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Original poster

I need to be calmed down please help

50 replies

Anxiousandalone · 20/02/2021 22:44

I’m in a bad state mentally, I’ve had to sent my toddler to my dads for the night because I feel close to a break down. He’s in my bubble so please don’t flame me.

I struggle with health anxiety towards my DD she’s 4 in 2 months. Ever since birth I’ve been backward s and forwards to the doctors with her for every sign of an illness. I regret it deeply and I’m sorry for wasting there time when I needed to get a grip. I’ve always been a worrier, but since having PND I’m 10,000 times worse. I find things to worry about in every aspect of my life, and when I get over that worry I tell myself I’ll never do it again and then my mind will wonder and I’ll start fixating and worrying over something else.

I’ll cut to the chase now.
4ish weeks ago i was positive for covid, on the day I became infected my daughter had her pre school boosters. Then 2ish weeks after that she then test positive for covid also. I know she had a temperature before she test positive obviously must of been down to her boosters, and then the temperature carried on due to covid. She still has a lingering low grade fever, which has sent my anxiety sky high, to the point I’ve googled it and scared myself SHITLESS. I don’t even want to admit what I think she has at the moment. Because she’s had a temperature for so long the docs wanted her to have a blood test which I took her for but they couldn’t do it because she was SO distressed. I called the doctor to explain and he said “what do you expect me to do about it?”
Basically he thinks it’s the tail end of the virus. If I didn’t check her temp I wouldn’t know anything different. She’s eating and drinking well, she’s playing, running around and sleeping well. Her wee and poo are totally fine.

BUT...-

My mind is running away with me, to the point I’m thinking of ways I can kill my self because I’ve convinced myself my DD is going to die and I don’t want to live without her. I can’t live without her, I am so fucking terrified of losing my precious baby I can’t sleep I can’t eat I just cry. I can’t even look her in the face because if her cheeks are slightly red I start panicking and get into a state, I’ve had to stop checking her temperature also because I’m not fit to look after her after I have taken it. She only has to tell me she’s tired and I go into panic mode again because I think she’s lethargic (she’s not). I’m 100% convinced I’m going to lose her and I don’t know what to do.

I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense, i needed this off my chest. I lost all my friends because of my anxiety and I have no one to talk to because they are sick of telling me she’s fine. I can’t calm myself down. Please someone talk to me

OP posts:

Original poster

Anxiousandalone · 20/02/2021 22:45

If you think I’m a pathetic mess please just leave the thread. I don’t mean to come across that way and can’t take harsh words right now

OP posts:

Brokenchair1 · 20/02/2021 22:51

No harsh words here. Glad you have a family member who can support you. Are you taking any meds for your anxiety. I suggest you contact Dr first thing Monday to discuss options. Are the children's father there as support.

You are doing the best you can in difficult circumstances but i think you need to push for more support for your own mental health.

autumnboys · 20/02/2021 22:51

Bless you, OP. It’s been a terrible year all round and I’m sure that won’t have helped your anxiety. Everything has been much more intense. Well done for letting your Dad take her for the night, I hope the break does you good.

Do you think your Dad could have her for you if you make yourself a GP appointment, so you can freely talk about how you’re feeling and how hard you’re finding things at the moment? I think it would be really good to reach out for some help. All the best

Interested in this thread?

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shivermetimbers77 · 20/02/2021 22:53

That sounds really horrible for you OP, so frightening and exhausting: health anxiety can be really debilitating. Have you had any therapy for your health anxiety? CBT can be really helpful.

PurpleDaisies · 20/02/2021 22:54

I agree, seeking real life medical help is what you need. Your GP will almost certainly be understanding.

Thatwentbadly · 20/02/2021 22:54

Oh sweetheart your not pathetic. You need medical help to support you with your anxiety. Please, please try the doctors on Monday and make an appointment for yourself. Screen shot and show them your post.

Try doing this right now

copingskillsforkids.com/blog/2016/4/27/coping-skill-spotlight-5-4-3-2-1-grounding-technique

PerpendicularVincent · 20/02/2021 22:55

No harsh words at all, I understand having felt similarly myself in the past. That you recognise you need help is a positive.

Does your dad know how you feel? If not, can you tell him in case you need to talk and/or ask him to have your DD overnight again?

