Would you let your baby sleep in another room at wedding

[nellly]

Hello all, this is far in the future but you know, it's lockdown, not much else to do but think!

Brother and Sil are getting married next spring (2022) we are expecting our first baby this year who will be 8/9 months at time of wedding.

It's a small wedding in a 14 bedroom country house, only family staying over, sil suggested we can have the room down the hall from the reception space and baby can sleep and we can just keep baby monitor with us.

We obviously don't have kids yet so not sure if this is ok? Or will it work? Would you have felt comfortable with this at that age?

House will be locked and is rural, far from other buildings. Only family staying and baby will be in travel crib approx 20ft down a hall from parents eating and chatting, we're not big drinkers?

No way, why take the risk? I am sure you will feel differently when baby is here OP, the bond & overwhelming protection I have felt towards my babies, would never have allowed me to consider taking any risk whatsoever.

I wouldn’t think about it until a few days before and see how you feel and what baby is like.

If it were my siblings wedding I would expect my OH to be with baby in the room, and me if it were his sibling.

Or could you have a baby sitter in the room someone you know and trust and pay!

I don't understand these responses, would you not leave your baby asleep in a room in a holiday cottage?

What's the difference?

I can't quite imagine the house. I think that you're exaggerating to make it sound better when you say 20ft.

My bedroom is 20ft wide, you say the baby will be 6 metres away from a party for 40 people? It doesn't make sense. I think the room must be much further away?

Just put the baby in a pram in the room with you and then if you really want to put it to bed then you take it in turns to sit with the baby.

No. It’s locked doors and fire that worries me.

We attended weddings whilst our children were babies and just kept them with us asleep in the pram or sling.

And I can guarantee there will be plenty of people that will want to look after a sleeping baby!

We went to weddings with baby. We found between the church/service and sitting down for the main meal when there was the drinks bit was ideal for baby to sleep, we would have a little drinks reception in our bath room with baby asleep or take it turns to stay in the room. I wouldn’t have left baby in the room without an adult present tbh.

I'm not exaggerating lol I've never actually been or seen it this is all so far based off one convo with sil! She said 20ft approx to adjacent room but could be wrong, I'm sure that's not what she was measuring up for when deciding on a venue!!

I'm sure we'll be able to keep baby in the main room with everyone anyway

The Madeleine Mccann case is why i wouldn't leave my baby in a hotel room.

It seems a very small distance away. 6 metres away is tiny, might as well be in the same room.

As an aside, she has measured up the house? what for?!

We did this at my sisters wedding - someone else had a baby too and their parents, us and our parents all took it in turns to sit with them in short bursts. Because there were a few of us, the rotations were quite short so it didn't feel like we missed much.

Personally I'd leave the baby with your in see the whole time. Have a nice time to yourselves too.
If this is not possible then keep the baby in the party room with you

I don't think I would, no.

If it were an option, my ideal solution would be to leave the baby in the care of family not connected to the wedding overnight.

Not only would I feel safer doing this, I also think it would prevent the potential for arguments and resentment if the baby isn't settling and one or both of you is missing out on having fun.

If that isn't an option for you, then I think a pre planned rota would probably be best.

The Madeleine Mccann case is why i wouldn't leave my baby in a hotel room.

There’s a world of difference. This is an adjacent room, in a house with just family and friends in it. Madeleine McCann was left in an unlocked room on the other side of a holiday resort, accessible by strangers.

I don't think I would leave them in a different room unattended at that age.

Mine used to sleep in their own rooms from early on, but that was at home & we could hear what was happening.

Also it might sound OTT but Madeline McCann was having people pop back regularly to check & she disappeared. You don't know for sure who is around.

I would say take turns for 30 mins & set up a rota.

We got married in a small country hotel. My sister had a young baby at the time and so we had exactly the same issue. She decided she wasn't comfortable with the baby monitor approach and so we found a local babysitter through personal recommendation who just sat with the baby in their bedroom so she was able to join us for dinner without worrying. She went to bed a bit earlier than the rest of us and the babysitter left. Worked really well.

That was once the baby was asleep BTW. Earlier in the day she was just part of the group. Taking turns swapping in and out wouldn't have worked well for us because it was such a small group and we had a multi course meal (it was a michelin restaurant and no one would have wanted to miss any of it!)

No, I wouldn't have been happy doing this.

I can't believe how paranoid so many people are. There was no baby monitor involved in the Madeline Mccan case and the parents weren't in the same building. A completely different scenario.

As others have suggested, I would have baby with me/DH in pram or sling.

I wouldn’t feel this was inherently risky, no. Would purely be a case of how well the baby slept as to what would make most sense.

Paranoia about fires and abduction is just that - these are very very unlikely to happen, as long as I had a monitor and was reasonably close to the room I would feel quite comfortable.

Fires and abductions can happen while you’re asleep in your own home - at least when you’re awake with a baby monitor you are alert to anything that’s happening.

OP I think in the scenario you've described (and temperament of your baby allowing) this would be fine. We can assume that people who live in giant houses put their children to bed more than 20 feet away.

As an aside; I find the general Mumsnet perception that all hotels are staffed entirely by baby-snatching perverts just waiting for an opportunity both bizarre and offensive. Equally as ridiculous is the idea that 'anyone' working in a hotel has unfettered access to your room.

@Bubbinsmakesthree

I wouldn’t feel this was inherently risky, no. Would purely be a case of how well the baby slept as to what would make most sense.

Paranoia about fires and abduction is just that - these are very very unlikely to happen, as long as I had a monitor and was reasonably close to the room I would feel quite comfortable.

Fires and abductions can happen while you’re asleep in your own home - at least when you’re awake with a baby monitor you are alert to anything that’s happening.

I don’t have paranoia about fires, thanks PP. Yes they don’t happen very often (although if you did some investigation you would find out they happen much more than you think they do) but that doesn’t take away the fact that they do happen.

The differences between leaving my children in a separate room alone in a hotel and in my home include:
I never have a locked door between my children and me when they’re in a different room and therefore access in an emergency such as a fire is very quick - not paranoia, it’s recommended.
We have planned escape routes from our house - not paranoia, it’s recommended.
My smoke alarms are fitted by professionals, tested regularly and I know what they sound like - again, not paranoia, it’s recommended.

None of those things you can guarantee in a place you do not live and whilst freak accidents happen, why would you not at least try and reduce the risk?

I think people are confused about the accomodation. This is essentially renting a large country cottage. Like on a self catering holiday. Would you not leave your child to sleep in another room when you were self catering? Yes a few more family and friends but you'd hear on the baby monitor if God forbid someone went into the room without permission.

OP I wouldn't have any issues if you had a decent travel cot and a good baby monitor. Pop in regularly to check little one is okay. Perhaps keep them with you until catering staff have gone if you're unduly concerned, or lock the door. To me being in a privately rented house is no different to being at home with friends, so long as they aren't on the complete opposite side of the house which is sounds like it wouldn't be the case!

We had sil try to push this on us when Dd was a baby. It was a no from me. I co slept anyway, so I don't know how she thought Dd was going to magically go to sleep on her own.

Dd didn't sleep until 9:30 - I would've taken her to the room at 9 Ish. This was deemed unacceptable.

In the end me and Dd stayed at home.