How do I get out of Zoom catch-up without looking rude

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

I'm done with Zoom socialising. I spend all day on video calls for work and the last thing I want to do is talk to people via a screen on a weekend. A group of friends organised a zoom catch up a few weeks ago. I made an excuse at the time. But now there's another one today. How do I get out of it without looking like a bitch?! I only see these friends a couple of times a year in normal times. I honestly can't face it. Help me!!!

internet issues - log on say hi, then disappear

If you live with anyone get them to switch off the internet 5 mins in and then say you’ve got internet issues.

Why not just say you aren't able to make it today? I don't think you need to give a detailed explanation. I can't bear chatting over Zoom. I do enough of it during the week and no desire to do it on the weekend too, so I pretty much turn down all offers. I also think it's completely fine to say that you just need a break from Zoom socialising and you'll look forward to catching up when things are a bit more normal. I've said that plenty of times and people really are fine with (and actually many of them are relieved and say they feel the same). You are almost certainly not the only one in the group who is not looking forward to it.

Tell the truth, you’re zoomed out. Most people get it.

Right am gonna do that. Just feel like a bitch. But the thought of it is making me anxious.

On the other hand, it might be worth trying it and seeing how you feel. Sometimes I've dreaded zoom calls for the same reason, and then they've surprisingly lifted me up?

Just tell the truth. One of my friends did just this last week. None of us minded one bit ... we all understood, and at least one of us felt the same! Good on her. :)

You aren't a bitch OP. Zooms are exhausted. I have worked out a limit I can cope with and think you should too.

or try it, perhaps it will be light relief?

I'd just explain why you don't want to do it. I wouldn't either. If they're decent friends they should understand.

I feel exactly the same way. Spend all week talking on Teams and hate it, don’t want to see a screen on the weekend. Also, having my laptop open means I can see emails coming in and work I haven’t finished yet and I’m too anxious not to check 🤦🏼‍♀️

After months of hating it, worrying, the odd argument with in laws and a couple of “excuses” that worked (but would only work once), I told everyone that I miss them so much I could cry, but can’t do Zoom anymore as I am just fatigued from all the screens and I hate it so much that participating in them makes this whole shitty situation even worse for me. I asked if we could just add more photos to WhatsApp chats until this shit is over and I can jump in my car/on a plane and immediately visit everyone.

Turns out I wasn’t the only one feeling like this, I am no longer expected to show up and (as far as I can tell) no one thinks I’m rude. Relief!

I must admit, it was lovely to see my old friends the other night but I did struggle & fretted afterwards that I’d a) talked too much & b) talked over people cos I couldn’t hear them properly! Ironically I could hear my friend in NZ way more clearly than my friend 5 minutes down the road!

My natural people pleasing inclination would be to make up a water tight reason but I am agreeing with the others.

Go against your natural grain. Tell them to let you know when the next one is but you have to sit this one out.

I’d also say the truth: I’ve spent all week on calls with work and am exhausted, I don’t think it would do me good to look at a screen today as I’m using the weekend to rest and recover. I hope everyone is doing ok with everything that’s happening.

I have a few social zoom calls and there’s always at least one person who doesn’t join for this exact reason, no one minds and some comment that they also may just stay on the call for a short time as they have zoom fatigue.

I was honest and said zoom just makes me miss people more and left it at that. I did feel a bit awkward but the last time I did a zoom friends thing jr was so painful with everyone talking over each other , not knowing when to speak etc so I ended up barely talking and a friend even texted me to ask if I was ok as I was being quiet - I decided there and then not to do anymore !!

Tech issues

I felt that way about a zoom catch up recently, but ended up joining in, and actually felt much better and happier afterwards. Maybe make an excuse to leave early?

Can you set a time limit in advance? I've done that before when I'm feeling screened out, and said I want to see you all but I've had too much of this during the day and I'm shattered. I'll pop on the call for 15 mins to say hi, but then I'm going to quietly slip away. No offence given, and I find it easy to do if I know it's just for a short while.

I'd be honest!

I'm part of a group of friends, some love to Zoom, some refuse to take part and some are happy to join and just listen in (me!)

No one thinks badly of any of the haters/minimal talkers. It isn't for everyone, whether that's because you've had enough of them with work or not.

Your friends should be fine, if not then I'd be disappointed with them

Have told them and they're fine about it. Oh the relief!!!

I had a friend who refused to come to my birthday zoom. She said she'd see me after all this. That's never then as I've moved now. I won't bother with her again.

There's definitely a need for compromise between refusing all zooms and needing some relief from being zoomed out.

OP...good for you...I think most ppl understand that the Zooms are too much if you use for work alot too... have a nice relaxing day now

I guess that's the thing: if someone has spent the entire week on Teams or Zooms, you might get a bit fatigued, but if someone else hasn't, and wants to say hi, have a chat etc via the only method available to them, and you just don't want to, it can look like you just don't care that much about them.

I zoom once a fortnight (interval mutually agreed) with two work colleagues who I all but never see at work. Every single time, one will be too busy so we reschedule for the following week, and every single time they start the zoom with 'this will just be a quick one', and an hour and a half later, we're still chatting. Every time. Along with 'once this is over, we must, must, must go away for a weekend!' (As we used to). But we'll have nothing to talk about, and we will have drifted apart if we don't try and maintain our friendship during lockdown, will we?

But please don't start with a statement that implies you barely have time for me when you evidently do!

i think you should forgive your friend @Gwenhwyfar