I need to be calmed down please help

[Anxiousandalone]

I’m in a bad state mentally, I’ve had to sent my toddler to my dads for the night because I feel close to a break down. He’s in my bubble so please don’t flame me.

I struggle with health anxiety towards my DD she’s 4 in 2 months. Ever since birth I’ve been backward s and forwards to the doctors with her for every sign of an illness. I regret it deeply and I’m sorry for wasting there time when I needed to get a grip. I’ve always been a worrier, but since having PND I’m 10,000 times worse. I find things to worry about in every aspect of my life, and when I get over that worry I tell myself I’ll never do it again and then my mind will wonder and I’ll start fixating and worrying over something else.

I’ll cut to the chase now.
4ish weeks ago i was positive for covid, on the day I became infected my daughter had her pre school boosters. Then 2ish weeks after that she then test positive for covid also. I know she had a temperature before she test positive obviously must of been down to her boosters, and then the temperature carried on due to covid. She still has a lingering low grade fever, which has sent my anxiety sky high, to the point I’ve googled it and scared myself SHITLESS. I don’t even want to admit what I think she has at the moment. Because she’s had a temperature for so long the docs wanted her to have a blood test which I took her for but they couldn’t do it because she was SO distressed. I called the doctor to explain and he said “what do you expect me to do about it?”
Basically he thinks it’s the tail end of the virus. If I didn’t check her temp I wouldn’t know anything different. She’s eating and drinking well, she’s playing, running around and sleeping well. Her wee and poo are totally fine.

BUT...-

My mind is running away with me, to the point I’m thinking of ways I can kill my self because I’ve convinced myself my DD is going to die and I don’t want to live without her. I can’t live without her, I am so fucking terrified of losing my precious baby I can’t sleep I can’t eat I just cry. I can’t even look her in the face because if her cheeks are slightly red I start panicking and get into a state, I’ve had to stop checking her temperature also because I’m not fit to look after her after I have taken it. She only has to tell me she’s tired and I go into panic mode again because I think she’s lethargic (she’s not). I’m 100% convinced I’m going to lose her and I don’t know what to do.

I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense, i needed this off my chest. I lost all my friends because of my anxiety and I have no one to talk to because they are sick of telling me she’s fine. I can’t calm myself down. Please someone talk to me

@Anxiousandalone well done for posting. This is a great way to get your thoughts down even if it doesn’t make you feel better.

I completely understand this I suffered with severe health anxiety and had a particularly bad time a few years back.
One thing I learned to do during counselling was an exercise to calm the insane panic that grips you and makes you feel sick with dread.
Focus on the here and now
When you feel yourself spiralling (and you’ve said that you can tell when this is happening so that’s a good start) focus on the things you know to be true. Can you hear a clock ticking? Can you feel the carpet under your feet? The fabric of your clothing? Go over these, let them ground you in the reality of what’s actually happeningS

Yes your DD has a temperature - If the health professionals thought she was in immediate danger they would keep her in. You’ve done the right thing in giving yourself some space by sending her to your dads.
Don’t be hard on yourself it’s an insidious brain worm that is so so hard to shake and it’s such a battle especially when something is actually going on - ie the temperature, it gives you a foundation for the irrational, fearful thoughts to take hold on.

If you want to chat please do message me. I’ll be around tomorrow and I’m happy to talk even if it’s just nonsense chat to take your mind off things.

Hang on in there OP.

Oh, sweetheart. I'm so sorry.

Glad you're going to the GP. Remember there are also other organisations - MIND and/or the Samaritans, for example - if you want someone non-judgemental to talk to.

You poor dear, you’re not well. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Get all the support you can over the weekend and insist on a conversation with your GP ASAP on Monday.

I am not a doctor but the general information is that anyone of your DD's age are the group that survives Covid the best and do not die. Try to get medication for your anxiety, it is not so good for your DD. She will grow up and live her own life you know.

Hi OP your message really struck a chord with me. Please please make that appointment on Monday morning and tell the GP exactly what's been going through your mind. Don't feel bad about saying it out loud even though it may feel hard to do it, you'll be really glad you did. It'll be the first step on the road to feeling better. And you will learn ways to cope and feel better.

