability and tripping and falling is an occupational hazard. He's learnt to style it out!

@BalloonSlayer

My DCs always used to stay down exactly where they fell until I picked them up. They always looked like they were waiting for the scene of crime officer to put tape around their bodies.

I tripped 7 weeks before my first half marathon, jeopardising months of training. Gel so ridiculous. Hobbled home. Was still ok to run a couple of weeks later but it slowed my time in the big day 😞

But a story to cheer you up.

40+4. Very bumpy and lived abroad in a hot and hilly country.

So as you do you go shopping on a bus in flip flops

As I'm walking up the hill I skid on my sweaty flip flop and fall and due to my womble shaped body fall back with my head down the hill and legs up it.

I was fine.

Lovely bloke coming out of the car park next to me wasn't. He saw me and leapt into action and as he jumped from his car caught his foot on his seatbelt and face planted. Cue another person who couldn't decide whether to deal with me who's laughing but unable to actually sit up or the guy with cut face and bleeding.

Luckily said person was someone who lived on my street. So they happily say me up, dealt with bleeding man and then luckily for me shopped with me and drove me home.

And I still didn't go into Labour for another 48 hours 🤣

@BalloonSlayer

We were in Rome, in the Forum area which has marble pavements. Bit sloppy in flip flops. It was packed. Waiting to cross the road, standing on a slight slope, my feet just slid out from under me. I landed heavily on my arse and my feet went right up in the air as well, just like Charlie Chaplin.

There was a chorus of "ooooooh!" from the, oh, about five hundred fascinated spectators in the vicinity.

I also did the flip flop slip on marble on holiday and my toe bled spectacularly.

I think the moral of my stories is not to wear flip flops

Many years ago when I was 16/17, rushing to get lunch on my break from work and walked into one of those shops that used to have a metal grill sort of thing.
It was a really, really busy large store like John Lewis and my stiletto heel got stuck, I pulled and pulled, by this time people had started to notice, eventually the heel snapped and I was so embarrassed I walked off without the heel.

This reminds me of a time long ago in my brand new sky high stiletto platforms, on a cobbled street after a couple of wines.

Literally could not stand up. The heels were catching and sliding on the cobbles and I kept going down. My friends had to carry me to safety. I looked like a pissed teenager.

I threw away those scratched, dented, ridiculous shoes that very night!

I once had to grab hold of a thief in the middle of a busy north London street . I was on my own because I'd been giving a lift home to a young lad who'd been released from custody. As I caught him . he started to fight me, so I pushed him up against a building to contain him until further assistance arrived. However , I pushed him up against someone's door . It turned out to be latched open , so we fell through it and ended up sprawled in their living room, right under their nose . I don't know who was more surprised !

The funniest part was that the lad I was taking home told all his mates that I'd thrown a robber through the door - and they always behaved for me ever after !

On holiday, last july (not UK). Pulling into the wharf on a ferry, with DD.
We’d just heard over the tannoy that a new (severe) lockdown would come into effect the next day, I was obviously a bit distracted.

We were among the first of about 250 to get off. I caught the toe of one boot in a grate on the wharf and went down like a sack of potatoes. Every single other person on the steps behind me had a front row seat. A group of random kind kids got to me first and tried to help. I was doing that ‘I’m fine, I’m fine’ thing, while the pain and fear I’d broken something filled my brain. Big, deep scrapes on my face, knees, both palms. Blood everywhere, cream coat.

I pulled myself up, and a woman my age pointedly handed me back the bag of two (unbroken!) wine bottles I’d been carrying (from a winery visit earlier that afternoon). I had to hobble, bottles clinking accusingly, the 200 metres to the car park. I held back the tears of pain, but overflowed when DD10 said sympathetically ‘l wish I could drive us home, mum.’
She was sweet, made me a tea and went around the street asking neighbours for bandages for me. So then I ended up with another audience of people checking I was ok!

It took absolute ages to heal, and my dignity took even longer!

Before we wore masks I had a sniff of some shower gels in the supermarket. I obviously squeezed too hard and ended up snorting shower gel. A little girl saw and told the whole aisle. Loudly. I did my entire shop with other customers sniggering when they saw me. I bought the shower gel. And gave it to a friend. Every time I looked at it I remembered the shame.