Would you let your baby sleep in another room at wedding

[nellly]

Hello all, this is far in the future but you know, it's lockdown, not much else to do but think!

Brother and Sil are getting married next spring (2022) we are expecting our first baby this year who will be 8/9 months at time of wedding.

It's a small wedding in a 14 bedroom country house, only family staying over, sil suggested we can have the room down the hall from the reception space and baby can sleep and we can just keep baby monitor with us.

We obviously don't have kids yet so not sure if this is ok? Or will it work? Would you have felt comfortable with this at that age?

House will be locked and is rural, far from other buildings. Only family staying and baby will be in travel crib approx 20ft down a hall from parents eating and chatting, we're not big drinkers?

I can’t quite visualise the space - large house, only family on site, no other guests or staff - yes, I’d leave a sleeping 9mo baby in a different bedroom with a baby monitor while I was in the sitting room or kitchen. Though as people have said, DS would not have slept well in that situation so I would have spent the evening in with him anyway.

Smallish hotel with multiple wedding guests and staff (it’s not really clear whether it’s “only family are attending”, or “only family are staying the night”), baby in room some way away that anybody could potentially get into, while I’m in the bar - definitely not.

It's true you might end up with one of those babies that sleeps through noise. I reckon my first could have just been back carried at that age and put to bed later

@ineedaholidaynow

So is it like a small hotel or just a big house?

This is a very pertinent question.

Big house, no staff coming and going, locked doors and just trusted family/friends = yes I would leave baby to sleep with a monitor. No different to parents who live in a country manor house, for e.g.!

A small hotel with unmonitored staff coming and going (who may unknowingly let strangers in, believing them to be part of the wedding party, for example) = no, I wouldn't leave baby alone.

Not a chance

I would be absolutely fine with this. I have done similar when we have stayed in big houses for friends birthday celebrations. None of mine would have slept in their buggy or in noisy rooms at that age. I would probably take a video monitor.

I wouldn't even consider it but interesting to see the pretty even split in responses. We were in this exact situation a few years ago and I think my in-laws thought I was a neurotic mother but to each their own etc.

Cross posted. I'd be happy to leave baby alone based on this information, once catering team have left and the door is locked:

It's a large country house, catering team will be there to serve evening meal and then leave so will just be us. Door locks if that's what we want to do.

I did the same thing when we exclusively hired a B&B for a large family gathering when my DS was about 12 months old.

We have done similar before and it's been fine, tried at another event and it was too noisy to hear the monitor so I went to bed as I couldn't relax. I'd see how you feel/what the situation is like and how the baby is.

I've kept them with me asleep in the pram before too at weddings.

Get a sitter honestly and enjoy the wedding

Definitely depends on the baby imo - sorry that’s unhelpful! DD did a wedding with us at 4 months and slept in the pram in the party room, there was a 1 year old there whose parents tag teamed but this was a more traditional hotel with 24/7 staff having access to the rooms. Equally I’ve been on a group holiday to a private hire large house and a 6 month old was left in a bedroom with a monitor but no staff there. I think my line would be:

• baby doesn’t get left in a room which can be accessed by anyone other than people trusted by the parents
• baby doesnt get left if the monitor range is glitchy
• baby doesn’t get left if a poor sleeper (more for your benefit!)

If those 3 criteria are met I think I’d do it.

No, I wouldn't even consider it.

Is there a reason you can’t just keep the baby with you rather than putting them down in a room

Some babies won’t sleep in noisy rooms. Dd wouldn’t have done. She might have nodded off for a bit, but she would have woken up after an hour or so and been furious and impossible to re-settle. She needed peace and quiet - still does, at 10 years old.

Ds is the opposite - complete chaos monkey. Babies vary; just because some are happy snoozing in prams at parties doesn’t mean they all are.