OP this was me, I still get "flare-ups" but it's not as bad. My daughter is 4 today so similar age to yours.

If I see a new bruise and don't know where it's come from - panic.

If she bumps her head I think she's fractured her skull.

If she has more than one cold in 2 months - panic.

I too have thought of exit strategies if something should happen to her. The thoughts are very intrusive.

Mine started when she was around 3 months old, went on a low dose of Citalopram, worked really well for a few years. Then last year I could feel it creeping up on me again, I would sit there googling for hours after finding a bruise on her leg, convincing myself she had leukaemia 🤦🏼‍♀️. Like a PP said, we google for reassurance but it just fuels the panic. I know when I'm doing it and can understand how irrational I'm being but just can't snap myself out of it.

I called the GP and they upped my dose. They did refer me to CBT but I never took them up on it, though probably should have.
I'm fine at the moment (touch wood), but it's awful, I totally get it, I do the same as you.
Make sure you mention to the GP about your intrusive thoughts regarding what you would do to yourself etc. I did and they gave me phone numbers to call if I couldn't make the thoughts go away.

It's crackers, it really is. I'm a pharmacist and have a good understanding of disease but Jesus Christ, once I get on that train all rational thought leaves my brain.

I've been stable for about 1 year now on 20mg citalopram. You'll get through this OP, take the meds and keep up with them 💐

I have had this problem.
I put away the thermometer as I tend to panic at the number I see and stop evaluating symptoms. Now I use my "mum hand" and that tells me my child is warm. Then I evaluate symptoms. Is she playful? Happy on calpol? Tearful? Refusing food? Not wanting to play? Etc.
This works much much better for me. I only get the thermometer out now on rare occasions where my mum hand tells me calpol has not reduced the fever enough.

The sickest dd ever was, she did not have a fever. I could still tell it was different this time and she needed hospital care.

My very young children had low grade, almost constant temperatures for around 2 weeks when they had covid. Sounds like your daughter is well in herself, playing and eating... sounds like how mine were. She's just fighting off the virus and will be fine xx

I had this and am so much better now. It was awful going through it though.

It will pass. The fact you know it's an excessive reaction is a good thing, try not to be too hard on yourself.

@Anxiousandalone how are you doing today OP? Did you manage to get any sleep?

Morning everyone. I managed to get a few hours sleep last night. Still woke up with crippling anxiety. My DD is back at nursery tomorrow and I just don’t want to send her but I know it’s best too and besides I have to work.

My little girl has always felt warm to touch, so even though I’ve put the thermometer away I’m still panicking at every slight touch. She’s always been a warm child though, I don’t know why I expect her to feel stone cold. I’m doubting how she used to be before all this started. Everyone is telling me she’s normal, she looks normal and to stop worrying. I’m going to get her shortly I want her home x

I was told by the doctors that (a bit like animals!) the biggest tell on how ill a child is is not it's temperature but it's behaviour. If she is eating and playing and behaving normally she is fine. You are not though so please contact the GP on Monday x

Glad you got a bit of sleep, OP.

Maybe ask your GP to check bloods tomorrow? Are you getting out for exercise and a bit of fresh air?

I think temp can be a really unreliable measure of health on it's own - some kids run hot!

@gottakeeponmovin I needed to hear that thank you.

@ArabellaScott I’m thinking maybe she doesn’t need the bloods so I’m kinda going to wait and see how she goes. The GP (after I begged) said he will write to paediatrics to see what they can do. My DD was totally hysterical they couldn’t get them and I just won’t put her through that.

I’m struggling with not having a supportive partner. I’ve just been called a “cunt” because I’ve asked him not to go and price a job because I just need someone here with me.

JFC @Anxiousandalone no wonder you’re struggling if your “support” is your partner insulting you like that. Is he usually like that?!