I agree that you need to speak to a doctor ASAP - please also ask if you can be referred for CBT. It really helped me

gottakeeponmovin · 20/02/2021 22:56

OP if you carry on like this it's likely it will have an impact on your daughters mental health as she grows up. You need to go and see the GP. I have health anxiety although not as bad as yours and they can help you

Fembot123 · 20/02/2021 22:56

God you poor thing, DD sounds like she absolutely fine. Health anxiety is awful, I hope you can get a gp appointment

wishuponarainbow · 20/02/2021 23:02

Hello op, just want to see well done to you for reaching help.
If you can, do some things that are being kind to you at the moment (shower/bath/book) something small but to help you refocus. Then I would suggest you calling to speak to someone now if you can about your anxiety.
Your little girl has a mummy who loves her very much and needs her mummy around so please please don't do anything silly.
I'm sure others will have better advice but in the meantime please know that you are loved xx

Original poster

Anxiousandalone · 20/02/2021 23:02

Thank you for quick reply’s.

I’m not on any medication as I was coping fine then this happened and I’ve gone downhill over 4 weeks. I’m going to call the surgery on Monday and see what they suggest.
My dad knows I’m worrying but doesn’t know the extent of how bad I’m getting. He’s saw my like this once before josh before the pandemic hit and he keeps telling me to calm down before I make myself poorly again. I’ve never ever felt like this before never worried about my daughter dying the way I am now. I’m not having very good thoughts I wished I could shut off my mind for a while. I’m so fucking exhausted and broken.

OP posts:

thebellsofsaintclements · 20/02/2021 23:04

op. I know how it is and have been through the same. I've been convinced my DC had brain tumours, leukaemia etc.

Needless to say it's always turned out not to be the case. But the anxiety is real and crippling. Its very common to feel this way I think, I've got lots of friends who have been through the same.

What's helped the most is NO GOOGLING and keeping busy during the worst periods if it.

I'm sure your DD is absolutely fine! Do have that blood test, just to reassure yourself. And be good to yourself.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 20/02/2021 23:05

The Samaritans are always there to talk to. Give them a call, I'm sure you'll find it helpful 116 123.

typicalvalues · 20/02/2021 23:11

I had PND with my first and it was hell. Sheer mental torture. I cannot imagine what having PND during this pandemic would be like, especially since you both now have covid. Sweetheart, you need to start on anti-depressants. Speak to your doctor. Your overwhelming anxiety is part of PND BUT it is is also amplified because of Covid.

There is not a bloody thing wrong with you apart from PND IMO.
Feel free to chat for support as the meds can take a while to start working. They might put you on something for anxiety while you're waiting for the anti-depressants to work (though I don't think that is NHS policy).
And WELL DONE to your Dad for helping out!! Not many people have Dads who would take a baby overnight so you come from a lovely family.

Springb0ks · 20/02/2021 23:11

You poor thing. I understand because I have been there. What I recognise in your post though is your acknowledgement that this is the anxiety causing you to feel like this. I think that's really positive and for me was the first step to getting help and feeling better.

What helped me was deleting all social media, not googling anything, taking each second/ minute and hour for what it was and not thinking ahead. I was medicated and accessed CBT. It was a long struggle to retrain my brain but I got there.

Please see the GP to discuss how you are feeling. If medication worked before is it possible that can help you? Here all evening as not sleeping due to my own worries if you want to chat.

BarryFromEastenders · 20/02/2021 23:14

You’re going through a lot, and it’s really understandable that a brush with Covid has sent you into an anxiety tailspin. All the testing and rigamarole and rules around it make it even more stressful than a regular illness you might normally deal with. I don’t have health anxiety but I know what you mean about fearing even looking at your child in case you see something that makes your worry they’re ill. There is a part of me that wants to run away when my son is ill, I feel so scared. It’s the most frightening idea, something being wrong with your child, and the responsibility you feel can be completely overwhelming. It must have been very stressful having covid and then her having it too... waiting to see if it was going to give symptoms and all that. I think it’s understandable why your health anxiety is flaring up right now, but same as other posters there is help...GP, counselling. You’re not doomed to keep feeling like this.

OnceUponAMidnightBeery · 20/02/2021 23:15

@Anxiousandalone bless you, you are not alone, many of us are or have been right there with you.