I was a bridesmaid when my baby was 4 months. I took her buggy and bassinet, pushed her around til she went to sleep then stuck some ear defenders on her and kept her with us all day/evening. I’m fairly relaxed but I wouldn’t have wanted to leave her in a room by herself just in case. I would say see how you feel and be prepared for all options on the day.

I would be worried about fire.. I know it sounds dramatic but Cameron House 4 star hotel was gutted by fire with 2 deaths because staff and management weren't bothered by fire safety.

I think at 8/9 months old I would be ok with this.

Are you saying this is an evening small party with just close family and you'll be in a holiday cottage? That would be absolutely fine. We've stayed with family for christmas, etc. and put ours to bed upstairs and carried on the party downstairs. At a proper wedding with randoms you don't know, no, I wouldn't, but with only a few close family, absolutely fine. It's no different than staying over at someone's house.

That said, we went to a wedding with our youngest about that age. He slept in the pushchair or in the sling and we carried on at the wedding until 10pm. It was fine. That is probably easier than trying to get a (likely overstimulated) baby to sleep in a strange place with lots of noise going on. But if you have a baby that sleeps easily in a cot, the room option would be fine too.

Get a sitter honestly and enjoy the wedding

This one of tbe hotel staff may be happy to stay in the room with the baby. This was my summer job at Uni, easy money.

I think I'd be more ready to leave him in the care of other grandparents than alone in a room. Have you seen the venue & location of room? You cd check it out without saying it to your sister. I'm not a grandparent yet...but my friend has on occasion stayed in a hotel with her DS & DIL to mind baby when they were at wedding...she wasn't a guest & didn't intrude on wedding party at all ..she brought baby for outdoor walks, DIL was breast feeding so she nipped up & down to do that..one or other parent settled him to sleep & then granny slept in room with him so they cd be off having fun. It saves having to make other family guests feel they have to do a stint of sitting with baby. My friend didn't care about nit being part of it & staying in the shadows...she was thrilled to have hours of baby to herself! It is worth thinking about but the wedding were in bigger hotels with lots of accommodation so they booked an extra room for my friend early on..... might not be possible in a boutique hotel/manor house if there are limited rooms...

I don't think it is an inherently risky option, I'd want baby nearby but other room, in that situation sounds ok.
I think it would depend more on babies character, one of my DC would have slept like a log in a pram at the side of the room where the socials were happening... The hubbub would have been good white noise to them, my other one... Not so much. 😁

Just wanted to say that your SiL sounds lovely and is trying to be very considerate to you. She knows you'll have a young baby with you and has made a very sensible suggestion.

Take the room and decide nearer the time if you feel comfortable with leaving your baby to sleep in there. Otherwise you have the option of letting the baby fall asleep in the buggy and keeping him/her with you for the evening.

Thanks all some really good pointers, I absolutely don't need to decide now or even before the night lol she just made the comment and I started idly wondering, this is my first so I have no idea what happens with these things!

It's a small wedding with less than 40 people over all, mostly family, two small family groups, brother/sil friends with kids who I've met at bbqs etc.

We will see how it feels with the layout etc and once we actually have the baby and know how they sleep, there's so much unknown my mind is just running away with me

Ask hotel if they can provide / recommend a babysitter

Yeah I would be fine with this if all the guests were known and trusted. If locked and just family no different to sleeping in guest room at BILs. Baby monitor on at all times though. Does depend from a practical perspective how good a sleeper baby is though. Mine would sleep until 1 am so would have been fine.

I think it sounds fine but I also don't think you should plan for one option. You don't know what the baby will be sleeping like or even if it sleeps like it usually does when it's there. So plan to leave it in the room with a monitor or with a person, and plan to carry in a sling and plan to let it sleep in the pushchair in the corner.I had one who would only sleep on me and one who rarely slept in a sling and had to be placed down awake in a cot.

I think it's fine to plan to do that and see how it goes. You can always do differently if it feels wrong. I wouldn't do it in a hotel due to the way the door locks and in case of fire etc but in a normal house I would. Especially as baby monitors are routinely screens/cameras these days.