OP I've had horrendous anxiety like this too. I can totally identify.
Not sure if anyone has mentioned this but one of the things that helped me was sort of facing up to the worry. So I would be literally pacing around panicking but then I thought "Ok, if such and such/ worst thing does happen, what have other other people done?" It made me think of various family members who have lived through awful experiences and come out the other side, and still been able to laugh, to work, to have a social life and a long life. I also focused my energy into mitigating these scenarios. So, I got my Will done, I got all my finances into order in case someone else needed to take over, I wrote down important stuff, I made photo albums and most of all I concentrated on doing some nice things with my kids so they'd have something positive to look back on. These are all good things to do anyway (yes some of my reasoning was a bit morbid but they didn't know that) and having those things sorted meant that I would be in a better place to cope if something bad happens and gave me a focus other than panicking. I even began properly addressing my own health.
There are also other things to do:
Unsubscribe to all news services (seriously this has really helped)
Do not go on Twitter, at all, ever.
Ring another GP and get help
There are online mental health courses via the NHS, try these
Write a journal (I know it sounds twee but this has been a major help to me)
Take vitamins
Talk to people, messenger or phone calls, I've developed friendships with random school Mums, people I went to Primary School with, an old work colleague I had lost touch with. They know me a little better now and even just a conversation developing from sharing a funny picture can really help. I've been quite open and found people open up to me too. You have to put a little effort in and don't be too gloomy but twenty minutes messaging someone and they tell me about their chickens or their upcycling hobby or whatever is really nice.
Good luck

I have this, worrying about myself dying and leaving my dc and worrying about my dc being ill, even if they just have a temperature I can't cope

OP, I meant bloods for you! Sometimes anaemia etc can affect anxiety

@ArabellaScott sorry! Yes think your right, counting down the hours that I can speak to the doctor tomorrow. Thank you for the support everyone

I used to attend a PND group and the counsellor who ran it really helped by explaining that anxiety often "hooks" itself onto something (e.g. health, checking the house is locked, worrying about certain things, etc.). Once she'd framed it like that, it became easier to rationalise what I was thinking and talk myself down: "stop catastrophising, it's just the anxiety".

It's good that you're making yourself a GP appointment and it would be useful to see whether you can get some counselling or CBT. In many trusts you can self refer.

Step AWAY from Dr Google. Google thinks I have several types of cancer and MS. What I actually have is trigeminal neuralgia, panic attacks and a vitamin deficiency.

Anxiety is horrible. I just spent a week crying myself to sleep every night convinced that my therapist who is off sick with covid was going to die. I honestly believed it and have been terrified to the point of vomiting from fear.

In reality, despite being very very ill, he has been online every day which I have not been obsessively checking and is recovering without any intervention.

He's fine. He's been ill but not that ill. But tell that to my blood pressure... so I know how hard it is. But you HAVE to maintain some grip on reality or you'll get bogged down in a cycle of anxiety feeding anxiety.

How often do you check your DDs temperature normally? It's possible that she just runs hot. Some people do. Or she might be like me and prone to fever. Even mild illnesses like colds can cause my temperature to spike at 42 or higher. I'm in no real danger from it and I don't usually bother trying to lower it although of course I would in a child.

I know it's pointless telling you to try not to worry as its impossible but distraction is the next best thing. Find something to do that takes your whole attention. Write out your feelings then put them aside and go do something unrelated. Don't just sit with your thoughts.

Hey OP. You know that a child having a temp is not a bad thing, unless it's very high.
Her little body is doing what is supposed to be doing by heating up to kill the virus, it's the proper process.
As above poster said, step away from your thoughts. You can do it xx

I convinced myself when dd was about 4 that she had dyspraxia. Mainly because she wouldn't just walk, she had to skip and jump and she would sometimes literally fall out of her standing. My GP (very familiar with me and my diagnosis) very kindly referred her to a paediatrician who after putting her through her paces declared - not only is there nothing wrong with her, but I suspect we will see this young lady on the News some day. She had totally enthralled him and made me look like a complete fucking idiot.

As the child of a mother with severe health anxiety, please, please get help. We're totally NC now.

Your DD doesnt deserve to live a life like this. And she will do know.

I hope you get the help you need.

Just want to say, never be shy to tell the GP the thoughts you're having about health and dying etc. They have always heard MUCH worse and it's important they understand how you're struggling.

They will immediately see the anxiety for what it is and help you on to the right path with medication if they think that's best.