Please go to your GP. The right medication has helped my health anxiety so much. I haven’t had therapy but that also is highly recommended.

With a big unmumsnetty hug, this level of anxiety is not normal, and can be treated. I promise it can get better.

In the now, keep talking, here or elsewhere. Personal experience only, but letting it out helped. I distracted myself by reading, audiobooks, watching childhood favourites on YouTube (guessing you’re a lot younger than me so I won’t recommend!)

There’s always someone here, if you have hit crisis point they can point you towards Samaritans or other helplines, or NHS

needadvice54321 · 20/02/2021 23:19

Hey you don't sound pathetic , Anxiety is a very real thing! Absolute bastard it is

I don't have any pearls of wisdom, but you aren't alone. X

Original poster

Anxiousandalone · 20/02/2021 23:23

Thank you everyone. My dad is my rock, he sees my daughter as his own and didn’t think twice about having her for me. I know we shouldn’t of but I needed her to be away from me for a while so I could let this all out. I got back from work this morning, stuck Alexa on and we just danced for ages in the kitchen. I’m not all doom and gloom around her, if I feel an attack coming on I go to a different room and let it out. But I’m not stupid I know she picks up as I’m not myself at all.
As for doing anything stupid, I never ever would. The fear of me and my DD being apart is far greater then me wanting to end it all. I just know if she’s not here then I won’t be either.
Thank you for the support I needed this off my chest.

OP posts:

imalmostthere · 20/02/2021 23:25

You aren't pathetic sweetheart. I've been here.
You need to get medical help for your anxiety. My daughter was born unresponsive, didn't breathe for 6 minutes, and was in intensive care with sepsis. They told me on day 4 she wasn't likely to make it. And that was it.
She's a happy and healthy 6 year old - but to this day I can't stop myself thinking the worst. I feel i fail her, I've wrapped her in cotton wool and taken experiences from her through my fear. But, I am slowly managing it. The going to the doctor and explaining I desperately needed help was the hardest part. I've been on medication for 5 years, and I do need it. I have therapy and that helps also. It's hard and there are days where we get to school (part time, key worker) and I don't want to let her go. Not even because of covid - anything! What if she falls, what if someone takes her. I have a DS4 (today actually) and I have the same fears with him. It's a struggle, and a battle - but once you accept it and ask for the help, it gets better. Don't suffer In silence anymore. Please help yourself sweet. And be kind to yourself. You're her world as much as she is yours.

Alternista · 20/02/2021 23:26

Don’t ring the GP just to “ask what they suggest”.

Make an appointment for you, to tell them the extent of your current mental health and ask them to prescribe you some medication and refer you for therapy. You may well have to wait a long time so get the meds as well. If you can’t tell the GP out loud, show them your OP here.

You can get through this. Good luck x

Original poster

Anxiousandalone · 20/02/2021 23:29

@Alternista

Don’t ring the GP just to “ask what they suggest”.

You can get through this. Good luck x

No I won’t ask what the suggest I will explain properly I think I may write it down. I fear I sound absolutely ridiculous, how do I tell them I think my daughter is dying? God I sound ridiculous but to me it’s so very real

OP posts:

Tistheseason17 · 20/02/2021 23:30

Health anxiety is tough but talking Therapies do help. Yes, do speak to your GP and also look up talking therapies in your local area.
Lots of people feel this way - you are not alone

Icanflyhigh · 20/02/2021 23:33

Absolutely not pathetic in the slightest and you've done so well to get it all out in words on here.
I do think you need to call your GP as soon as you can, as you recognise you're in a decline right now with your own mental health. The fact that you recognise this speaks volumes.
Big deep breaths, in and out, and I find counting helps if I'm anxious. If you're struggling to sleep, find the most comfy position that you can, close your eyes and count. Set yourself a target of 300, thats roughly 5 minutes. I have clock in my bedroom that ticks and I count along with that - it helps me drop off, and its calming as It's something to focus on.

Your dad sounds wonderful and I'm glad you've got him to lean on.

Jennylou88 · 20/02/2021 23:36

Im a CBT therapist - you desperately need to stay off google. You're using it to try and get some relief from your anxiety but it's only going to make it worse.
You need to be 100% honest about the impact this is having on you and seek some CBT. You should be able to self refer to your local IAPT service (dm if you need any help) and consider meds in the short term. Best of luck x

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